Back To You
by HeavyRotation
Summary: Herr Zeller’s early entrance changes the escape plan… as well as the Von Trapp family’s life forever.
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: I own nothing. The Sound of Music and its characters belong to their respective owners.**

**A/N: **This story is partially AU but mainly a continuation of the movie with one major difference: the escape didn't go as planned.

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Summary: **Herr Zeller's early entrance changes the escape plan… as well as the Von Trapp family's life forever.

**Back to you**

„Get the children all together. Don't say anything that's going to make them worry, just get them ready. We've got to get out of Austria… and this house. Tonight." The Captain told Maria and held her close.

This was the hardest decision in his entire life so far, one that was the result of careful consideration and hard thinking in the past few weeks. The news of the looming disaster had reached reach him during his honeymoon and Georg had done his best to push it out of his mind and focus on his new wife. But having been to war, he knew this wouldn't go away if he simply closed his eyes. Deep down he had hoped all along that it wouldn't get this far or that it wouldn't come so soon at least. But it did and that was reality.

Georg allowed no doubt to cast shadow on his decision. The worry in Maria's eyes reflected his own, but there just wasn't much thinking he needed to do at this point. Not about leaving anyway. When it came to his family, it was priority, even to his country. As heartbreaking as it was to abandon Austria, the journey back home and seeing all the Nazi soldiers proved that it wasn't the same anymore.

Tightening his hold on his wife, he gently rubbed her arm before bending his head to place a long kiss on her neck. Needing to feel the closeness and intimacy he had shared with her in the past few weeks while it was just the two of them, he did his best to draw strength from the amazing creature in his arms. Having her made him feel he could do anything. It was due to her that he still had a family. He knew he could pull through this. With her.

He finally pulled back and gazed into her eyes. "In the meantime I need to go and make sure we have everything we need. I'll be back soon and help you with the rest."

"Will you be long?" She asked, concerned.

"No." He reassured her. "I'll be as quick as possible. Enlist good old Max if necessary, it's about time he made himself useful." He tried to lighten the mood.

"He'd probably protest the old part." She smiled and that reassured him. He gave her a lingering kiss on the lips before turning on his heels and hurrying out. Little did Georg von Trapp know he would regret this part of his plan until the end of his life.

Driving away from the villa had a melancholic feeling. Alone with his thoughts, he was making this journey for the last time. Leaving home wasn't an easy thing to do, leaving behind as much as he did, it was all the more difficult. Ever since his realization that he loved Maria, Captain von Trapp knew he was ready to move on from Agathe. He would always, always love her but she was gone. Maria had been an eye-opener in many ways.

She had showed him there were still enough places in his heart left to let someone in. Now she occupied most of it. She had sowed him how bad he had been treating his children. He couldn't stop wondering how far it would have gone had it not been for Maria. He was set to marry Elsa and the kids most likely would have ended up in a boarding school. Not only did he push them away emotionally, he damn near pushed them away physically too.

The great hero of Austria nearly lost his battle with grief and damn near lost his children in the process. Was that forgivable? The children definitely forgave him but forgiving himself was a different matter. It wasn't something he spent much time dwelling on however. He had Maria and the children and they all loved and relied on him. They were his focus and he was grateful for them and his second chance.

Now, driving to town for the last time, Georg couldn't stop admiring the beauty that was around him. His decision had been made and the state of the country may have perished, but the spirit and essence of it would live forever. The hills were beautiful on this sunny day, it was almost as if they were showing themselves off to him in their true beauty as a parting gift. It was terribly hard to leave this all behind but Georg knew this beauty in itself wouldn't keep him and his family safe.

There was no way he would accept the commission. It wasn't his own safety he was concerned about but his family's. Leaving them home alone in an impending war time was unacceptable. He wouldn't sacrifice them or his own happiness – or life for that matter- for a "union" and an ideal he despised with every fiber of his being. The decision had been made and Maria's lack of protest or questioning clearly told him she agreed. Yet he couldn't stop wondering how she was going to feel leaving her beloved hills. Although this decision had been forming on his mind in the past few weeks, he didn't want to ruin their honeymoon with talking about it. And now he just merely informed her that they were leaving. Georg was accustomed to his position as the head of the family and every once in a while in his haste of wanting the best for her, he had made decisions on his own – decisions revolving around her too.

A smile came to his lips as he remembered each time he did something without her consent. Thankfully Maria saw his good intentions but she never failed to remind him and tell him her own opinion if his decision didn't sit well with her. For the most part however, Maria had been nothing less than the perfect wife. She respected his role as the head of the family and challenged him only when she felt it necessary and Georg considered her a true partner. Now she said nothing aside from having expected these turn of events, so he knew she agreed.

While Maria had no living relatives and her ties consisted of her new family and the abbey, their honeymoon was the first time Maria had really traveled and left Austria. Georg was aware that leaving would affect their children but hoped they would have an easier time adjusting. What he knew would make it even harder on them was leaving Agathe behind in a way. As much as he had tried to shut her out in the past few years, her spirit had always lingered, even if denied by him.

Then he remembered if there was one good thing that came out of his distant and unfair treatment of his children and his late wife during his grief, then it was the fact that they learned to embrace her memory even without material reminders. Visiting her grave wasn't something he forbid his children anymore but they wouldn't be able to do that again if they left. He hoped the happiness Maria brought into their lives would be powerful enough for all of them to cope. If anything, he hoped to have them think of this as an adventure. With Maria by their side, that shouldn't be a problem.

His errand in Salzburg didn't last long and Georg tried his best to cover his tracks. His fortune was big and while most of it was in a British bank, he needed some cash if he wanted to leave the country. The amount they had left from their honeymoon wasn't enough for this journey. If anybody asked, he had the perfect coverage: he needed to leave money for his family while he was accepting his commission. That was a possibility that he found hard to stomach even if it was just a lie. Thankfully no one asked questions and that rat Zeller failed to show his face, too. Georg was glad and satisfied that everything was going smooth so far.

He had been everything but pleased to come home from his honeymoon and be greeted by that disgusting flag on his own home. That and the telegram were the final proof that there was no more Austria. Pulling up to his own villa, he was surprised to note the front gates were open. With a frown he drove up to the main entrance, shut the engine and got out. Did Franz forget to close it after him? He wasn't happy about that prospect, he wanted nothing out of ordinary to raise no suspicion.

But out of ordinary everything was. The biggest proof of that was Frau Schmidt practically rushing out of the house, straight up to him.

"Captain! Oh, Captain!" Georg frowned, it had been long years since he saw Frau Schmidt so upset.

"What happened?" He asked, that something was up was evident.

"Oh Sir, it's so good you're back. They just left!"

"Georg!" Max' voice caught his attention and he put a reassuring hand on Frau Schmidt's arm while turning his head to his approaching friend.

"What's going on here?" He asked, his tone getting stronger as his worry grew.

"Herr Zeller." Max told him and Georg's eyes immediately narrowed.

"He was here? What did he want?" He now realized why he had found the gates open.

"He was looking for you." The troubled expression on his friend's face told Georg that wasn't all. He had a gut feeling something was off and that was confirmed by Max' quick, worried glance at Frau Schmidt, as if he wasn't sure how to tell him the news.

"Where are Maria and the children?" Georg asked, the troubling feeling growing at the pit of his stomach.

"The Baroness sent them upstairs when Herr Zeller arrived. They are still in their rooms, Sir." Frau Schmidt told him but left the rest of the news to Max.

"He took her, Georg." Max finally told him with a heavy sigh, his face troubled.

The rage that filled his entire body left the Captain momentarily speechless. Rage and fear. The next thing he knew, he was sitting in his car, driving away from the house. Max had told him Herr Zeller was immensely interested in the Captain's immediate response to the offered commission and had come personally to talk to him. When Maria had told him the Captain was making the necessary arrangements and wasn't home, apparently Herr Zeller was anything but convinced.

Remorse tugged at his heart as the Captain thought of the sleazy bastard as much as looking at his wife. He shouldn't have left his family alone, apparently the content of telegrams weren't private anymore. He should have expected it, Zeller was a true embodiment of the Third Reich and everything Georg despised. Herr Zeller had been probably waiting to practice his power over him and when he didn't find him home, he took a token. Maria. That was the impression Georg got from everything Max had told him. But Captain von Trapp would die rather than let any harm come to his family.

He had told Max to help the kids finish getting ready for the journey, locked his newly acquired money safely away and within minutes was out of the door. Having just reached his destination, he shut his car's door with a little more power than necessarily and then marched inside the Gauleiter's headquarters. Getting to him wasn't as easy as he would have thought, the Captain knew Zeller made him wait before finally seeing him.

Trying his best to hide his frustration, he evenly observed the sorry excuse of a man standing in front of him, ignoring the satisfied gleam in his eyes.

"Captain von Trapp, what a surprise. I was looking for you earlier… without success."

"So I've heard." He told him, a small, forced smile appearing on his face. If Zeller wanted him, then be it. Maria and her welfare were priority.

"Please, take a seat." Zeller offered and Georg felt disgusted just by being in the building in the first place.

"No, thank you. As a matter of fact, my visit is brief. I came to take my wife home." To say the Captain had no respect or acknowledgment of Zeller's authority was an understatement. While he knew directly opposing him was not possible at this point without endangering his family or himself, keeping up appearances was extremely difficult at the moment. He had made a mistake and Zeller took advantage of it and now he had the upper hand.

"I'm afraid that won't be possible, Captain." Zeller smiled. "Not yet anyway. You see, the Third Reich requires her services."

"Of what service could my wife possibly be to you?" The Captain asked, his tone and face lacking any kind of politeness. He had to bite his own tongue not to let a sarcastic comment slip. This was wrong. Sickening, even. But all he could think of was getting her out of there. "I was disappointed to learn you acted without my consent, Herr Zeller. I am the head of the family, you need my approval in matters like this."

Herr Zeller's face lost the smile, too. Apparently both men were now on the same page as to where this conversation was heading as well as the fact that there were no more fake pleasantries necessary.

"The only approval I need is the Third Reich's." Came the reply and the man's true colors were finally showing. It was disgusting how wrapped up he was in the Nazi ideals and how much of a lap dog he was. It felt almost surreal to Georg to acknowledge that this was reality and not just a bad dream. It was hard to believe this was truly happening to the world. "There are some… doubts regarding your uh, commitment to Austria and its new alliance."

Alliance? The Captain resisted the urge to spit the man in the face.

"Oh I am… entirely committed to Austria." _The Austria I used to know_, he added mentally. Zeller nodded, the real meaning of it wasn't lost on him at all.

"Then let me be more clear, Captain Von Trapp. There is concern you wouldn't be patriotic enough to accept your commission. Your wife stays until you report to Bremerhaven."

Tactics or not, Nazi or not, the Captain was a man of honor and a decorate hero, he wouldn't let such a little rat intimidate him. He slammed his hands on the table as he stared him in the eyes. "Are you saying my wife is a hostage?" His voice was low.

Zeller's slow smile made Georg's skin crawl. Damn that money, he should have just grabbed his family right then and there and left. He now knew removing the Nazi flag was a mistake, too. He involuntarily raised suspicions. .

"I believe you have some packing to do, Captain." Zeller walked around his desk, obviously finished with this conversation. But Georg wouldn't leave it at that. With a quick step he was face to face with him, staring down at him with the deadliest look in his eyes. Zeller was unfazed. "You have seven _wonderful_ children. No way would you want to leave them without parents, would you? Your wife will return home to take care of them as soon as you have reached your destination."

To say he was outraged was an understatement, but the mention of the children reminded him of everything that was at stake here. He was still an aristocrat and even Zeller wouldn't want to risk harming such a high ranking, decorated hero's innocent children. Yet Maria did not have such a background, he knew Zeller could easily accuse her of any wrongdoing, regardless how innocent and wonderful his wife was and regardless of her new position as a Baroness. It also wasn't lost on Georg how Zeller was intending to make an example of him. Yet another reason why he was rejecting the idea of joining the Nazis. Last thing Georg wanted was other men following his actions and side with the Third Reich. No, he needed to be careful and smart with this. This was war, his personal one. Just like so many times before, outsmarting the enemy was the key, not overpowering them.

The Captain's eyes narrowed and he held his breath while taking a step back. The initial idea to refuse to go until she was released now seemed like a futile attempt. She wouldn't be released, not until he was in Bremerhaven. But what proof would he have that she indeed would go free?

"I want to see her." He demanded much like a Sea Captain and for a moment he saw the hesitation in his enemy's eyes.

"You're wasting time." Came the answer with as much strictness as Zeller could muster. The Captain would have none of this anymore. He stepped dangerously close, not taking no for an answer. Herr Zeller was anything like a man, however, and the moment the Captain got too close, he called for his back up.

"Karl!" He called and kept his eyes on the Baron while he spoke. "Escort Captain von Trapp to his car." He ordered. Georg knew he was outnumbered. Although he could have easily taken both with his bare hands, he was without a weapon while they were armed – not to mention the countless other Nazis in the building. "The Third Reich's requests will be fulfilled. You report in Bremerhaven and your wife goes home. You have my word, Captain." Zeller spoke, but it was anything but a promise or an attempt of reassurance. It was a threat, a clear indication that everything was arranged and everything would go according to _their_ plans. Captain von Trapp took a step back and turned, not bothering to hide his death glare anymore.

"Heil Hitler!" Zeller proudly shouted and Georg's eyes narrowed further.

With _dear_ Karl in tow, Captain von Trapp left the building, his mind racing all along. The frustration he felt was overwhelming and he felt helpless. He got in his car and drove away, heading back to the villa. Zeller was a lunatic, as crazy as Hitler. To think he had Maria made his heart race. He needed to act quick, he was expected in Bremerhaven the next day, that hardly left him much time. Unfortunately the only way to set Maria free seemed to be to accept the commission. As painful as it was to leave his family behind, he needed to do whatever it took to get Maria out of harm's way. If it meant accepting the commission, then be it. The children needed at least one parent.

To Be Continued…

**A/N**: This is going to be a multi-chapter story with quite a few installments. I have the plot all worked out but don't have an exact number of chapters yet. I would love to hear what you think and whether it's worth keeping up with it. Thanks for reading and thank you to everyone who kindly reviewed my previous works!


	2. Choices

**Disclaimer: I own nothing. The Sound of Music and its characters belong to their respective owners.**

**A/N: **_Thank you so much to **everyone** for the encouraging reviews! I'm sorry getting this new chapter up took longer than I initially planned, hope it was worth the wait._

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It was utterly difficult to concentrate and work out a plan while all Georg could think of was Maria. The mere thought of her being in the grasp of evil frustrated Georg to the point where he had to remind himself not to panic, even if it was something he, as a Captain, had learned to suppress and not let hinder him. He definitely was a most experienced man, yet during wartime he did not have to worry about any of his loved ones in such danger. Although Maria was his wife now in every possible way, she just had this aura of innocence for which he constantly felt the need to protect, even before they returned home.

It was also hard to overcome blaming himself for leaving her behind alone. He shouldn't have. Max had been with them but Georg had to agree, trying to prevent Herr Zeller from taking Maria could have had grave consequences. His old friend had tried his best to talk him out of it nevertheless but the Gauleiter had his evil plan and nothing could stray him from that. The only way to avoid this would have been for Georg to be present. But he wasn't.

Ironically, it was Max who basically provided the basis of their plan: the festival. They needed to get Maria away from that guarded hellhole and the only possibility for that was the very event Georg opposed all along – as far as his children were concerned anyway. Max had proved to be a true friend all along. Although Georg suspected part of it was the man's own remorse, too, for not being able to prevent Maria's kidnapping (as he called it), the Captain did not doubt his friend's loyalty for a minute. This very charming sponge may have had a lot of friends, many of which consisted of rich and powerful people, but there was a good reason for those acquaintances. Max Detweiler had good connections and did have many high ranking officials owing him a favor or two. It was time to bank in on them.

So he had called one of those high ranking officials who, although a Nazi supporter, did remember the favor he owed Max and granted his wish…. an order went out to have Maria sent to the festival. Max had convinced him the children couldn't sing without her and all _his_ hard work would be futile and that it would be a reflection on Austria. Georg found it ironic, all his friend had to do was act selfish as usual even if he did it out of selfless reasons this time. Asking for her release would have been rejected, both Max and Georg knew that and even during this trip she would be escorted. This was the closest they would get. It was also obvious they needed Georg away from the place. As much as he struggled with this decision, he had to admit unless he kept up appearances that he was indeed leaving, Zeller would keep a watchful eye on Maria – possibly have an entire army around her even. The Captain knew that aside from Nazi interests, Zeller was very much acting upon his own hatred for the eldest von Trapp and was doing his best to make his life miserable.

They had briefly considered a set up, to have Max pose as the Captain leaving so the real one could free Maria, but dismissed the idea after realizing he couldn't take the children on this rescue mission. And if there was one crucial thing about his plan then it was to keep the youngsters out of harms way and keep them all together. Maria was an adult, an active one at that, too, and Georg felt her familiarity with the area would aide Max' attempt to rescue her. It horribly pained the Captain that ultimately this was a decision between his children and Maria but he knew his wife wasn't as defenseless as the children… and she knew very well what was at stake here. He trusted her to aide Max while sneaking out.

He was adamant about not telling about the plans or the escape itself to Frau Schmidt and Franz. He had initially planned on keeping them in the dark and now after the latest turn of events, he was even more reassured in this idea. They would be questioned once the family disappeared, the less they knew, the safer they were.

Max watched Georg pace with an expression on his face that clearly showed he was somewhere else in mind. The plan was dangerous but Max hoped it would work. He may have not been a great hero like Georg but he had been a great stand up guy all his life.

"Maybe I should just leave and report to Bremerhaven." Georg murmured, unaware that he voiced his thoughts.

Despite his comment from earlier that day, Max Detweiler was aware of the impending doom. The Anschluss may have been 'peaceful' but Germany was expanding in a way that was threatening all of Europe. And after the telegram for Georg, it was crystal clear that no human life or family values were important for the Third Reich. Seeing the distress on his friend, Max wasn't in the mood to joke or try to stay impartial just to save his own butt. This wasn't a time to act upon his own interests, Georg had been a good friend and he wouldn't let him down.

"Doubt that would help your family any, my friend." Max voiced the very reason why the Captain felt necessary to proceed with the escape after freeing Maria. He refused to leave his family behind, especially so vulnerable. He had lost them once, he wouldn't allow that to happen again. Another idea had been to leave indeed and have Max get his family out while he would escape en-route to Bremerhaven. That idea had been dismissed just as quickly as the rest. There was simply no guarantee that Maria would be released and Georg would not have his family broken up and so much in jeopardy. He had committed the mistake of leaving them alone, that had led them to their current situation. Never again, he had promised to himself.

Captain von Trapp straightened and looked at Max. It was time. His silent nod was enough for his friend to understand. Georg trusted Max but wished they didn't have to act on such a short notice. And most of all he wished he could get Maria himself but with no one else around to trust, the Captain simply could not leave the children.

Two hours later, Max Detweiler was hiding his nerves behind his trademark, pleasant smile. He had received news that Herr Zeller got new orders which had him leave town immediately. Max knew the snake of a man couldn't be far enough but he found some relief in his absence. Unfortunately Zeller also made sure Maria would remain strictly supervised. It amazed Max how deep Zeller's hated for Georg went and if he hadn't entirely been convinced how much trouble this Anschluss really was for his country, then the treatment of Georg's innocent wife was the ultimate proof.

Of course Herr Zeller couldn't say no to a superior. Max knew that the festival was the perfect front to falsely show that the Anschluss was just wonderful and Austria was intact. An awful propaganda to hide the ugly truth. One that could have earned him lots of money but he wasn't interested in that at the moment. Now Max only prayed for Maria to be unharmed. Sitting in the car, he did his best to appear calm while waiting for the Baroness to be escorted to him. He eyed the back of the head of the officer in the front seat who was to drive them to the theatre. As soon as they would get there, Max would try his best to sneak her out before they realized the only member of the von Trapp family singers actually present would be none other than Maria.

"Get in." Max heard the commanding tone of Karl and he wondered what Zeller's lap dog was doing here. Within a second the door opened and to his relief, Maria appeared. To his delight she looked exactly the way he had last seen her.

Her eyes widened in recognition. "Max!" He smiled reassuringly at her as she settled, the relief and genuine joy upon seeing him was evident on her face as she reached out a hand to him. Max took the opportunity to have a private word with her so he simply pulled her into a hug, rubbing her back gently to reassure her and whisper in her ear. "Georg and the children are waiting for us at a safe place. You and I'll escape from the theater." She pulled back and indicated with a nod that she understood. He grabbed her hand and squeezed it, trying to act as normal as possible.

"How are you holding up, Maria?" He asked her, casting a quick glance at Karl, watching as the Nazi got in to sit next to the driver. Then the car took off.

Although Max had heard about Maria's ability to give the Captain a piece of mind if necessary, he had never actually seen her anything but pleasant and cheerful. And while he didn't really expect either from her at the moment, he was still surprised to see her eyes darken in what seemed like suppressed anger.

"I'm a bit unaccustomed to this kind of… hospitality but I'm okay. Just hungry." She said curtly, her gaze briefly settling on Karl before she turned back to Max. "The children?" It didn't fail to amaze him how quick her eyes softened at the thought of them.

"They are good, all things considered. They were sad their father left for Bremerhaven so soon after your honeymoon." He told her loudly, noting the lack of reaction from either men in the front seats. Nevertheless it should have achieved what he wanted – reaffirm the illusion that Georg was en-route.

As for Maria, seeing Max was an immense relief. The last hours had been trying and she had to admit she was terrified. She had kept reminding herself the Lord had His reasons for all of this and that He wouldn't put her through anything she couldn't handle. When hunger and stress had began to take their toll on her however, she wondered if God had put too much faith in her. Then she had remembered the children and that was the strength she needed. The children and Georg. Memories of their honeymoon filled her mind, trying to accept the current situation as much as she could. She needed to hold on to her faith. God had guided her to Georg once, she hoped and prayed He would do it once again.

Uneasy silence settled in the car as it rushed through the darkness of the early nightfall and Max hoped they could use it to their advantage. Georg had thoroughly explained how to get to their meeting point but he knew Maria will be of great help. Squeezing her hand a little, he was relieved to earn a small, grateful smile in response. He didn't like the gloomy look that had occupied her features but he wasn't surprised about it – not after being captive for hours. He may have been a great supporter of Georg and Elsa but he couldn't and didn't even want to deny how lucky his friend was to have found Maria. As unusually sentimental as he sounded to himself, theirs were a romance that even Max supported beyond the social status.

A loud screech and an all too sudden stop roughly pulled him from his reverie. He heard Maria gasp and he instinctively grabbed for her before his shoulder collided with the back of the front seat. He groaned. Opening his eyes he saw Maria rubbing her own shoulder and he placed a hand on her back. "Are you alright?" She asked the very question that was on his mind.

"I am." He said while helping her sit up, noting she seemed okay. "Maybe we should… take it easy on this tricky road." He addressed their driver who gave no reaction whatsoever. Max and Maria watched as Karl got out of the car, leaving them rather puzzled. The reason for their sudden stop soon became obvious – they nearly collided with another vehicle. Karl seemed absolutely agitated and all they could see was the conversation quickly escalating into an argument.

Given Karl's rank Max was sure he would win this battle but his mind was already elsewhere – on a possible escape. They had initially planned to flee from the theatre but now that the opportunity presented itself to do that with a vehicle… Max decided to use this rare opportunity provided by Karl's distraction. He motioned for Maria to stay still and after noting that their driver's eyes were on the argument outside, Max quickly acted. He hit the man with all his might at the back of the head who in turn immediately slumped forward. "And Georg calls me old." He murmured while rubbing the back of his own hand.

"Max…" Maria's eyes were wide with surprise.

"I'm sorry my dear, I hope the Lord will forgive me for this. I'll make a confession the moment we're safe. Now, just hold on tight!" He told her and climbed to the front seat. Maria couldn't help a brief smile to pass her lips before her eyes turned to Karl. Keeping an eye on him while Max carefully opened the door to the passenger seat and pushed the unconscious driver outside, Maria could feel her heart begin to beat faster.

"Max!" She yelped when Karl turned back to them just as Max had taken the driver seat. Without missing a beat he started the car and took off. Maria's horrified gasp barely registered on his mind when Karl actually grabbed on to the vehicle. What followed was a nightmare.

"Stop the car!" Karl shouted and Max tried his best to keep the car steady. Karl would have none of it. Clinging to the moving vehicle from the outside, the Nazi used his other hand to first try to grab the wheel and when he was unsuccessful, he simply attacked Max.

This was not going well, that much was obvious as the car went in every direction except where Max wanted it to. When Karl wrapped his fingers around his neck, Herr Detweiler instinctively fought back. This was about survival and the car swayed dangerously on the road. Maria was horrified to see the whole scene unfold in front of her eyes and did her best to hold on even as she was thrown back and forth. When the Nazi gave up on trying to gain control over the car and assaulted Max full on, Maria jumped forward and grabbed hold of the wheel to keep the car steady as much as she could.

Max realized he was having a fight for his life with a Nazi soldier. As if that thought had given him a kick, he punched Karl in the face. That seemed to have done the trick because the man stumbled backwards and almost slipped. But the relief didn't last long, both Maria and Max watched in horror as Karl reached for his gun, obviously intending to end this fight once and for all. Fearful for both of his own and Maria's lives, Max tried to fend the Nazi off with both hands, doing his best to push him off the car. The next moment the car went off the road, skidded and Maria's startled scream was the last thing he remembered before everything went black.

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The more time passed without news, the more Georg began to doubt this plan. He hated sitting around – even if he was practically walking up and down nonstop for the last few hours. He hated to be apart from Maria and loathed not being able to do more about it. He wanted her back and wanted to take his family away from here. It was heartbreaking to realize that the place he used to proudly call home now held nothing but danger.

The children had sensed the seriousness of the situation and Georg had found himself at a loss for words when they had asked where Maria was. The only thing they knew was that Herr Zeller had something to do with her disappearance and they were worried. Georg had tried his best to reassure them but didn't lie – he simply told them to focus on resting and be ready to move at any minute. The older ones, Liesl, Friedrich and Louisa understood that their father was deliberately withholding information but thankfully they didn't question him.

The grounds of his estate were extensive and Agathe had insisted on building a small cabin at the far end. She loved the view of the hills from this part the best and whenever they went horseback riding, she wanted to stop here and admire nature. So to her request, he had a small cabin built that used to serve as a getaway for the two of them even if just for a few hours. Georg kept pacing in said cabin, knowing they couldn't stay here long. It may have been his private property with little to no public knowledge of this building but it was far form safe in the long run. It merely served as a meeting point.

With each passing second his hatred for the Third Reich intensified – so did his worry for Maria. Doubt began to settle in his mind and he couldn't help but question every single detail of this plan. He wanted to do something, anything just to get to her.

A loud bang on the front door roused him from his thoughts. With a quick glance at the closed door to the room where the kids were, Georg carefully approached the entrance. Another loud noise came, sounding as if something heavy had fallen. "Max?" He asked but all the response he got was a grunt. He carefully opened the door and his eyes went wide when his old friend practically fell through it.

"Max!" he immediately bent down to help him, shocked to note the amount of blood on his clothing. His old friend was clutching his side which seemed to be the main source of it and his face was covered in cuts and bruises. His clothing wasn't in a better shape either. "What happened?" Georg asked as he pulled him inside, his heart beginning to race in Maria's obvious absence.

"I'm sorry." Max breathed, his eyes pleading. "I'm so sorry Georg…" He repeated, sounding desperate.

"Max, where is Maria?" She was the only thing on his mind at this point. His friend's appearance was alarming and each passing second without an answer increased the dread he was feeling inside.

"I'm sorry. I… " He pleaded with heavy breathing in an obvious state of distress.

"Where is she!?" Georg practically shouted to gain Max's focus who seemed to be in a shock.

"She's… she's dead." Georg's heart stopped beating the second the words were out of Max's mouth.

**To Be Continued…**

**A/N**: Yes, I hate when chapters end in cliffhangers too but I had to, I'm sorry. I promise I'll try my best to get the next one up a lot sooner than this one. In the meantime, feedback is welcome as always!


	3. Shock

**Disclaimer: I own nothing. The Sound of Music and its characters belong to their respective owners.**

**A/N: **I know, the cliffhanger was cruel but look! I was quick! :) Thank you again to everyone for the feedback!

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"I'm sorry." Max breathed, his eyes pleading. "I'm so sorry Georg…" He repeated, sounding desperate.

"Max, where is Maria?" She was the only thing on his mind at this point. His friend's appearance was alarming and each passing second without an answer increased the dread he was feeling inside.

"I'm sorry. I… " He pleaded with heavy breathing in an obvious state of distress.

"Where is she!?" Georg practically shouted to gain Max's focus who seemed to be in a shock.

"She's… she's dead." Georg's heart stopped beating the second the words were out of Max's mouth.

After a moment of recollection, Georg grabbed Max by the collar and pulled him closer, completely forgetting about his injuries. "Where is she?!" This just couldn't be true. It just couldn't.

"I'm so sorry…" Max winced in pain, breathing was becoming harder. "It was Karl…"

_Pain was the very first thing Max felt. It came as a sharp throb from his right side before it spread through his entire body. But it was his side that gave him the most discomfort and he willed himself to open his eyes. The world seemed to be spinning for a while and it took him a moment to realize where he was. Lying on the uneven ground among several bushes, Max realized he was just off the main road. Confusion filled his mind as to why he was there and what had just happened. Then the memories came rushing back up until… Maria! He jolted upwards, wincing and collapsing back from the pain his sudden movements had caused. The last thing he could remember was trying to fight Karl off while the Nazi had done his damned best to kill them all. _

_Gathering all his strength to raise his head, Max could finally make out the form of a car not far from him. The sight was terrifying. It took him some time to make it out in the darkness what he was seeing exactly but when his vision cleared, there was no mistaking in it. Karl was stuck under a very badly damaged car, his body and limbs twisted in the most awkward ways. Even from that distance it was easy to tell the man had absolutely no chance of survival. To further prove that theory, he wasn't moving at all._

_Max' mind was racing and his eyes frantically searched for any signs of Maria. Unfortunately there was none. Amidst much pain, he pulled himself up to a standing position, noticing for the first time that his wounds were extensive. The large and ever growing blood stain on his suit and the hole on it left no doubt in his mind that he had been shot. He had no recollection whatsoever but it was easy to figure what must have happened. That bastard Karl did manage to fire his gun, hitting Max… and successfully wrecking the car. He dragged his feet along as he tried to go nearer, leaning against a tree right beside him to support his own weight while he paused. _

_He had absolutely no idea how did he end up so very far from the vehicle but judging by the way he was feeling, it was anything but fortunate. Trying to calm his breathing, Max stood still for a moment and let his eyes scan the area again. That was when he spotted her. The dirty blonde hair was unmistakable and Max felt the little color he had left drain from his face. She was lying right beside the totaled car (which must have flipped over a couple of times at least) and she, too, was unmoving. "Oh no…" He uttered, the growing sound of voices not registering in his brain just yet._

_Just as he had found enough strength to move over to her, he spotted three Nazi soldiers approaching the scene. Still hidden behind the tree, Max stepped further back to remain in hiding. He watched as the soldiers quickly approached the car and judging by their body language they had come to the same conclusion that he had… Karl was dead. He held his breath when he saw one of them noticing Maria. The Nazi walked over to her and stopped, gazing down at her. Max could barely keep himself upright as he watched the man merely shake his head as a signal that there was nothing to be done for her either. _

"…and then I ran." Max breathed.

Georg's face was filled with utter disbelief. He had heard every single word that Max told him yet his mind just wouldn't grasp it. It wasn't until his very last words that Georg felt the violent rush of emotions. "You… you left her there?" He asked in disbelief, his voice barely audible.

"I had no choice…" Pausing long enough to cough, Max was beginning to feel cold. "They were coming. I'm sorry…"

His first instinct was to run out that door and go find her himself. This just couldn't be true. It couldn't be happening to him. Not again.

"I heard more of them coming. They were…" He coughed again, this time more violently."… looking for me. I don't know how long I laid there, Georg. I had to come… to tell you to leave." Another round of heavy cough interrupted him.

"I…" Georg was simply dumbfounded. He felt like he was in the middle of a nightmare, this all felt so surreal. "This can't be true. I need to see her." He stood to leave, he needed proof. He couldn't believe it.

"Georg…" Max grabbed his wrist, his eyes boring into his when he had his attention. "I'd never lie to you… you know that." Unfortunately he did know. That was what was crashing his world right now.

Running his hand through his hair, Georg stood still for a couple of moments, feeling a strange kind of numbness. Unfortunately it was familiar, too. Max, with heavy eyelids, watched as Georg stepped away and slowly walked outside, shutting the door behind him.

The night air would have been welcome any other time but right now it felt like anything but. There was a very odd sort of chill in his entire body as he stood facing the beautiful scenery illuminated by the moon just outside the cabin. His eyes wandered to the hills, the very hills his wife loved so dearly… and he felt his hands begin to tremble before it spread out to his entire body. And then there was the pain. It hurt so much he wished he could rip his heart out of his chest just to make it stop. Georg von Trapp fell to his knees, not even feeling the rough edges of the stones, rocks and the uneven ground beneath him. And then he screamed -in pain. Inside, Max closed his eyes in agony upon the most painful sound he had ever heard.

An hour or more had to pass before Georg returned. Max wasn't sure how long because he had lost track of the time. In fact he had lost track of most of everything by that point. Thankfully the children obeyed their father's orders and kept patiently – as well as anxiously— waiting inside their room. Their noise registered on Max's brain periodically while he laid in the lounge alone. The empty room gave him time to catch his breath and collect his thoughts. He wasn't sure what hurt more, his physical injuries or letting his friends down. When the Captain returned, he didn't say a word to him. The worst part of it was that Max didn't know whether it was out of anger or the shock. He could deal with the latter… but not the former. He failed, there was just no forgiving of that.

Without any attempt of communication, Georg disappeared in the kitchen and then in the bathroom before returning with several items in his hands. Without further ado, he swiftly began to try to do some damage control on Max' battered body. A part of him seemed just as cold as he had been during the last few years of mourning… while there was also very robotic feel about him now. Max simply grabbed his arm to gain his attention.

"You need to go." He told him. "Get… get the children out." His breathing was becoming heavier with each passing second and he felt awfully tired.

"I need to get you in a shape to move." The Captain finally said.

"Georg!" He raised his voice and it earned him another violent cough. He was sweating heavily and his body was rapidly weakening. He just wanted to sleep. "They are… surely looking for you… and the children… by now." He wheezed. "Go." But the Captain gave no response whatsoever. When he moved to dress his wound and try to stop the bleeding, Max, with as much strength as he could muster, grabbed his hand and held on to it tight to stop him.

"I'm sorry. I failed you… my friend." The pain was obvious in the Captain's eyes as he stared back at him. Georg was just another human being with faults and shortcomings but he was a good and brave man, one that did not deserve all the pain life had put him through. Max was having a hard time focusing on anything but the tragedy that had occurred. That and his own involvement. Georg had put his trust and faith in him and he came up short which cost his friend his wife. This just wasn't right and he needed to let him know.

"I'm sorry." He repeated desperately, knowing forgiveness was too much to ask.

Georg averted his eyes, the emptiness he was feeling inside was not what a dying man needed to see. "Not your fault." He whispered, his voice lacking any kind of emotions.

"For what… it's worth… I am sorry for… letting you down my friend. I hope… you'll find it in you… one day to… to…" He coughed again. "…to forgive me." Silence. "She died brave."

Max' words pierced through him like a knife. His heart was broken yet each single piece hurt as much as a whole. Maybe ten times more. Rational thinking was a virtue but Georg von Trapp had never been good at that when his feelings were involved. Not when it came to his family anyway. That irrational thinking triggered by his excruciating pain was what did unjustly put some of the blame on Max. Although a little voice inside told him he needed to do the right thing, he was simply unable to grant a dying man's wish. He couldn't give his forgiveness. Not to him… not to the Nazis, not to the world… and not to God. Yet the desperate look in Max' eyes weren't entirely lost on him. He met his gaze and simply nodded. Whether it meant he understood… or that he would one day be able to forgive him, Max didn't know. Neither did Georg. The Captain watched as his friend visibly relaxed at his reaction before his heavy eyelids finally gave in and he fell asleep forever.

Georg didn't know how much time he had spent staring at Max' lifeless face. He simply found himself unable to cry… to move or to do anything. It was just the kind of blow he did not feel anymore. The only thing he felt was how much he craved Maria's presence. He just wanted to hold her tight and mourn the loss of his friend… to have her soothe him and cheer him up and ease that awful pain caused by grief, to ease it in her very unique way that only she could do. Yet she wasn't there. In fact she was nowhere. Anger began to rise in him which soon developed into full on rage. He felt furious with this situation… he felt intense hatred for Zeller… for the Third Reich and he felt furious with his now dead best friend too. He so desperately wanted to go to the site of the accident, to go and find Maria himself and see what he could do. Except Max had left her there… and now he left HIM alone, too. There was simply no one to take care of the children who were right next door, the smaller ones probably fast asleep, unsuspecting of the tragedy that had just taken place.

Georg felt lost. He, the former Sea Captain, decorated hero of Austria, was absolutely clueless as to what to do. A part of him simply refused to believe that Maria was dead, yet another, rational part that he wanted to ignore so bad believed Max. He may have exploited talents all his life to earn his living but he had never ever lied to him before. And as much as he felt conflicted about him… the fact remained: his deadly injured friend pushed himself to the very end to come back and warn him of the danger his family was in. He dragged himself here all the way somehow to tell him to leave because he needed to. That wasn't a man who would just intentionally try to cause him pain. But what if he was simply wrong? What if there was a chance that Maria was alive and survived the crash? Would they just leave a Baroness lying there without doing anything when they knew they needed her to force him to accommodate their plans? And most of all… would Max just leave if he wasn't absolutely certain?

The sight of his lifeless body obviously meant there was no way to ask him anymore but everything Georg knew about his friend made the answer painfully obvious. No, he wouldn't leave her behind had he not been sure. Yet a part of him wished he had carried her all the way to him… just to prove it. That was a thought that sent another wave of pain through him. Would he be strong enough to see her dead? The children sure didn't need that sight.

_The children_! It finally occurred to Georg he had them to think about, too. He finally moved to stand and ignoring the protests of his limbs, hoisted Max' body over his shoulder. He needed to get him out of sight… they couldn't see him like this. Emotionally retreating to his shell once again just like so many times before when he needed to survive, the Captain carried him into an empty room, laid him down on the bed and pulled the cover all the way over him. He stood above him for a while, feeling the emptiness take over his entire being. He couldn't mourn his friend… he felt way too empty.

"Father?" Liesl's frightened voice broke his reverie and he turned his head to look at his daughter standing in the doorway with a look of confusion and worry in her eyes.

"Get your brothers and sisters ready. We are leaving." He told her, his voice soft yet hollow.

"Where's Mother?" That was a question Georg couldn't answer.

"She's… not coming with us." Came the mystic reply and he was aware it wouldn't satisfy her curiosity. It wouldn't satisfy his either.

What he didn't realize was Liesl's ability to put the pieces together, read the terrible signs and recognize the look on his face that she had seen before. She remained rooted to the spot and all Georg could do was turn his head to her direction, strictly keeping his eyes on the floor. He couldn't look her in the eyes. Her father who had let his wonderfully caring side emerge once again thanks to their new mother, the father who so obviously came to adore their governess… the man who would sometimes be a little overprotective of his fiancé… that same loving husband wouldn't just leave his wife behind. No. Liesl, the oldest von Trapp girl, was not a child anymore. She may have not been as observant as Brigitta but had learned to recognize the signs of heartbreak… and loss, especially on him. She managed to put this horrible truth together. Tears filled her eyes and she covered her mouth to try to suppress the sob that realization brought.

Seconds turned into minutes in complete silence which was only interrupted by Liesl's desperate struggle to keep her trembling and crying in check. He didn't know when or how it happened but at one point Georg found his eldest daughter clinging to him for dear life, her face buried in his chest which muffled her sobs. He stood there rigid but did allow her to let it out -that was the only means of comfort he could offer at the moment. His hand gently came to rest in her hair which was more of an automatic gesture rather than a really conscious one. His mind was already on their escape. Pain was a companion he had spent way too much time with since Agathe's death. That same unwanted companion was now back with a vengeance and Georg did the only thing he could do to survive: he retreated.

"Get the others ready." He instructed her in a tone that was all too familiar to her, yet lacked the harshness that used to accompany it. A look at her father's face that still refused to meet her gaze sent a chill down her spine. His eyes lacked their usual spark, the spark that used to be there even in his strictest moments. They now seemed empty and it was very unsettling. "Don't tell them anything."

He knew that was too much to ask of a 16 year old. She had just lost a Mother yet again and barely had time to comprehend it, yet he was asking her to hide it from her siblings. Was that fair? No. But life, as it had just proven it yet again, rarely was. Liesl visibly would have difficulty accomplishing said task. From the corner of his eyes he could see her furiously wiping the tears away while trying to keep her breathing in control. He knew she wouldn't be able to hide this terrible news from the others for very long but Georg hoped she could keep it long enough until they were safely on the road and far away from this country. Max had died in the process of delivering the warning that the Nazis were now looking for them. Survival was the solution and the thing to focus on for now before his entire family had to deal with the news.

As soon as Liesl left the room, his gaze returned to the covered body of his old friend which his daughter did thankfully miss

"Farewell, Max."

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It was terribly, _terribly_ late for Sister Berthe to be returning to the abbey – or to be on this errand at all, but it seemed like the Lord had decided to give her this task. She knew God had his reasons and whatever those were, she did not question it. The Reverend Mother had asked her to personally take care of an important matter and although this was unusual, she had obeyed her request and felt honored to be trusted. Taking care of the urgent telegram wasn't what made this day extraordinary however. The end of summer naturally meant shorter hours of daylight and that, combined with the crowds arriving for the festival which held her up, was the reason why it was already dark by the time she was hastily making her way back.

She had been kindly escorted by a local butler (who was working for one of Salzburg's richest barons) on most of her way (which was welcome as a means of possible protection given this time of the day) but as she had turned the very last corner that led her to the Nonnberg abbey, she was taking the distance alone. The uneasy feeling of being out this late had barely occupied her mind however. What kept her on her toes was the news that she would deliver to the Reverend Mother. She was surprised to learn that the von Trapp family had disappeared and were heavily sought after. While her interests laid strictly in God and the abbey, Maria had been a part of her life long enough for her to take note of what was being said. She was also certain the Reverend Mother needed to know about this.

Relieved when she had finally reached the main gate of the abbey, she was about to pull the string attached to the bell when… "Sister!"

Sister Berthe nearly jumped out of her skin in her fright from the voice right behind her. She spun around and her hand flew to her chest, exhaling only when she saw a familiar face. The young man in front of her was none other than Tobias, the son of a local hard working florist who kindly brought fresh flowers to the abbey on a regular basis.

"Tobias!" Sister Berthe exclaimed disapprovingly. The look on his face gave her an impression she was not the one he was expecting or keen on to see but dismissed it quickly, thinking he was probably just surprised to see anyone out here at all. That did logically raise the question though… "What are you doing here?" She asked, her tone making the question sound like a reprimand – something that came quite naturally to her. Maria had her master this skill after all.

"I need your help!" The young man whispered, glancing around nervously, clearly indicating he was up to no good. The look on Sister Berthe's face reflected her thoughts even before her words could have and Tobias did not wait for them. "Please, Sister! You're the only one who can help, her life depends on it!"

If there was anything Sister Berthe knew about Tobias then it was his honesty and utmost respect he had treated people with. She also knew he had been nothing less than helpful and giving because his mother always spoke so proudly of him. She may have not been pleased with being out this late or with his approach in particular, but she couldn't ignore the honest look and serious sounding plea.

"She?" Sister Berthe asked, fearing something was wrong with his mother.

"This way!" Tobias turned and waited for her to follow instead of giving her an answer. "Please, Sister Berthe!" He insisted when she seemed reluctant to leave her spot. Letting out a heavy sigh, she decided to follow and see if she could be of any help. She wasn't pleased with her day at all but she felt that God had given her a different purpose today and this had to be a part of it.

The walk wasn't long and Tobias seemed unusually nervous. The festival had given the city such a buzz that the streets were rather empty, most probably because everyone had headed over there. When Tobias and his mother's house came into view, Sister Berthe began to grow impatient. She wasn't sure what or who exactly was waiting for her help but it suddenly occurred to her she hadn't had so much trouble since Maria.

He stepped aside to let her in. "Herding the goats wasn't an easy task today." Tobias began his explanation as soon as he closed the front door behind them. "I was running a little late which threw me off my daily schedule." He continued while leading her further inside. She wasn't sure where this was going. "Darkness came sooner than I had finished my daily tasks and was walking home quickly when I…" He stopped and hesitated for a second. The growing impatience displayed on Sister Berthe's face urged him on however. "I came across a horrible sight, Sister. There was a terrible car accident, you see." Sister Berthe wearily followed him to the back of the small but modest house, growing uneasy about this mysterious trip and beginning to think she may very well have misunderstood God's wishes.

"Tobias, I am not sure I am the right-"

"I found someone!" He cut her off, blushing slightly at his own rude behavior. "I have no idea who she is Sister Berthe, but she was just lying there so abandoned. There was someone else, too. A man… in a Nazi uniform." At this point Sister Berthe knew this was a mistake. With that Tobias opened the door to what seemed like a very small guest room and revealed a sight that made her gasp.

"Maria." She uttered in disbelief, staring at a very battered, bruised and unconscious Maria.

**To Be Continued…**

**A/N**: If there is any inaccuracy in the behavior of our Benedictine nun as far as being out goes, I do apologize. I admit that although I did research, I did take some creative license with this last part. If it would be impossible for her to leave the abbey's grounds then please kindly turn a blind eye to this error and consider it a necessary tool in the plot to achieve what I had in mind. This is fiction and sometimes a little rule bending makes it interesting. Thanks for reading again and feedback, as always, is VERY welcome!


	4. God's Will

**Disclaimer: I own nothing. The Sound of Music and its characters belong to their respective owners.**

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Sister Berthe felt God had given her a special kind of purpose today but she had to admit, this had taken her by complete surprise. In an odd way, Maria was being trouble yet again. Except this time she had to admit the young woman wasn't at fault. Sister Berthe had been horrified to find her here, knowing what kind of danger she meant. The von Trapp family was wanted after all. She wasn't really surprised that Tobias didn't know who Maria was, as far as she knew they had never met. He only wanted to help an injured woman who was apparently left for dead.

Sister Berthe stood in silence as the doctor treated Maria. She had had a fever when the Sister arrived and after sending Tobias to get the doctor – and instructing him to be discrete about it, she had put a wet cloth on her forehead and stayed with her. As much annoyance and headache as Maria had given her as a postulant, the sight of her so injured naturally affected her, too. The vow she had taken so many years ago also clearly urged to help the sick. She wasn't sure what God's wishes were but all the coincidence that put her into this situation seemed to clearly indicate that she was to help the young woman.

No one ever had given her as much trouble or disagreed with her as often as Maria had. Whatever Sister Berthe did to set her straight, nothing worked. She had thought making her kiss the floor would teach her a good lesson. But when that turned into a routine… and worst of all, when Maria took to kissing the floor just by the mere sight of her, she completely lost faith in her suitability. There was just not one time when she didn't have to warn the young woman about something. It was impossible to cross paths with her without noticing that something was amiss. She seemed incapable of comprehending the importance of silence, there wasn't a day going by without reprimanding her.

The constant need to remind her to keep still, stop whistling, quit running and focus on the task at hand gave her headaches. On top of it all, dealing with Maria meant exceed simple warnings regarding what a postulant could or could not do. While most of them needed little guidance to adjust to life in the abbey, for handling Maria the most unusual instructions were necessary.

_Come down from that tree_!

_Careful with that, you'll break it! _

_That is not where it belongs! _

_You can't climb on that!_

_That is not what it's used for!_

_Don't touch that!_

_Fix that tear on your dress! _

_Give me that!_

_You can't climb that either!_

_What are you talking about?_

That all, of course, when they weren't all wondering the same thing… "_Where is Maria_?"

Life with her wasn't as peaceful as the abbey was supposed to be. It still vividly lived in her mind when the young postulant's wimple – as a result of her unique waltz- flew out her window and somehow got stuck on the outside wall. Had it not been for Sister Berthe and Sister Sophia grabbing her in the last moment and pull her back, she would have climbed out after it. Maria was also responsible for accidents that otherwise wouldn't have happened to Sister Berthe. Her eyes narrowed at the mere memory of getting completely drenched one day due to how clumsy and flighty Maria was.

And yet, standing here now staring at her broken body, she seemed so fragile, so unlike… that pest she got used to. She couldn't deny that Maria was a force of nature. No, Maria was definitely not an asset to the abbey. But she definitely was one to the world. Sister Berthe loved God first and foremost but He had given everyone the ability to share that love. And as much as she preferred to keep it to herself, she _was_ fond of Maria in her own _hidden_ way. God had sent her to them and the Sister had learned a lot from that experience. The Reverend Mother had taken Maria in and now she understood why she was so tolerant with her. Maria had found her place but she sure needed her own journey and a lot of guidance.

"She's not well." The doctor's voice broke her reverie. She watched as he straightened, keeping his eyes on his patient as he spoke. "I cleaned the cuts and bruises but she needs more than that. Her wrist is broken. I put it in a cast which should help a little but she needs to go to the hospital. Her fever is better but obviously her body is still fighting." He then looked up at the Sister. "She's still out, she needs a more thorough check up and care but…" His next words confirmed the suspicion his facial expression had told her. He recognized Maria. "I don't think she's safe around here."

She didn't know what to do, however. Taking her to the abbey was out of question, they would look for her there if they hadn't already. And that was pretty much all as far as ideas went in her head. The doctor must have noticed the hesitation on her face for he spoke up again. "I have good friends in my profession who could help her. Elsewhere." It didn't take her long to catch on. Apparently the good old doctor wasn't a Nazi supporter either. "If comfortable and secured, she can be moved but she needs it fast." The sister realized the doctor was waiting for her permission. She most certainly was not in charge of Maria though. Questions arose in her mind, including where the Captain and the children were but Tobias' explanation clearly indicated they weren't with Maria when he had found her. The clock was ticking and she knew she needed to make a decision.

She most certainly wasn't safe in this house, neither were any of them being here with her. Waiting for the Captain to show was a possibility but since the family's disappearance caused uproar among the Nazis and they were basically hunted, it most certainly would be foolish for him to show up. Not to mention… how on earth would he know where to find her now that Tobias took her? But the most pressing matter was Maria's well-being and it was clear enough that she badly needed hospital care. Furthermore, the Anschluss had brought a new, intolerance and danger to the city. Hiding such a severely injured and wanted woman would be of nobody's benefit… especially Maria's, if found.

After taking a quick, contemplative glance at Maria, Sister Berthe turned back to the doctor and nodded. The doctor returned the gesture and went to find Tobias. Alone with Maria once again, she wondered if the woman had any idea about what was going on around her.

About twenty minutes later, Sister Berthe finally returned to the abbey. Everyone was busy with their own task and nobody questioned her about her whereabouts. For a while she contemplated talking to the Reverend Mother about everything that had happened but she eventually dismissed it for the time being. The doctor had told both her and Tobias that it would be best – and safest- not to tell anybody about Maria. He also didn't tell them where he was sending Maria -- and the Sister didn't ask. He felt –and she agreed- it was best not to reveal that information. The less they knew, the most honest they could be about claiming they didn't see her.

She retired to her own quarters, her mind reeling all along. The Lord had His ways and she didn't question it. She could only hope Maria would be safe. As for Captain von Trapp, she had made a decision to withhold this information until there was any way to speak to him. As for the Reverend Mother, she felt she needed to know about it but in her own due time. For the abbey's and her own protection, Sister Berthe would keep this all a secret and in the meantime, she would pray for all of them to be safe.

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Captain von Trapp had no idea how much time had passed since they left the cabin, nor did he quite grasp how they got this far in the first place. What he knew was that focusing on the task at hand was what kept him going, everything else was a blur. There was an odd sort of calmness in him. He had lost his wife… again. The excruciating pain didn't come however, not just yet. This wasn't like losing Agathe. He figured having lost his first wife was what made him shut down like this.

He should have known something like this would happen… Maria was too good. Their marriage and happiness was too good to be true. She was a wonderful human being who had saved him from the cold and rigid man he had become. So apparently God was punishing him yet again. What he did not understand… or could even forgive God, was hurting his children like this once more.

But Georg knew himself enough to realize that the weight of this all would catch up with him soon enough. For now he needed to be on guard and focus on the only thing that still mattered: the children. He had driven for long hours but he didn't know how long exactly, he had lost track of time. They needed to go to Switzerland by train but he couldn't risk going to the station in Salzburg, hence they boarded one in another city. Now all settled and on their way to a bitter freedom, he stared out the window straight into the night. Most of the children were asleep, not bothered by the small space (which shouldn't have surprised him given the mad, tiring dash they had made). Liesl was wide awake however.

The questions had been inevitable, all of the children wanted to know where Maria was. And it was obvious that all of them needed her, especially in a trying time like this. The answer he had wasn't enough but he did what he had to do: refuse to go into it in the middle of their escape. '_She will join us later_', was all he told them. He knew very well that avoiding the rest of their questions further increased their curiosity and he did not fail to notice their apprehension. He was unable to deal with breaking them the news _again_. Definitely not just yet.

He felt so utterly lost. How does one go from such high to this low _and_ survive it? Agathe's death had been tragic and very painful, yet different. Although at the time it felt nothing like any time was given to him to prepare, now it all seemed different. He had left Maria behind, intending to be away for a couple of hours only. And he never saw her again. She was taken and was now dead, from one minute to another she ceased to exist in his life – in body, anyway. Whenever his resolve failed, he could feel her. He could smell her perfume that he had given her as a gift during their honeymoon, the softness of her hair, the sweet taste of her lips… the warmth of her petite body. Narrowing his eyes, he tried to shut all of those images out. That was just his coping mechanism. He couldn't think of her, not right now when he needed to be alert.

His eyes quickly flickered to Liesl and the sight of the unshed tears in her eyes filled him with regret. He had ordered her not to talk about Maria's death to the rest of the children and she was visibly struggling with it. Although she had held up better than he had expected, now when they were asleep, she apparently couldn't help the tears. Her pain was surfacing and a part of him wanted to wrap her in his arms and share the grief. But he couldn't. The moment he let himself feel, the moment he accepted that Maria was dead, he couldn't go further. The children needed safety. He couldn't break down, not until they were far away from this horrible world. He hoped going to Switzerland would be fine as the first step and they would decide where to go later on. Now, with as much bitterness and hatred he felt, he decided to leave Europe and this godforsaken continent for good. This place had taken so much from them, it was time to take his legacy away and start a brand new life. A lonely one but a new one nevertheless. Hopefully America would provide that.

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Herr Zeller was beyond furious – at first. Had Karl not died in that godforsaken accident, he would have killed him himself with his bare hands. This was not how this all was supposed to happen. His carefully worked out plan to pressure Captain von Trapp into joining the Nazi forces was to serve as a demonstration of his own power, too. Granted the plan was to have the Captain join on his own and set an example to follow, had there been restraint, Zeller would have made sure he sent out a clear message of what was expected.

Although the Anschluss was welcomed by many unsuspecting citizens, there was concern about many, including several high end people. Hitler had began to take care of everyone who were suspected to be problematic. Captain von Trapp was definitely one of them, one Zeller wanted to take care of on his own. He wanted to send a message to other Barons and people of his rank to make it clear where loyalties had to lay. But now all that failed. Now everyone knew that von Trapp had taken his family and simply escaped.

Reports of Maria von Trapp were confusing however. Max Detweiler's body had been recovered days ago from a cabin at the von Trapp estate which proved that was where he and Maria had been heading during their attempted escape. The conflicting accounts of that evening were further complicated by her disappearance however. Nazi soldiers reported having seen her body at the scene of the accident, the very body that was nowhere to be found. When he had asked if they made sure she was dead indeed, he was appalled to learn that it wasn't a certainty.

The idea that she had reunited with her family and they escaped together was a thought that sent his fury into overdrive. Message had been sent out alright but not the one Zeller wanted. Yet during the search for the family it soon became obvious that there was no reunion. That she was badly injured was clearly reported, that was the reason why they had thought her to be dead in the first place. News of the sighting of the family before they departed to Switzerland both infuriated and intrigued him. There was no doubt the von Trapps had left the country. While he was thoroughly annoyed that they escaped the clutches of his soldiers somehow, at least he found out there was no woman with them – healthy or injured.

That made Herr Zeller inclined to believe that Maria von Trapp was indeed dead. Without proof but with strong suspicion. His first thought was that the sentimental fool von Trapp had buried his wife before the escape but his friend's body and lack of any graves on the estate or nearby the cabin made that unlikely. Wherever the woman was, she definitely did not escape with the family. Her injuries were severe as far as he knew, so she probably wasn't up for travel. So amidst all the confusing and infuriating mess, Herr Zeller had come up with the ultimate idea to turn this story to his advantage. He had publicly declared her dead. He had made sure to get the word out everywhere as a clear conclusion what fate awaited anyone who refused orders.

As for the truth… he had ordered a wide search for Maria. He knew it was possible that the Captain had taken his children out of the country while he planned to return and retrieve his wife as soon as he could. If that was the case, he would await him with open arms. In the meantime, Zeller would find her – or so he had thought. Days of search came up with no results. Every single hospital in Salzburg was thoroughly searched for the woman but they all came up empty.

Leaning back in his chair, Zeller rubbed his chin. What Zeller initially thought was the protectiveness of a man who was marrying out of necessity (that being an impregnated governess of his household), turned out to be the Captain's careful efforts to shield his bride from _him_. Mere glances and polite greetings were the extent of his allowed acquaintance with the Baroness before Zeller took her on that fateful day. Captain von Trapp may have been a naval hero but he definitely didn't know how to hide what was precious for him…

"_I do hope you are comfortable, Baroness." Zeller had told her as he leered down at her, standing above a gracefully seated Maria von Trapp in the small room where she had been kept during her short stay. _

"_Thank you." She said, before adding. " …for hoping." The snark took him aback. That was definitely not what he had expected from an ex-nun. Apparently she was picking up on her husband's twisted sense of sarcasm. _

_Nevertheless he wasn't entirely surprised that the Captain had fallen for her. Unlike all the other rich and famous, this woman's natural beauty contributed a great deal to her appeal. There was an aura of innocence and freshness around her that undoubtedly awoke men's curiosity… and the urge to experience that innocence first hand. Herr Zeller wasn't any different either._

"_Well…" He began, keeping his eyes on her. "…__ thankfully your husband can take care of this little… problem. All he needs to do is report to Bremerhaven."_

"_I'm certain my husband will do what's best." Came the enigmatic reply._

"_Certainly." He gave her a fake smile. It was easy to tell that she was aware of his scrutiny. She shifted ever so slightly when he came nearer and that replaced the fake smile on his face with a real one. He took a seat beside her, trying to make her uncomfortable. Zeller enjoyed every minute of exercising his power, a defenseless, delicate woman with such an alluring appeal seemed nothing like a challenge to intimidate. And challenge was not what he was looking for, it was the easy targets. "If you don't mind me asking… what brings a nun… to desert her faith and marry a man like Georg von Trapp?"_

"_I wouldn't know, Herr Zeller, I wasn't a nun." His eyes narrowed at her response, apparently she had a sharp tongue. "I was a postulant…" She continued. "…and I certainly didn't desert my faith." She told him calmly. "I merely put a lot of it in a man who loves me just as much as I love him. I'm following the will of God." _

"_God told you that?" He asked her skeptically, the amusement evident in his next words. "He talks to you in your sleep?"_

"_No. God speaks in many ways." Came the immediate answer and again that aura of innocence was glowing around her, this time strengthened with what he believed was naivety. Until she added… " I'm sure you'll find that out one day." The knowing look in her eyes revealed a woman who was anything but intimidated. Now she seemed every bit of the challenge he did not want._

He couldn't help wondering what she was thinking now. She had vanished and God only knew where she was. Zeller chuckled at that thought. Foolish woman… but an engaging one nevertheless. Whether she was alive or dead, he didn't know.

**To Be Continued…**

**A/N**: I realize poor Georg's oblivion may be frustrating to read but ah well, adds to the drama, no? *grin* Thanks for sticking with me though and I sure hope you'll continue to do so for I do have quite a few things in store.


	5. Confusion

**Disclaimer: I own nothing. The Sound of Music and its characters belong to their respective owners.**

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Ben was a dashing gentleman, many of his people would call him a good natured charmer. He was in his very early thirties and although looked handsome, he did not actually take advantage of his looks. His blond hair, blue eyes and his lean yet manly figure would have been a winner among the ladies of his rank had he ever paid much attention to them. He had always been the rebel of his unusual family. While his father and his considerably older brother were both decorated heroes, he had been the baby of the wealthy family and his mother's little boy. Yet he was everything but spoiled. While his mother was considerate and had a tendency to baby him, his father always disapproved of his son's refusal to follow him in his path.

That had taught him to follow his own path very early on. He did know, however, that as a young and capable man, he would certainly need to join the forces. That was until he, using his remarkable wit and reputation of his family, had got himself deemed unfit for duty. That had given him a freedom to do whatever he liked and hence decided to spend time on visiting one half of his heritage: Austria. With the recent Anschluss the country wasn't necessarily safe for someone like him – or appealing for that matter.

So after his brief stay, he had decided to take a trip to Switzerland and visit an old family friend to fill the remaining days of his trip. Said friend happened to work at a hospital in a small town close to the border and Ben came to thoroughly enjoy interacting with many of his patients. His father may not approve but he found a brand new use of his talents. Being a good hobby musician with great humor he had entertained and lifted the spirits of a few men and women alike. It was during one of these visits that he had discovered a woman unlike anyone he had met before.

His eyes immediately got stuck on her as soon as he had laid eyes on her. It wasn't just the fragile, vulnerable sight of a sleeping young woman that felt captivating. She had short blonde hair, a petite body and beautiful features. There was quite an extensive bandage on her right temple and partially her forehead which, as he had been told, covered quite an ugly wound. Yet despite the cuts and bruises that covered her, the cast her wrist was in and the obvious signs of a badly battered woman, she was still beautiful. It was the kind of natural beauty that not even such injuries could hide, quite unlike all the women his parents always tried to stick him with.

"Who is she?" He had asked Dr. Schwartz from the doorway two days ago.

"Maria." The doctor had said.

"What happened to her?" Ben further inquired.

"We don't know, but it sure seems like some kind of an accident." Dr. Schwartz lifted his head to look at her before letting out a sigh. "She doesn't know either. In fact, we don't even know who she is."

"How's that possible?"

"She arrived here five days ago. We found her outside, her scarf had her name on it, appears to be handmade. Whether she got here on her own or she was left on our doorstep for us to find her is unclear. Some of her injuries have been treated but… it's a real mystery who she is."

"Have you asked her?" The look Ben received as a response made him grin.

"As shocking as it may sound to you Ben, we good old doctors don't just poke around in the dark." He feigned annoyance. "She didn't wake up until yesterday. We were growing worried, really thought we were going to lose her. But she came around, she appears to be a fighter. Except she has no recollection of what happened to her… or who she is for that matter."

"Oh…" Came Ben's reply and his brows furrowed. "Isn't that… what's it called…" He tried racking his brain but he obviously was no doctor.

"Amnesia?" Ben nodded. "That is what it appears to be." The Doctor continued. "Unfortunately it's a field that is still great mystery and ideas about its nature… or its treatment greatly vary."

Just then a nurse appeared, notifying the doctor that he was needed for a patient. Ben, with his eyes still fixated on Maria, called after him. "Mind if I stay with her?"

"Suit yourself. Maybe you'll cheer her up." Was the reply before Dr. Schwartz disappeared.

A while later, even before opening her eyes, Maria could feel someone's presence. In fact, that was the first thing she felt. Her eyes slowly fluttered open, disturbed by the sudden daylight and she frowned, trying to adjust to it. Her vision was blurry first but soon the familiar hospital room came into view. Well, at least that was familiar. The man sitting by her bed sure wasn't.

"Hello." He greeted her with a warm smile on his face and she stared at him long, trying to place him. She couldn't.

"I don't know you." Was her groggy statement, her voice hoarse from the lack of use. She cleared her throat and focused harder on him.

"I don't know you either." He joked and had she not felt as awful as she did, she would have smiled.

"Are you a doctor?" She finally asked, trying to figure why was he sitting by her side then.

"No. I'm just a musician." That further puzzled her and it must have been evident on her face because he continued. "Your doctor is a good friend of mine." He offered as an explanation but her focus wasn't on him anymore but the sudden nausea she was feeling.

Inhaling deep, she closed her eyes and turned her head, trying to suppress the feeling. Why was this happening again?

"Are you alright, Maria?" The stranger asked and she merely nodded, doing her best to defy the sickness. She apparently wasn't convincing enough however because she felt a quick but gentle pat on her hand before she heard him move. "I'll get Dr. Schwartz."

A good ten minutes later, Maria was feeling better. She was glad the unknown man had unconsciously granted her some privacy for she made good use of the bucket that was kept by her bed. This wasn't the first time this sudden nausea had attacked her since she woke up either.

"It's due to your injuries." Dr. Schwartz stated as he felt her forehead, the unknown man once again seated by her side. "You were badly hurt in that accident. The symptoms you have are consistent with that of other patients' who had head trauma. Nausea, dizziness." He explained. "They should subside soon enough."

Maria nodded, relieved that her stomach was at ease yet again. Still, that wasn't her biggest problem. She had absolutely no idea who she was and had no clue why, how and when did she get here. She had been told she was in Switzerland and that, aside from being heavily injured, were the only things she knew for a fact. To say this was all unsettling was an understatement. Yet amidst all her injuries and the pain she was in, she didn't have much time to think. The time she did spend on racking her brain, however, got her nowhere aside from despair.

Her first awakening in this hospital and the realization that she had no answers to the simplest questions would be burnt in her mind forever. Not only did she feel emotionally vulnerable but her body was aching, too. Even if she knew she was supposed to be in a hospital… thus in capable hands, she felt everything but trusting. With as much uncertainty as she was feeling, she just didn't know how to handle the situation. Therefore she remained mainly quiet, speaking only if she was asked and even then she was curt. All her conscious time was spent on trying to make sense of this all but conclusion never came.

When Dr. Schwartz left to check on other patients, Maria was once again alone with the stranger. Stranger, everybody was a stranger to her. It felt frustrating. Still, she said nothing, merely eyed him carefully as he tried to make conversation – unsuccessfully.

"My name's Ben." He told her after yet another uncomfortable silence and that perked her interest. _Ben_. At last an acquaintance, even if it was a new one.

"Maria." She spoke finally. "Or so I've been told." She received a warm smile in response which she didn't return. Yet deep down she found herself appreciating the company for she had been feeling aggravatingly lost and lonely. And scared.

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Days of traveling did nothing to stop the growing heartache Georg was feeling. That his children grew tired and were so obviously upset about this sudden and long journey made Maria's absence all the more noticeable. Yet the Captain had taken charge yet again and had set a destination: America. He was firm in his belief that until they arrived safely to their destination, he shouldn't tell them about her for it would surely leave them devastated. Maria, bless his wonderful wife, had been so right: Liesl was already a young woman. He couldn't help but admire the strength she had been demonstrating all along. Yet a part of it worried him, too. His eldest daughter had always been witty and had learned a trick or two from him when it came to handling difficult situations – or him, but he now saw the way she was handling this tragic truth. The similarity to his own behavior was troublesome.

Although never once did Liesl say or do anything that would have upset the others or make them feel denied like Georg himself had done for so long in the past, he now was starting to regret his decision yet again for his daughter was getting better and better in hiding behind her façade. Still, she was young and a lot less experienced than he was and he could only hope she was merely doing this out of necessity and not as a permanent coping mechanism. If she was, it would be his fault, too.

"Father? When will Mother join us?" Marta had asked for the hundredth time as they boarded the enormous ship that would take them to the other continent. It was interesting to see that the little ones, Gretl and Marta, had already gotten used to calling her 'Mother' even in her absence. While all of them had clearly demonstrated their delight with her new position, they hardly spent time with them as a married couple. So he wasn't necessarily surprised when Louisa or Friedrich still called her Fraulein Maria out of habit. Not that hearing either 'Mother' or "Fraulein' helped his pain.

"Soon." He lied, hating every second of leading his children on. Yet he had convinced himself that it was for their own good and if there was one thing he would not give up until his dying day then it was doing everything for his children's future and welfare. He knew Maria would want the same. Had this been the old him, he would have told them the truth to cope with it and forbid any display of emotions or lack of focus on their journey. Ever since Maria had opened his eyes, however, he knew this would be too much for these youngsters to deal with.

Grief was heavily tugging on his own heart, how could he expect his children to deal with it while they were leaving their entire lives behind. Reassured in his idea yet again that lying, even if bad, was necessary, he went on to take his own seat, trying his best to avoid the disappointed looks on their faces upon his short answer. They wanted to know more about Maria and he was sure they could sense that something was off. But he hoped the ocean would distract them enough to make it to the other side before they would have to deal with reality. Even if in vain, he hoped it would give him some solace, too.

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"I'm sorry." Ben told her, hating to see the hopeful look disappear from her beautiful features. In the last five days since he had first spoken to her, he had become a regular -- and her only – visitor. He had no idea what it must have felt like for her to be without memories, family and an identity but he couldn't help seeking her company. It was thoroughly sad to see her so down and so alone, yet even her gloomy mood aside, he was drawn to her. He couldn't put his finger on what it was or why he felt that way, but he felt compelled to get to know her – the real her.

She wasn't an easy one to crack and he still hadn't entirely managed. But he considered it a great achievement that she was getting more and more involved in conversations with him, even if it was still too brief for his liking. Never one to be put off by that or be turned off by not succeeding at first, Ben had simply began to entertain her every way he could. He had kept her company, brought her gifts and did everything a relative should do. He tried to make sure she felt she wasn't alone in this world even if reality seemed to allude to that very sad fact.

Eventually Ben concluded the only way to really aid her in her recovery was to try to help her find out who she was. While he had first expected reluctance, he had been surprised to find that his offer was welcome after he swore it really was no trouble. The only clues they had as a starting point was the obvious signs of an accident and the item that brought great confusion: a ring. Aside from her clothes that tiny ring was her only belonging and Dr. Schwartz confirmed that it had been on her ring finger. Ben had watched her eyes widen at the realization and for the first time in days, hope had filled her eyes. It didn't take much to understand that the possibility of belonging to someone gave her newfound energy. Yet his latest findings… or their lack of, suggested nothing as positive.

He had asked around, described her in detail, tried to inquire about any kinds of recent accidents that had happened in the area and put up several ads containing information about her. While there had been a few people showing up in hope of identifying her as a long lost relative, none had turned out to be actually related. He had watched her throughout each visit, seeing the mixture of hope and apprehension on her face before it turned into disappointment.

Maria was a common name which didn't necessarily help in his search either. Moreover, the German she spoke wasn't distinctive enough to be able to tell whether she was from another area or was merely characteristic of the lower class. That all seemed to contradict the worth of her ring which seemed rather expensive. Theories he had but none seemed realistic. The possibility that her ring was stolen was also quickly dismissed in his mind because had that been the case, she wouldn't have displayed it on her finger but hid it or sold it. While her clothes were torn and dirty now, the fine material that they were made of suggested a wealthy background, too. Yet her appearance wasn't necessarily that of a socialite's. While he had found her beautiful and cute with her short do, it definitely was unlike the style of the rich even here in Switzerland -- or Austria for that matter.

Every stone he tried to upturn resulted in a dead end. That there was no one looking for her either seemed to confirm the suspicion he – and surely she, too—was thinking. She actually _might_ have been the only survivor of that accident or simply not sought after. Yet the latter idea just seemed unimaginable to Ben. Who wouldn't want to find her?

"Thank you for trying." She told him with a brave smile and he sighed, knowing it had to be breaking her heart that her last hope was gone, too.

She suddenly went pale again and Ben had learned to recognize the signs – she was feeling sick. Dr. Schwartz had told them it had to be because of her head injury but even the good doctor had grown worried when they failed to stop. Said doctor had chosen this moment to make his entrance but the worry was gone from his face despite the obvious signs of discomfort on his patient's face.

"Actually, at this point I'm fairly certain it's not a result of your injury." He told her when she admitted it was bothering her again, a small reassuring smile appearing on his face. "Maria, you're pregnant."

Ben's eyes went wide and he turned in time to see her mouth dropping in shock.

"I'd say you're about 6 weeks along." He told her and Ben could see she was completely taken off guard. "Isn't it wonderful?" The doctor asked.

"It's… " Maria was speechless.

"It's a miracle!" Dr. Schwartz added. "Considering how horrific and severe your injuries were… I guess you have a guardian angel."

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Carrying a half asleep Gretl, Georg ushered the children inside their temporary residence. It wasn't as hard to enter America as he had initially thought. While the children had obviously seemed tired, he had to make sure they had enough available money to get by. So after their arrival, the first thing Georg did was exchange all his cash. Once he had enough dollars tucked away in his inner pockets, he began looking for a place to sleep for the night. That was what brought them to this hotel with fairly good service. It wasn't what they were used to but it was the closest and most acceptable they could find in such a short notice. The children were quite clearly exhausted so Georg knew his priority had to be to let them rest.

Some time later, the Captain was sitting in the kitchen quietly, his face buried in his hands, willing his headache to go away. Yet peace wasn't possible, even if his head stopped throbbing, his heart would continue to ache. His short moment of grief was interrupted when he heard his children's voices coming from the suite's living room.

"You know something." Brigitta's voice was unmistakable.

"I do?" He heard Liesl ask.

"We all know you are hiding something." Lousia's accusatory tone wasn't lost on him and Georg knew right then and there that his eldest daughter had suffered enough. It was time to tell the children what happened and it most certainly wasn't Liesl's job.

"You should be asleep by now." He told them as he entered the room, his voice a bit harsher than he had intended. To his surprise, even Gretl and Marta were half awake again, watching as their older siblings cornered Liesl.

"We're sorry, Father. We just—" Liesl tried but he held up a hand.

"Children, I need to tell you something." He resisted the sigh he wanted to let out and his heart sunk. For a moment he was unsure if he could continue, so to buy himself some time, he motioned with his hand for them to sit.

Once they were all seated and giving him their undivided attention, he knew this was the moment of truth. Memories of the night when he had told them about Agathe's death flashed through his mind and he wasn't sure he could go through this again. Why was fate so cruel? What had their young and innocent children done to deserve this? That he was punished was something he could have dealt with. But the children…

His silence was unsettling, he knew, but Austria's great naval hero suddenly felt nothing of the bravery and strength he was so famous for.

"It's about Mother, isn't it?" Brigitta spoke up, Maria's words about how observant she was immediately flooded his mind.

"She's not going to join us. I'm sorry." He finally told them in the softest tone they have ever heard. While it was enough for Louisa and Friedrich to finally put the puzzle together, Kurt, Marta and of course Gretl displayed confusion more than anything else. It was Brigitta who remained cautious though, obviously hoping she didn't come to the same conclusion her older siblings had.

"Why?" She asked.

Georg averted his gaze and rubbed his chin, taking this short moment to hide the tears that were beginning to well up in his eyes. They needed a strong parent now.

"There was an accident… and…" By now Brigitta's eyes were moist, too, which he didn't see until he raised his head to finish delivering the horrible news. "… she didn't survive. She died."

"What?" Marta's lips began to tremble as realization hit her, seeing the tears flowing freely on Brigitta's cheeks by now.

Watching his children's reaction to such a horrible news once again was enough to break that tiny, remaining piece of his heart. The tension and suppressed grief now found their way to the surface in Liesl and he watched as she moved to comfort a wailing Marta. Brigitta couldn't control her emotions either and she cried just as hard as Kurt had, the fear on his son's face making him ache all the more. Friedrich was furiously wiping his eyes and Georg knew he was trying to act like a grown man but clearly failed to suppress the enormous grief of a child who had just lost his mother yet again. Oddly it was Louisa who wasn't crying yet her reaction wasn't any less heartbreaking. She simply stood still, watching the outburst of emotions in the room, looking shocked and rooted to the spot. That this news was a blow was clearly reflected on her stance. Yet the worst of all reactions was Gretl's.

The little girl ran to her father and wrapped her arms around his waist, looking up at him with pleading eyes. "It's not true, is it Father? She's coming back! I know she's coming back! She promised!"

"I'm sorry Gretl." Was all he managed but instead of crying, her face reflected despair and then stubbornness.

"I don't believe you!" She shouted in the most defiant voice he had ever heard from his five year old before she turned and dashed out of the room. Damn fate, God or whoever was responsible for this, he thought.

**To Be Continued…**

**A/N: **Ack, this turned out more depressing than I have planned. That's why I'm updating with two new chapters today to give you some kind of relief in the next one. :p If it helps anyone, I kind of had a young James Fox in mind for Ben, basically someone completely opposite of the Captain.


	6. Despair

**Disclaimer: I own nothing. The Sound of Music and its characters belong to their respective owners.**

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The past month had felt like a fairy tale (given her pregnancy) which turned into a horrible nightmare. The moment she had found out she was pregnant was the most significant one of her entire life so far. Given her lack of memories of her life itself this wasn't necessarily special, yet the wonderful news didn't come without fear and despair. She felt utterly uncertain and lost. Although her wounds were healing nicely, she was told some would leave scars. She had found herself caressing her as of yet flat stomach on a regular basis, trying to comprehend that she was indeed having a child.

Yet that thought alone was enough to bring new fear. She had no name… no family, nowhere to live and nothing to give. How could she provide when she didn't even have anything? How could she raise a child if she didn't even have an idea who she was in the first place? What kind of a mother would she be? The loss of her identity was what had caused the biggest issue to her. While she was slowly discovering what she liked and disliked, how temperamental or patient she was, the doctor had made it clear all of that may not be accurate just yet. She was in the hospital, healing from her physical injuries which obviously threw her off balance emotionally, too. The stress she was under was higher than normal, so if anything, she was getting to know herself in crisis.

It was utterly disappointing and heartbreaking to know that she had a significant other, someone who had conceived a child with her yet she had no recollection of him. She didn't know what to think. Was it possible to forget her entire life? Was she mentally ill? Did she merely not share such a strong connection with that someone to let that love prevail and let her remember? While trying to find all the answers in her own mind, Maria found nothing but more questions.

Another growing and troubling thought was the lack of clues or lack of inquiries about her. In the long weeks she had spent in the hospital, there was no one looking for her. She couldn't help but wonder… did they forget about her? Did they abandon her or did they perish in the same accident she was in? Who were 'they'? Were there any 'they' at all? There sure had to be a 'him' or else she wouldn't be pregnant. Yet the lack of answers and the increasing effort to remember pushed her into a downward spiral. The more she thought, the more she stressed. She couldn't help the doubts and negativity enter her mind. Was she a thief? Was she a nobody? What if she was merely disposed of BECAUSE of this child? What if she had gotten pregnant as a result of an affair?

Nothing made sense and nothing – or at least not much – seemed to bring her peace. Dr. Schwartz had enlisted the help of a nun who frequented the hospital to help women who needed God's guidance. The woman was lovely and understanding and Maria found her supportive and comforting. She appreciated the kind of help the Sister was giving her and she had promptly (and unusually easily) adapted the outlook the nun had… but it didn't last long. The more doubts she felt, the more questions she had about herself and her life, the less comfort she found in religion. She felt a kind of bitterness creep inside her that slowly poisoned her and further pushed her into the circle of questions she tried to find answers for. Did she do something that granted her this fate? Was God punishing her for something? While she was supposed to be understanding of the Lord's wishes and was supposed to find comfort and acceptance, it just became harder and harder to believe.

At one point she simply stopped taking comfort in God. She had to conclude she was alone, abandoned by her family, whoever gave her the ring, whoever gave her the child and abandoned by God. Truth was, the only person who provided her some sorts of escapade from her despair and loneliness was Ben. He definitely played a major role in rediscovering herself and for some reason, he remained by her side. She often got frustrated by the smallest things, such as inability to get around, open food or something equally simple in her mind. Yet he took it all in stride and stayed near to help if necessary. Soon he became her biggest support. While she had nothing to tell him about herself, he had managed to gain her trust by simply revealing a lot about himself. His name was Benjamin Reinard, half Austrian, half American, hence his knowledge of both English and German. He resided in the US and had come to visit Europe when they had met. He came from a wealthy family where he was the black sheep but he didn't mind. He could be goofy if that was what it took to cheer her up but was every bit of a serious gentleman otherwise.

Given the seriousness of her injures, the doctor had ordered continuous bed rest. Although her pregnancy was a miracle, it became clear that she had to be careful or she could easily lose the baby. Everyone knew Maria needed something to distract her mind with, something to find joy in so she could rest and relax properly. Unbeknownst to Ben, he had provided precisely that one day.

Noticing the far away look on her face as she stared out the window, her gaze fixated on the beautiful view of the hills, he asked her. "Do you like music?"

Her reverie broken, she turned to him and took note of the guitar he held in his hands. "I do." Came the confident answer which made him raise his eyebrows. Knowing the immediate response probably made him think she was remembering, she quickly added. "I heard some people singing through the open window yesterday. It was beautiful. Comforting."

"Good." He smiled. "I love music. I can play the guitar and the piano." He told her proudly. "I can teach you if you want."

Her face immediately lit up and Ben was awarded the brightest smile he had ever seen on her face. Yet the moment her eyes settled upon his hands, her face fell. Her gaze turned to her own wrist which wasn't hundred percent healed just yet.

"Don't worry, we can hold off on the guitar just yet." He reassured her. "Why don't you try to sing while I play? Can you sing?"

"I don't know. I could certainly try but… I just.. I can't remember any tunes."

"Mhmm. I'll teach you." He told her, his mind already reeling. His face suddenly lit up when an idea hit him. "I heard this beautiful song while I was in Austria, I think it should be just fine. It's called Edelweiss."

"Edelweiss?" She asked, the name coming to her lips so easily. Yet the moment she tried racking her brain and hold on to the familiarity, she came up empty yet again. Being used to that feeling by now, she dismissed the thought and listened carefully to Ben as he played and sang the song for her. His voice was soft and she had to hide a smile, obviously playing the guitar suited him more than singing but it was still wonderful and suitable enough for her to get a feel of the notes and to memorize the words.

"Join me whenever you'd like." He grinned when he noticed her lips moving, an obvious sign of having just learned the words. She smiled and did as she was told. Yet the moment she began singing, it was beyond his expectations.

"_Edelweiss, edelweiss. Every morning you greet me. Small and white, clean and bri-… _what?" She asked, confused when he stopped singing and looked at her all bewildered while continuing to play.

"Nothing. Go on, go on!" He urged her on and she complied.

"_Blossom of snow may you bloom and grow, bloom and grow forever. Edelweiss, edelweisss… Bless my homeland forever."_

The silence that settled after they finished the song was uncomfortable for her. Did she have such an awful voice? Yet the expression on his face didn't display horror. Turning away from his gaze which was starting to make her blush, the redness fully developed as soon as she caught sight of the nurse standing at the doorway and staring at her with wide eyes.

"Oh dear, you sing like an angel!" She exclaimed and Maria suddenly felt hot. Ben grinned at the sight, she was redder than a tomato. He wholeheartedly agreed with the nurse.

"Like an angel indeed. That was beautiful."

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Looking around one last time in the hotel suite they had spent the past month in, the Captain was satisfied to note that they had everything and weren't leaving anything behind. They were leaving New York. While he would have been fine in such a large city, aside from wanting to raise the children somewhere more peaceful, he was missing the country life himself. While interacting with so many people sure kept his mind busy, he soon grew tired of the fake smiles and pleasantries he was forced to share.

Truth was, Captain von Trapp rarely felt like smiling. If he did, it was only something in relation to his children. Yet that was rare these past few weeks, too. The loss of Maria was deeply tragic and had affected each of his children as he had expected.

Liesl, the eldest, seemed to be the strongest, too. She did what she needed to do. She was often required to comfort the youngest ones, if there was any kind of motherly figure in their life left, then it was Liesl. Yet he couldn't and didn't even expect such responsibilities of her. She had seen her down often enough and he knew she didn't only lose a mother in Maria but a very close friend too.

Louisa was stoic, very much so. He sometimes worried about the amount of feelings the girl kept inside. Never once did she cry – or at least he hadn't seen it – and he had no idea how to approach her. With so much grief, pain and anger he had been feeling about Maria's death himself, he wasn't sure he was the right person to try to talk to her either. Friedrich, just like on that fateful night, continued to try to be a man and act like a grown up. He saw the frustration on his eldest son whenever that resolve failed. He had seen the admiration in his eyes whenever he had looked at Maria. His son, who had so badly needed someone to guide him to the right path, had found someone who truly believed in him… and he had lost her.

Kurt seemed to be lost. Georg had noticed Kurt's attempts to mimic Friedrich or even their father to handle the situation as best as he could but he was way too young to be able to handle such a blow yet again. The most noticeable sign of his emotional turmoil had been the loss of his appetite. Although that was slowly recovering, he wasn't so sure about his son's feelings. Brigitta was mainly silent -- when she was among them at all. Her way of dealing was to bury herself further into her books, trying her best to believe that fairy tales did exist and that one day this all would be a bad dream. Georg worried for her, too. Although he had no heart to forbid the very thing that gave his daughter some kind of solace, he hoped she wouldn't get out of touch with reality.

Out of all the children, Marta cried the most. He had often found her weeping or seeking a hug and some comfort from whoever was willing to give it to her. Often enough he had heard a knock on his door in the middle of the night only to find Marta in the doorway with her teary eyes, looking so lost and fragile. Each time she pleaded to stay with him for the night, Georg gave in and let her fall asleep in his bed, carrying her back to her room only when he had made sure she was completely out.

And then there was Gretl. Gretl proved to be the biggest problem. While all of his children were coping and working their way through their grief, little Gretl refused to believe that Maria was dead. She wailed, she cried and she called for her in her most desperate moments but for the most part she got up each morning and promptly asked when Maria would be back. The little girl was so determined and hopeful, that soon none of the children had the heart to tell her for the hundredth time that Maria was not coming back. 'Soon' became the frequent answer, the one Gretl was willing to believe.

Now that they were moving to Vermont, however, Georg hoped it would do good to the kids. Nothing would ever help him but he was hopeful for his children.

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Weeks turned into months and Maria's memories didn't return. Although there were some concerns about her emotional and mental well-being, Maria proved to everyone that she was a fighter. Months of search for her identity came up with no results and Ben could feel some sort of acceptance settle in her demeanor. Thankfully singing turned out to be an activity that lifted her spirits considerably. That she couldn't remember many tunes wasn't a problem for her. If she wasn't singing songs (in both English and German) that he had taught her, she was making some up on her own. It got to the point where the nurses – although usually charmed by her beautiful voice – constantly had to remind her that there were times when it was inappropriate for her to sing.

In fact, the stronger Maria grew, the more handful she became. He had often arrived to the hospital to find himself in a search organized by frantic nurses because Maria had disappeared. By the umpteenth time he wasn't worried but amused. Most of the time she simply grew tired of her hospital room and wanted to get a little fresh air. That wasn't all, however. Maria often retreated to the most unusual places and relief – as well as annoyance – was always strong whenever she was found safe and sound. Over time, her growing belly was the only thing that seemed to keep this overly active woman in place. There were times when it was hard to believe this was the same woman he had found so battered and bruised five months ago. Yet he would have been blind not to notice the aura of sadness that always seemed to accompany her, the atmosphere that seemed to take over whenever she had some time to think.

That he was in love with her wasn't a question in his mind anymore. He had extended his stay with months but knew it was soon time to return home. The political scene in Europe wasn't too promising either and his family had expressed their wishes for him to return home as soon as he could. Truth was, Ben wanted to go back to America, too. But he wasn't planning on going alone. It was after one of those frantic searches that Ben had found her outside and decided to come forward with his idea.

"I need to leave soon, Maria." He had told her and her face fell.

"Oh." She said before she lowered her head. "I'll miss you." She told him with a weak smile and he didn't doubt that she would. He may not know what her full name or background was but he had learned a lot about Maria in the past months and he was aware that he could always count on her honesty. Although it was sometimes spiked with some bitterness which, he figured, was understandable because of her situation, she never failed to be true.

"I want you to come with me." Her eyes went wide in reaction.

"What? Me?" She asked, shocked.

"Well I could ask Nurse Therese, too, but you have a nicer voice." He grinned and she laughed lightly, yet the surprise was still evident on her face.

"I… I can't."

"Why?" He knew what she was thinking even before she could have said it, so he continued. "Maria, we tried everything. You've been here for months now and nobody came… nor did we find any traces of your family. There's a lot of tension here in Europe now, it's less and less safe with each passing day. Come with me to America. Start a new life. Give your child a chance of a better life than what it would have here."

She was speechless at first but he could soon see that she was considering what he was saying. Her hand went to gently rest on her stomach and she bit her lower lip. "But I… I can't even speak English, save those few songs you have taught me. I… I wouldn't know what to do there. I'll have a child… how will I support myself?"

"Maria." He grabbed her hand. "All those worries you would have here, too. Probably worse if you stay. The difference is, in America I can help you. Support you."

"I don't have papers. No documents of who I am." She reasoned and he knew his next words would probably reveal some of his feelings he hadn't told her about.

"I would take care of that." She frowned in confusion so he went on. "I'm American, getting you in with me would go easier. Especially if… if we said you were my wife, expecting my child." The blush that covered her face almost made him smile. This wasn't a marriage proposal per say, but even if it was just pretend to get her into the States, he would be satisfied.

"Ben I… " She stared at him, her mind reeling. "I need to think about this." He nodded. Although he had hoped she would say yes, at least she didn't say no.

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"Congratulations, Captain von Trapp. It's all yours now." The Captain merely nodded and forced a small smile on his face as he shook the man's hand. He just purchased a lodge, it wasn't too big but he had his plans and ideas that would hopefully soon turn this into a family business... and something that would keep his mind occupied. Vermont had a very similar feel to Austria – at least when it came to the scenery. Sometimes looking around felt like they had never left Austria and while he knew this kind of stability could help the kids, he wasn't so sure about himself.

As he had expected, grief was quickly catching up with him. There was no day going by without yearning for Maria. There was a hole in him that only she could fill, a hole that turned into a wound. One that would remain open and painful for the rest of his life. They say time heals the wounds. For him, it had been Maria. But who and what would heal HER loss? He could see on the children's faces that they immediately liked the place. He had invested all his money that he had access to in the bank and he hoped this business would turn out fine. What he knew for certain was that this would be tremendous work and that was exactly what he needed. Work to bury himself in.

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Never once had Ben seen such joy on Maria's face like now as she stared down at her baby boy in her arms. He was a beautiful dark haired baby with engaging blue eyes. Seeing the exhaustion on her features, Ben had never been more glad that she had accepted his offer to come to America with him. It took him quite a few attempts of persuasion but in the end he won her over. Her labor was difficult and as it turned out, dangerous. She was still extremely weak and they were letting her see her son only for a short while. He stood at the doorway and watched her from afar, feeling impressed that she had showed him yet again what a fighter she was.

As an aftermath of her accident back in Switzerland, complications arose during the last part of her pregnancy. Thankfully they had been in the States for about a month by that point and she had been carefully monitored by his family's doctors. He was told that had they been anywhere else, she might have died. Yet despite the joy and relief that they were healthy, there was a tragic consequence, too. After everything that had happened to her, Maria seemed to take it in stride when she had been told that she wouldn't be able to have another child. Ben greatly admired her strength even if he felt saddened by this newest blow. What else did this woman have to go through before she would catch a break? That she seemed unable to find any solace in God didn't surprise him anymore.

Felix. That was what she had named him. The way she was looking at her son made it obvious that she finally had a reason to go on, someone to live for. Ben was happy about that, seeing that tired yet wonderful smile on her face made his day. She was living in his New York home with him but had her own room that she would now share with the baby. Ben had promised he would take care of her and since she had still felt the aftermath of her accident and hadn't been out of the woods until she would give birth to her baby, she had welcomed his offer of help. He knew many thought they were a couple and he didn't mind. That little boy wasn't his but he would be willing to love him as his own. He wasn't a lovesick puppy, he never had been. But Maria captivated him like no one ever had before. He had been teaching her English whenever he could. While she very, very quickly learned how to play the guitar and how to sing and make use of that wonder in her throat, they had to take the English language in slower steps. He didn't mind, she was making good progress nevertheless, but it seemed to suggest she was no stranger to music even before her accident either.

Maria had received new papers as soon as they got settled in America. Coming from a wealthy and important family, it really was no trouble for him to have that done. Although she had initially arrived as Maria Reinard, she apparently didn't want to lie to his family. It was no secret in front of her that he loved her yet she hadn't shown much sign that she felt anything more for him than friendship. Ben remained a gentleman all along and never tried to take advantage of her but he knew he would be by her side all along and welcome her with open arms if she ever gave in to his very subtle and respectful advances.

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The Von Trapp Family Lodge. The vote was unanimous, all seven children liked that name best so that was what they were naming it. The hard work of the past months had paid off. While they still had some money left, the Captain knew having guests and having this place going was essential for their survival. So far so good, he thought. In the past months he hardly had time eat and sleep, let alone think. Now that the hard work was done, however, he feared all the time he would have alone with his thoughts.

The children seemed to love Vermont even if they missed Austria… and of course Maria. The school he had found them met his standards and their early education of the English language came very handy. Grief and sadness continued to linger but each time he heard laughter or anything that occupied the children, he felt relieved. To his surprise they didn't stop singing. In fact, they loved to sing all of the songs Maria had taught them. Unlike him, the children didn't cope by trying to push the thoughts aside.

As for Georg… he was more like the Captain yet again. Although he didn't shut them out or demand strong discipline as much, he didn't really notice how his behavior was affecting the children. He heavily buried himself in work. He was living for them… but not with them. It wasn't forbidden to talk about Maria… but slowly, unconsciously each child learned not to. It affected their father so they avoided every mention of her in his presence. He still overheard them often enough to realize how important part of their lives she had been… and most probably always will be. A part of him still felt that she was just away. A part of him wanted to believe just like Gretl that she would be back one day and everything would be alright.

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Life for Maria in New York wasn't much different than it was in Switzerland: she felt just as lost. As her pregnancy had progressed, she felt more and more responsible for the life growing inside her. That had also increased some of her fears. She knew having Ben was a great help, in fact, had it not been for him, she wouldn't be here now… and neither her nor her son would be alive. She owed him her life, she knew that. Yet a part of her became more and more hopeless and bitter. Was she like this before the accident, too?

There was still so much she didn't know about herself. For long she had hoped the memories would return. She had held out hope that maybe she just needed time, something… anything to trigger her memories. Looking at her 6 months old son, she saw a face she adored and knew to be a part of her. Yet she had no idea who his father was. She felt both ashamed and frustrated with herself. Why couldn't she remember? What was she going to tell his son about his heritage?

She figured the loneliness that was gripping her heart and the need for human touch was that had pushed her straight into Ben's arms. He had proposed to her one afternoon and she was completely shocked. Yet it was clear to her that it wasn't her strong love that had her say yes but her hormones acting up, as well Ben insisting a marriage would ensure a safe future for her child. Although she was told it was natural for pregnant women to feel heightened sexual desire and she _truly_ loved him, aside from physical satisfaction he couldn't give her the peace she was seeking. He had been gentle and wonderful with her and she could feel love and compassion radiating off him every single minute. Yet even though he did his best to pamper and spoil her, love her and be there for her, she just didn't feel whole. She often wondered if her attraction to her fiancé was merely based on her gratitude and deep friendship. Her eventual loss of desire to be with him seemed to prove that theory, too. She often found herself unable to reach the heights in bed that two lovers should and she regularly welcomed the interruption in the midst of their passion by her son's nightly wake up call -- it was great a great excuse and cover for her lack of desire. And then there were the times when she simply wasn't in the mood at all and turned him down.

Ben was the perfect gentleman. Caring, handsome, attentive, gentle… yet it wasn't fulfilling enough. She felt bad about it. She tried her best to hide it from him, after everything he had done for her, the least she wanted to do was to break his heart. There seemed to be a lock on her heart which kept all happiness outside and nothing seemed to be able to get through. Her son was her only source of joy. He was an active little boy who seemed to succumb to moments of peace only if his mother was singing to him. Deep in her heart she felt Ben wasn't the one for her. While a part of her still held out hope for finding or remembering the man that had conceived her child, another part of her knew Ben wasn't the type of man she needed. With her ever growing doubts about their romantic relationship, her need to be more independent grew.

Ben shouldn't have been surprised to learn that Maria felt confined. It wasn't necessarily uncharacteristic given how active she had been – definitely something that her son got from her. New York wasn't really the place to take long walks or have the kind of fresh air she had in Switzerland. Although there was mention on her part of not wanting to be a burden, despite his insistence that she wasn't one at all, he found himself coming up short against her unique talents of winning an argument. She seemed very good at it and her honesty always got her points across. Eventually it was him who came up with the perfect solution. Apparently New York was a great platform for talents like her and with his careful guidance and watchful eye to make sure she wasn't taken advantage of, Maria soon began a promising and budding singing career.

There was a brand new side of her emerging in the months that followed. He watched in awe as she came so alive on stage, soon performing in front of sold out theaters. Papers and critics were raving about her talent and soon she was one of the most sought after singers. While her career went well, however, Ben couldn't help worrying about her well being. Memories or even clues about who she had been continued to elude her. The ever growing resignation he saw on her made her retreat into a shell more and more and the public interest in her as a person seemed too much of an exposure and pressure.

The feeling that the real her was lurking somewhere beneath the surface lingered since the moment he had met her. Yet now she developed a façade and while singing was a great outlet for many of her feelings, he realized performing also taught her how to hide her true self, how to guard her vulnerability. Her smile was for the public and even theatrical at times. He could tell because the real her he so badly wanted to know more of emerged only when she was with Felix.

She had changed her appearance, too, although that wasn't necessarily new. While wearing make up became a habit since she began performing, the change she had gone through was gradual ever since that fateful day in the hospital room. First of all she had let her hair grow. While her neck was still wonderfully exposed and the overall sight of her didn't necessarily change, she now wore it in a tight bum, making her look more sophisticated, more like a part of the world she was now living in. He also knew it was another way of her to hide. That same hair was carefully brushed to the side on the front, covering a good portion of her right temple and forehead. While to many it looked stylish, he knew she was merely covering her most hated scar.

She wore clothes made of silk, satin and all sorts of fine materials and eventually she simply emerged as a real dame – with good taste. Yet underneath it all there was sadness that she attempted to hide from him, too. He wasn't blind, he had noticed that their relationship wasn't going as well as he would have liked. But he was patient. Not many people went through as much as Maria had in such a short amount of time.

It was on a fine summer day that he was sitting with Maria on the beach, watching 16 months old Felix, that he decided to come forward with a suggestion that had been breeding on his mind. While she had told him numerous times that she had given up on trying to find her past, he knew she was haunted by strange dreams lately. She never told him what they were about but he often woke up at night to find her tossing and turning or mumbling nonsense in an obviously disturbed slumber, sounding like a small child asking for help. He didn't know the content but she had told him she couldn't decide if they were memories or just her imagination playing tricks on her.

Her laugh broke his reverie and he watched as she smiled at his son who was, once again, playing nearby with a small ship. She never took her eyes off him. It puzzled both of them where the boy's strong love for ships, boats and water came from, they really didn't often come down to the beach. Yet he enjoyed playing with them, his daily bath always lasted at least an hour for he needed his time to play in the bathtub. In fact, the boy's limited amount of vocabulary included 'ship' --- aside from (among others) his first word: 'Momma'.

"You look tired." Ben told her, running his hand along her back, trying to suppress the jolt of desire the touch had caused him. Due to her renewed emotional turmoil, he had cut back on trying to make advances in bed and she didn't initiate any contact more serious than a hug, a kiss or cuddling either.

"I am, a little." She admitted.

"Why don't we take a little vacation?"

"Vacation?" She asked, slightly turning her head to him but not taking her eyes off Felix.

"Yep. A good friend of mine told me about a cozy little place in Vermont. Beautiful hills, breath taking scenery, fresh air…"

"Hills?" That seemed to perk her interest just as he had expected and she threw him a quick look.

"Felix would love it and I know you miss that atmosphere. It would give us all a chance to clear our heads and relax a little."

The smile grew on her lips and he was glad to see she was liking the idea. "I always wished I could show him the Alps and those beautiful mountains." Just the mention of it seemed to lift her spirits and Ben knew right then and there that it was a good idea.

"Great. I got good recommendations about the Von Trapp Family Lodge. I'm sure we'll have a marvelous time."

"Von Trapp?" She asked suddenly with a little frown.

"Oh yeah, they are from Austria." He told her. "You heard of them?"

"No." She said, shrugging off an odd feeling of familiarity. She had probably read the name somewhere before and that was all.

**To Be Continued…**

**A/N: **Again, thank you for reading and sticking with me. THANK YOU for all the feedback, even if it's just a shout out that you want me to continue, I appreciate them all!


	7. Reunion

**Disclaimer: I own nothing. The Sound of Music and its characters belong to their respective owners.**

**A/N: ForeverJulie, **although I shed some more light on it in this chapter to make that clearer (just in case anybody else had the same question that you did) but the answer in short is that no, they are not married. Just engaged. :)

**Em**, thank you, I'm glad you like the depth I gave Maria. She's got a different vibe to her in my story I know but that's all part of the plot. :)

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Hitler was crazy. Captain von Trapp didn't understand how anybody could fall for his lunatic ideas. Was the world so greedy and twisted? Was it maybe just HIM who didn't see the good in the Nazi ideals? Nah, no way. The man had destroyed his beloved country and everything that was good. And now he was threatening Europe. Was that what Austria had signed up for? Not that it mattered much to him anymore. Aside from his children, nothing really mattered to him.

Although he had tried his best not to shut them out like the last time, his strict resolve and no nonsense attitude returned. He granted the children enough free time to play and do as their wished but times spent with him weren't as happy anymore. The children had taken it in stride. They had been through it before and apparently they adapted to the situation easier than he would have thought. He hated himself for closing up yet again and truly made the effort to show them he did care for them but there wasn't as much happiness in the household anymore.

That wasn't necessarily a surprise, however. Doubts and regrets tortured him each single day. He should have gone back, he should have given Maria a proper burial. God only knew what the Nazis did to her body. In his most desperate moments, he wished he had seen her dead body to let his heart have that finality that it rejected. He blamed himself for her death, too. She had died because of him. Had she not married him… had he not strayed her from the path she had originally chosen, she would still be alive. Frustration was also a regular companion now. He hated the Nazis, he hated war, he hated Zeller and hated everything that had anything to do with them. He wished so much that he could do anything about it. He wanted to take revenge for the loss of his beloved country but most of all for the loss of his beloved wife. He so badly wanted to take part in plots, to fight them… to do anything against the Third Reich and Zeller. But he couldn't. Not only was Georg so far away but the children had no one to take care of them had anything happed to him. It wasn't their fault at all and he had tried to vent his frustration through different means… like long walks or horseback riding. Yet he felt confined. Maria was dead and he couldn't do anything about it.

He hadn't as much as looked at another woman since Maria. The most he could offer in a drunken moment was a physical relationship and nothing that involved his heart. The Captain was a gentleman and wouldn't and couldn't ask that from a respectable woman. As for the not so respectable ones, he wasn't interested. Unfortunately for him there was a lady who had taken a liking in him. Her name was Elizabeth Knightly, a widow in her late thirties. He had eyes so it wasn't lost on him how pretty – and wealthy—she was, and there was something about her that reminded him of Elsa. That particular ship had sailed and he was glad it had and he wasn't the least bit interested in anything like it again, let alone in Mrs. Knightly. He was polite with her whenever she came over, his business had done business with her business but he merely tolerated her presence. His children weren't particularly fond of her either but he refused to let them alienate her. Just because he wasn't up for a relationship didn't mean they had to be anything less than civil.

He flipped a page in the reservations book, remembering they were expecting new guests later that day. He remembered that the guests were wealthy, something the Captain liked since those people brought in the most money, and that they had initially booked for three weeks.

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Felix was a handful today and Maria let out a soft sigh as she finished her song, relieved that the boy finally fell asleep in her arms. He had exhausted himself before they left and was cranky during the ride, giving his mother hell before finally falling asleep. At least now he was out cold and Maria expected him to stay that way until the end of their journey – depending on the road and their driver. According to her calculations, they should arrive to their destination by the time Felix would wake up – if the toddler stuck to his schedule that is, which was rather difficult today.

"He's just like you." Ben commented with a grin and she snorted, very un-lady like, in response. Despite the more sophisticated appearance, there were still times when the misfit of a woman he had gotten a glimpse of in Switzerland emerged without her guards on.

"I fall asleep without this much hassle, thank you." She told him in the same manner. He noticed the grin on her face as he sat next to her and was relieved to see that their getaway was already doing good to her, even if they hadn't even reached the lodge yet. He was hopeful it would do good to their relationship too, hence he had high hopes for the upcoming three weeks. He had been very happy when Maria accepted his marriage proposal, the happiest he had ever been. Yet despite doing everything he could and treating Felix as his own, something was missing. Despite their long engagement, they hadn't even set a wedding date and she didn't seem too bothered about it.

"You haven't told me much about the place." She spoke again while her right thumb continued to draw lazy circles on her sleeping son's cheek ( out of habit), while the little boy kept clutching the front of her mother's blouse in his sleep, most likely leaving it all wrinkled. She didn't seem to mind.

"Well it's a family business from what I've been told." He moved to put an arm around her, smiling when he felt her relax into him. "Captain von Trapp purchased the place after moving here from Austria and then about a year ago he started hosting guests."

"Captain?" She asked, raising her eyebrows.

"A retired, decorated officer of the Imperial Navy." She merely nodded and listened as he went on. "I hear poor man has lost two wives. He's running the place while being in charge of his seven children."

"Seven children?" Her eyes went wide upon hearing that information, quickly looking down at Felix who didn't even stir at the raised voice of his mother.

Ben chuckled. "What's the matter? You do like children, don't you?" He teased, his eyes quickly flickering to the one in her arms.

"Well yes, but... seven?" He laughed and kissed her temple.

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The lodge was doing well enough now to afford actual staff. They had a cook, two maids and even a receptionist who also served as a butler. The Captain was grateful for that because despite his background and experience in hosting, he hadn't been feeling too communicative these past few weeks. He was usually available if the guests wanted to see him but for the most part he was either dealing with the children or was off in his own world, preferring to spend his time in privacy.

Grief was gradually taking over now that there was less for him to do and as much as he hated it, he was slowly retreating yet again. He didn't hire a governess for the children, he simply trusted and put Liesl in command. The past two and a half years were trying for all of them. While his children continued to grow and seemed all settled in their new home, he just didn't think anyone could take Maria's place, either as a Mother or as a governess.

In the middle of his afternoon stroll on the grounds of his estate, he wasn't in a hurry to get back to the lodge just yet. The new guests they were receiving today would be perfectly catered to by the staff. It was one of those days when his pain was a little more intense than in usual and he just wanted to be alone.

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Back at the lodge itself, Maria carefully got out of the car and admired the breathtaking view. Or tried to. Felix was gripping her hand and kept tugging on it, the little boy obviously had no time for his mother's sightseeing. He had important business to attend to: running around. Laughing at her son's persistence, she gave in and began walking with him, allowing him to run as much as his short legs could carry him.

A staff member who Ben figured had to be the butler, indeed awaited them. He quickly took care of their suitcases and refused any of the help Ben offered. While the young man hurried off with their luggage, Ben joined Maria who was busy trying to restrain her son from thumping on the pretty flowers beside the pavement that led to the main entrance. Grinning yet again, he simply swept the toddler off his feet and lifted him up, emitting a giggle from the small child.

"How about we take care of formalities while Mommy admires the view, huh?" He asked him and Felix' response was to point his finger at his mother, uttering a simple 'Momma'. "I think he means you're allowed." He joked and enjoyed the sound of her chuckle. He leaned in to place a quick, soft kiss on her lips before he walked away and disappeared through the main door of the Von Trapp Family Lodge with Felix in his arms.

There was a newfound silence around her with the sound of the birds and a soft wind blowing, giving her the kind or peace only the mountains could provide. She had been here for less than five minutes but she had felt more at home than anywhere else so far. Did she love nature and the hills this much before her accident, too? With Felix and her performances occupying most of her time, she hardly had time to think about all that in the recent weeks. As painful as it would have sounded to more than two years ago, she had grown to accept that she would never recover her memories or her previous life for that matter. Although the unknown part of her past left her insecure in many ways (which she tried to hide with a well structured façade), resignation which later turned into acceptance was what she had felt foremost.

She lifted her face towards the afternoon sun, closed her eyes and inhaling the fresh air deeply, she could feel every part of her body relax. It was quiet over here. What she didn't notice was a 7 year old staring at her in awe merely a few steps away.

Gretl had been disappointed in the morning because she had received the usual answer yet again. Each day she had asked her siblings when Maria would be back. Each day they told her '_Soon_.' Well for Gretl, it just wasn't soon enough. The young girl didn't know why anybody believed that she was gone for good. She sometimes felt frustrated with all her older siblings for not believing in what she did. Yet she missed her. Gretl awfully missed Maria's voice… her smile… and her ability to make everything better. Her father was feeling sad again and she didn't understand why didn't her new Mother come home to them already and comfort him.

Leaving all of her siblings behind with a huff, Gretl had been spending a good few hours outside around the Lodge, collecting flowers. She looked for all sorts of colors and shapes and not for the first time she was disappointed that there was no Edelweiss in Vermont. Yet all thoughts of flowers were suddenly forgotten when she had made a full circle and got back to the arrivals area. There she stood, in the finest clothes Gretl had ever seen her mother in, smiling with her eyes closed. For Gretl this wasn't a moment of shock but a long awaited and overdue reunion.

"YOU'RE BACK!" Gretl cried and threw the flowers away before making a mad dash to the very woman she had been missing SO very much.

Maria's eyes snapped opened at the loud yet very young voice and turned her head in time before a girl threw herself at her with all her might. Maria tumbled a little and her eyes went wide at the unexpected contact. But the hug the child was giving her held nothing threatening. If anything, it was full of joy and overwhelming strength, as much as such a young girl could muster. In fact, it felt like she was clinging to her for dear life.

"I KNEW IT! They didn't believe me, but I knew it!" The girl lifted her head and the happiness Maria saw on the child's face, although confusing, was an overwhelming sight. Placing a gentle hand on the top of the girl's head, she couldn't help the smile.

"Knew what, darling?" Maria asked gently, her confusion reflecting on her face.

"We have to tell the others!" Gretl said with great enthusiasm, not answering her question. She tugged on Maria's hand gently once before she ran ahead, turning back halfway when she realized Maria wasn't following. "Come! Come!"

Maria, her face once again in a frown that relayed her confusion, did as she was told. Not only did the child seem to be on her own which instinctively reminded her of her own motherly protectiveness, but the little girl awoke her curiosity enough by that point to try to find out what was going on. Yet the child gave her no chance to ask any more questions for she turned on her heels the moment she saw Maria move and ran forward. Shaking her head, she followed, utterly lost. Was it possible that the little girl had seen her sing in New York and now recognized her? That was the only explanation she had for the events that had just transpired or for her enthusiasm.

Gretl, with heavy footsteps and with all the noise of an overly excited young girl, rushed through the main entrance and past the reception. Ben, who happened to be busy with the aforementioned formalities, raised his eyebrows in surprise. "Young Miss Gretl von Trapp." The receptions offered as an explanation without looking up and Ben smiled, noticing that it awoke the interest of an oddly peaceful Felix in his arms. The little boy had been observing the lodge with wide eyes, obviously in awe of the brand new environment.

Gretl didn't stop until she reached the main lounge where she knew her siblings would be. Although their father was strict about not bothering their guests, the children knew he was out on his usual afternoon stroll and wasn't expected to be back for a while. Since they were all quietly occupied, they were seated in the lounge which was quite spacious and comfortable. The large windows had the kind of wide seats that Liesl loved – and where she was currently seated. The furniture and the room itself almost reminded her of their old living room back home, except this was much larger and accommodated a lot more people. Apparently this had been a conscious choice by their father, for he wanted to stick with his own old traditions and felt creating a homey feel for guests to wait or spend time in was essential. Liesl felt their father was still every bit of a Baron, even away from Austria.

Said lounge had two entrances, one leading to the reception area and another one leading outside to an open terrace. The terrace itself gave a spectacular view of the mountains and had a few stairs which led to the garden designed for the guests. It had a few benches and a fountain, providing both cozy corners and spots where one had an overall view. Since there wasn't a fence anywhere, one could easily make their way through the garden and take a stroll up to the meadows before reaching the mountains. If there was one thing Liesl loved about this place more than home, then it was that the hills were so much nearer to the house than in Salzburg. She quite often mused just how happy Maria would have been here.

"SHE'S BACK!" Gretl's excited shout made Liesl raise her head from the book she was reading. The rest of her siblings -- who were all occupied with either a card game or their own books -- all looked at Gretl, too. "I knew she would be back!"

"Who's back, Gretl?" Liels asked the very question that was written on the faces of all the von Trapp children.

"Freulein Maria… I mean Mother!"

In the meantime Maria stepped through the door of the Lodge and her eyes immediately settled on Ben and her son at the main desk. Yet there was no sign of the little girl she was supposed to be following and she looked around, still confused. "Have you seen a little girl running by?" She asked them and the receptionist proved to be useful yet again. "She headed to the main lounge, Madam." He told her and when she raised her eyebrows, he further instructed her. "To your left."

Back in the lounge, Liesl exchanged worried glances with Friedrich and then Louisa, the latter not hiding the expression that implied Gretl probably had finally lost it. Surprisingly, it was Kurt who spoke up first in a rather irritated manner.

"Stop it, Gretl! It's not funny! She's GONE, can't you just grasp it?" The moment he said those words Liesl knew all hell would break loose. Nothing could convince Gretl that Maria was indeed dead but this latest development was very alarming. She wished their father had been around to deal with her because she clearly was taking this to a new level. Liesl had been aware of Kurt's irritation with Gretl and now everyone was looking at the young girl with great skepticism. She herself had often wished Gretl had finally grasped that Maria died, it sure would saved all of them a great deal of unnecessary heartache.

"Is not!" Gretl bit back, yet there was no sign of anger. If anything, nothing could throw off her excitement. "I just saw her!"

"There you are." Maria exclaimed upon stepping into the lounge, unsuspecting of the drama she had just walked into, or the one she would just trigger. While the young girl immediately hugged her again, Maria wasn't sure what to make of the disbelief that settled on six other young faces.

That didn't last long, however. Marta was the quickest to recollect from the surprise and within seconds she was clinging to Maria in very much the same manner as Gretl was. Liesl, covering her mouth with a hand, watched the scene unfold. There was a confused but charmed smile on their Mother's face upon the greeting and soon Brigitta, Kurt, Louisa and then even Friedrich joined their youngest sisters. Liesl didn't waste much time. Completely oblivious of the clear signs of puzzlement on Maria's face, she completed the crushing group hug, tears of joy glistering in her eyes. To her biggest surprise, Louisa's tears were flowing, too, and Liesl had no doubt they were from happiness. In the past two and a half years this was the first clear sign of Louisa's emotions. It was touching.

As for Maria, she was beginning to feel overwhelmed. She had grown accustomed to admirers, she had received many compliments from people after her performances and many had been supportive of her even without knowing her personally. Yet this strong affection these children displayed for her was most puzzling… and crushing. Literally. An eerie feeling began to settle in her mind and her initial idea that they were fans began to fade the moment she could make out some of the words amidst their loud noise.

"Mother!"

"I'm so happy you're back."

"I love you, Mother!"

"Fraulein Maria, I knew you'd be back."

She didn't know which cry belonged to which child but she grew fairly certain there had to be a huge mistake here. She attempted to speak but they were much too happy and excited, seeming reluctant to let her go. She was beginning to feel uneasy. The impending disappointment she was about to cause them made her feel bad, so she knew she had to put an end to this before it would escalate.

"Children…" She tried but it was in vain. "Children!" She tried a little louder but apparently it wasn't enough just yet. She finally managed to pull her right hand free and she promptly made good use of it. She whistled as loud as she could and that finally did the trick. Seven surprised but smiling faces looked up at her and she carefully untangled herself from them, gently rubbing the arms of whoever stood closest.

"We missed you so much, Mother." Liesl was the one to speak for all of them.

"There must be some kind of misunderstanding…" Maria tried gently. "I… I'm not your mother."

"We thought you died." Liesl continued, not really acknowledging what Maria had just said.

The moment those words registered in her mind, Maria's heart skipped a beat. Having been disappointed so many times in the last two years, she initially refused to rationalize the implications of those words. No, this couldn't be. It just couldn't. They couldn't have known her back in Switzerland… Nor could she be their mother. That just wasn't possible. A thousand thoughts began flooding her mind at once, all of which trying to convince her that this was a misunderstanding. It included refusing to believe she had seven children. Her body definitely did not bear the signs of having given birth before Felix… not to mention that she was way too young. That in itself let doubt sneak into her mind. In reality, she had no idea how old she was. Although the doctors have given her a well educated guess, she was just still too young for the oldest ones. But what about the youngsters? What were they doing in America…. and if she WAS their mother, what was _she_ doing in Switzerland?

All of this was too much information and overwhelming to handle, especially with the speed all of it raced through her mind. No, this was impossible. Maybe they were just joking…. or trying to play some trick on her.

"You're our mother!" Brigitta stated matter of factly, bringing Maria back to the present. There was the kind of conviction in the child's voice Maria would have given anything for after her accident. She had longed to find her family, someone to claim her, someone to identify her and tell her who she was. But this… this had to be a misunderstanding, right? She had given up hope long ago. Memories never returned and there was nobody else out there looking for her. Maria had been so hurt and disappointed in the past that she simply did not even dare to hope this situation really was what it seemed like. If this was a joke, this wasn't funny. She was growing a little apprehensive.

"Don't you remember?" The younger of the two boys asked her.

"No." She said in her dismay before adding silently. "As a matter of fact I don't…"

"You don't remember us?" Marta asked astonished.

Outside the Lodge, Georg wasn't particularly happy. What he hoped would be his private downtime alone instead turned out to be a walk back to his home spent with plastering a small, polite smile on his face. Elizabeth Knightly had caught him while outside and promptly decided to join him in the walk. Needless to say, he wasn't pleased. The only reason why he did try to be civil with her was the fact that she had done nothing wrong in particular. It wasn't her fault that his entire world had crashed two years ago and that he had lost a wife again. It wasn't her fault that he was feeling either way too hollow or hurt most of the time and that he had been failing to aid his children in their emotional development during this difficult time. Georg had been aware of the rumors going around that they held mutual interest in each other given that they were both widows, but there was absolutely no interest in her on his part. He made sure he never implied anything that she could have misunderstood. Whether she accepted that yet still decided to try to maintain a friendship with him… or was unable to grasp his lack of interest, Georg wasn't sure.

"You've come a long way, Georg." Elizabeth complimented him as she continued to carry the conversation. "Look at how great the Lodge turned out." His response was a simple not. "It must have been hard for you. Losing my dear Jimmy has been devastating, but you also had to leave your country… your home. I greatly admire you."

He nearly scoffed. Miss Knightly, as she was called by most people, clearly had no idea what he really was like. He had the name, he had his decoration and had his family history, some of which was public knowledge unfortunately. Yet he found nothing about himself to admire. He felt like a trainwreck, his resolve and façade precisely in place to keep everyone out so he could cope with how empty his life had become. If that hadn't been enough, his conscience about his children kept plaguing him, too, yet his grief overshadowed and overpowered everything else. He had been in pain for so long. While Elsa had helped him realize he was still among the living, it was Maria who had brought the life back into him. That life died with her for good.

"Thank you." He told her politely as they had reached the bottom stair of the terrace. View he had none yet but he could hear the loud voices of his children coming through the open doors of the lounge. His eyes narrowed slightly in mild annoyance. They had been expecting new guests in the afternoon and the children were evidently not following his orders regarding keeping a quiet and peaceful atmosphere in areas reserved for guests.

Barely acknowledging Elizabeth following in his footsteps, he confidently and quickly made his way up the stairs and entered. He never anticipated the sight that greeted him.

"Father!" Friedrich called out, bringing everyone's attention to him.

"Father, look. She's back!" Gretl exclaimed happily.

Disbelief wasn't the right word to describe what the Captain was feeling. Was he dreaming or just seeing a ghost? Seeing his children all gathered at one spot had immediately drawn his attention to the spot upon entering and then, among all the kids, the most beautiful and very familiar sight greeted him. That he was wide awake was clearly proven by Elizabeth's voice registering on his mind a moment later while the ghost theory was quickly dismissed by the fact that he wasn't the only one seeing _her_.

"Oh Georg, I've never seen your children so excited. A family friend?" Elizabeth asked and immediately moved to greet whoever the woman was.

"She's… my wife." Georg declared in his answer and Elizabeth stopped dead in her tracks.

**To Be Continued…**

**A/N: **Cliffhanger, I know. I promise I'll try to be quick with the new chapter. As for a small note… the story is titled 'Back to you' for multiple reasons and a deeper meaning will start in the next installment. Thanks for reading!


	8. Impossible

**Disclaimer: I own nothing. The Sound of Music and its characters belong to their respective owners.**

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Maria's head was spinning and her initial refusal to believe there was any truth to the children's claim began to fade and disbelief regarding the possible truth value began taking over. Was this true? Was this really happening to her right now? The man standing by the opposite entrance of the lounge had nearly taken her breath away. He was tall, handsome but… she couldn't help noticing the hard edge and stern expression on his face. Yet those stern features of the striking stranger softened within a second and he stared at her as if he knew her. He certainly wasn't the first. But it was his words that brought a forceful wave of reality.

"_She's… my wife_."

The situation felt surreal. She felt so utterly unprepared for this. Throughout her search for her identity, she had set up meetings and had been told about visitors who came to possibly identify her. Many people had seen her in the hospital, and all those visits turned out to be false alarms. The difference was, she had always been prepared and braced herself. That wasn't the case now. Ten minutes ago she had arrived to this lodge in hopes of spending three weeks here with Ben and her son and now she was facing seven children and a complete stranger, claiming she was their mother and his wife. It began to feel like a dream and she wished she would wake up from it. All this would lead to was disappointment for sure, she didn't want to get her hopes up and awake to the cruel truth again that she was merely a foreigner without a past.

Yet a grown man surely couldn't be mistaken like children could be, right? Then again, she knew even that was unlikely. These didn't seem like seven delusional children. On the contrary, they seemed confident and quite sure in their claim. She inhaled deeply and tried to stand as straight as possible – almost as if she was standing to attention. What if this was a scam? What if they had figured she was a woman without a past and now tried to get something out of her? She was rather well known in New York after all. In her surprise and discomfort, Maria couldn't quite put the pieces together just yet and she didn't realize that this was the von Trapp family who clearly did not need money.

Georg wasn't sure if he should felt anger or relief. Maria was a sight his eyes always welcomed… a sight he had longed to see again, yet now that she was standing in front of him in flesh and blood, he was torn. He didn't remember the last time he had felt such joy and relief. Yet the years of grief and pain he had gone through reminded him of fate's cruel ways. Why did he need to go through them? But all those complicated thoughts were quickly pushed aside as he stared at his wife. She seemed so… different yet the same. What he immediately noticed was her hair. Although her initial appearance was almost the same, he realized she wasn't sporting a tomboyish short cut anymore but wore a tight bum and her considerably longer hair was carefully and stylishly covering the right side of her forehead. Yet her beautiful neck was still exposed. He finally found the strength to move and he slowly walked closer, scrutinizing her with utterly focused eyes.

Her clothes were unlike the ones he had ever seen her in. They clung to her body in an elegant manner, the seemingly soft material emphasized her curves and shape perfectly. Her skirt was long and the bottom of it brushed the floor. There was no sign of the mountain girl or the postulant in those awful clothes he had first gotten to know. No, the woman standing there was the perfect lady. Make up. She wore make up, he noted in surprise. She had never before looked so much like a part of the higher class. She was gorgeous for sure but this was unfamiliar to him. His breath had caught in his throat as he took in every part of her. She was stunning but for Georg, she had always been. Maria had modified her style a bit soon after they became engaged. She was still true to herself and although Georg never asked, he was filled with even more love when she so obviously wanted to seem like a part of his world. She had done so much for him already, yet there didn't seem to be an end to her giving and loving nature. Even if Georg himself had the taste of an aristocrat which initially led him to Elsa, his love for Maria had seen through all that and he had found her beautiful even without expensive clothes. He would be just as happy if she showed up in the very same dress he had first seen her in.

"Father, Mother doesn't remember us." Marta's voice broke the silence but it didn't seem to register in the Captain's mind.

"Maria?" He addressed her, finally gazing into her beautiful blue eyes. Yet what he saw was nothing he had ever anticipated. It wasn't just surprise that was clearly written across her features but confusion, too. He had learned to read her enough to realize she wasn't looking at him with the joy of the reunion or accusation and hurt for having been left behind. She wasn't looking at him like he knew him at all.

She had taken a step back when he approached the group and the expression on her face was the only thing holding Georg back from wrapping her in his arms and swearing never ever to let her go again. And if all this hadn't been enough for shock value, a little boy nearly colliding with Maria grabbed her skirt and when she looked down at him, he raised his arms, clearly wanting her to pick him up.

Felix appearing out of nowhere didn't even register on Maria's mind at first and only when he was getting impatient with the lack of attention did she tear her gaze away from the stranger who had approached and called her his wife. Bending down and looking into her son's face while picking him up, Maria suddenly felt as if the air had been knocked out of her. Her attention had turned from the man to her own son… and it was eerie how alike the two looked. That she wasn't dreaming and that these people were obviously convinced of what they were claiming suddenly felt more real than ever. So did the possibility that she had just met her past. Could this be happening to her?

"Sorry, he got away from me when he saw you." Ben's voice broke the tense silence that had settled in the room. 10 pairs of eyes turned to him as he came up behind Maria and he put his arm around her waist. He smiled warmly at everyone in the room but he got none in response. Even Maria looked tense as she clutched Felix to her body. He wasn't quite sure why he was receiving such a stern look from the only other grown man in the room either or what he had walked into for that matter.

"It's fine." Maria responded to Ben absent mindedly, finally finding her voice.

Georg's eyes narrowed the moment he saw the stranger wrap an arm around his wife. He had been through many things during his lifetime, including war, but this was the weirdest and most upsetting experience he had ever had. What on earth was happening? Was this really a dream after all? Was he mistaken, was this woman not Maria? Such resemblance was impossible. Maria never spoke of a twin and he certainly couldn't believe that this wasn't her. The way she stood, the way her eyes widened in her surprise… every single detail in her expression and stance was exactly like Maria's. No, this was her. But what on earth was happening?

"Hello." Ben greeted everyone in the room and the Captain held his head high when the man approached him. "I'm Benjamin Reinard. Call me Ben." He extended his hand.

"Captain von Trapp." He told him coldly. "You may call me Captain."

"Oh." Ben exclaimed, mentally noting he wasn't necessarily the warmest lodge owner he had ever met. He certainly had heard of him though and Ben realized he was facing an ex navy captain after all. Having both his own father and older brother serving in the US Army, he certainly wasn't surprised about the seriousness of the Captain.

"It's an honor, Captain." He told him and took a quick glance back at Maria who seemed even more confused than before. "I've heard about you." He addressed the Captain again.

"Have you?" Georg asked, his eyes taking in the sight of Maria and the child in her arms. Ben, getting the feeling that she was maybe distressed by the Captain's attitude, decided to return to her side and try to retreat to their own room as soon as possible. Something was amiss but he refused the urge to ask bluntly if something was up.

"We have heard about your Lodge before, Captain. Good recommendations." Ben complimented. "Seems like you have already met…" He motioned to Maria. You may have heard of this remarkable lady yourself." Ben tried, he had been extremely proud of Maria and the success she had been having in New York. She deserved all the praise she received. "She's Maria…"

"Maria von Trapp." The Captain cut him off. He didn't need some stranger to introduce him his own wife. That had rendered Ben speechless, however. To say he was confused was an understatement.

"We know her already." Gretl told Ben happily and he turned to the familiar little girl. "She's our Mother." His eyebrows shot up in surprise.

"But she doesn't remember us." Marta was the next one to speak, the sadness in her voice evident to everyone in the room. This was the first time that the Captain had acknowledged his children since his entrance. He frowned at Marta's words, what nonsense was she talking about? Yet the rest of the children left him no time to speak up.

"You really don't remember, Fraulein Maria… I mean Mother?" Brigitta addressed a way too silent Maria.

"You must remember!" Kurt pleaded and then all hell broke lose.

"You were our governess!" Louisa stated.

"You taught us to sing!" Friedrich piped in.

"You taught us to climb a tree!" Soon countless statements were made and memories were told after one another and it became hard to make out anything in the loud noise the children were making once again. This was way too much and way too soon for Maria. Ben finally caught on to what was happening, these children obviously knew Maria. He had spent the last two and a half years by her side and he knew this was all turning out to be too overwhelming for her.

"Enough!" It was the Captain's loud voice that ultimately silenced everyone in the room. Even Elizabeth who had been nearly invisible during the entire exchange had been startled… and took that as her cue to leave.

She cleared her throat. "Ah, Georg. It's time for me to return home, I've got a couple of things to take care of." The attention was finally on Elizabeth Knightly yet the Captain gave very little sign of acknowledging her. A quick look and a nod was what she received and after saying her good byes to everyone, she hurried out. This afternoon was explosive… and downright shocking for her. But she had taken a thorough look at the woman the Captain had called his wife and had concluded he apparently had the taste for beautiful women. Elizabeth was utterly confused, however. She thought he was a widow. She had every intention to get to the bottom of this but this wasn't the time.

In the lounge, Louisa had given Liesl a satisfied smirk when Elizabeth had announced her departure. The children never liked the woman. While initially she had reminded them of Baroness Schroeder, they had learned to dislike Elizabeth even more. Baroness Schroeder had been a sophisticated, well cared for high society woman who wasn't good with children but one who acknowledged them. Elizabeth had very little understanding of family values when it came to children. And now that their mother was back, hopefully Elizabeth Knightly would take that as her cue to disappear once and for all. It had taken the children great restraint not to play pranks on Miss Knightly. It was their father's profound sadness and edginess that had held them back. They didn't want to give him any more grief.

Ben had taken the time to observe Maria who very much seemed apprehensive. He had a hard time believing what he had just heard so he couldn't even begin to imagine how she felt. He only knew she probably needed to take this step by step. He was feeling upset himself, too. They had concluded at one point that her family must have perished in the same accident she was in. This certainly was a shocking coincidence.

"Who is he, Fraulein Maria?" Brigitta, ever the observant one, broke the silence as soon as Elizabeth was out the door. "Are you his governess?"

The question surprised Maria but the moment she turned to her fidgety son in her arms, the first genuine and somewhat relaxed smile appeared on her face. "No. He's my son, Felix." That, again, was surprising enough to render everyone speechless. The children looked uncertainly at each other but once more it was Brigitta who stated the obvious.

"He looks just like Father." The moment the girl spoke those words, seven pair of eyes turned to the Captain while Ben, with realization, was looking between him and Felix. The moment the resemblance became undeniable, he knew this wouldn't be the kind of getaway he had initially planned.

"It's his meal time." Maria spoke up out of a sudden, her voice much stronger than before. The attention on Felix awoke her senses and finally brought her back to reality. She wasn't dreaming, she was very much awake and it was time for his son to eat. He was growing more and more fidgety and Maria was having a difficult time keeping his little hands off her hair. It also provided the perfect escape she badly needed. "I'll… ah… if you'll excuse me I need to feed him."

Her eyes briefly locked on the man apparently called Captain von Trapp but when Ben moved, she looked away. "No I'll… I'll do it alone." She told him, hoping he would understand she needed time alone. Ben indeed understood and nodded in acknowledgment. With a very quick look at everyone in the room, Maria turned and walked out of the lounge.

As for the Captain, he had been following the events with close scrutiny. It was extremely difficult not to grab her, hug her and kiss her as much as he wanted to. But being an educated, smart man who also happened to master his observation skills during war, he knew something was terribly off. Maria looked extremely startled and lost. He needed an explanation.

The intimacy, trust and closeness he had shared with Maria before her death compelled the Captain to move and follow her. While she had been the one to show him the error of his ways, someone who always had a useful input and was by his side if he needed someone to confide in, the Captain had always been there to listen to whatever she wanted to share and whenever she needed comfort, too. And there had been many things she had to share about that wicked, miserable past of hers. Their love had been strong and so was their trust. Overwhelmed by his own emotions and the knowledge that he could always help his wife if she was upset, he instinctively moved to do the same just now too. Except he was stopped by Ben.

"Captain, could I have a word with you?" He asked, politely blocking his way. "It's about Maria." The look of disapproval he received was one Ben had never ever faced before. It wasn't just the age difference between them but the strong aura of authority that was definitely a force to beckon with.

The only reason why the Captain decided to delay his own reunion with Maria was his need to control his own emotions. Surprise, happiness, outrage, confusion… it all swirled around in his head. Yet Maria always knew how to handle him whenever he was being difficult or hard to understand. Then it hit him that she had just practically ran away from him.

"Children, go up to your rooms and continue reading there. We'll have a conversation as soon as I'm done." He told them. The order was clear and the tone of his voice left no chance for any kind of protests. The children, having their very own overwhelming confusion and sensing the tension in the air, shared looks before they complied and left.

"Forgive me for the question Captain but… are you absolutely sure Maria is your wife?" Ben asked as soon as they were gone.

"Very." Came the short answer, trying to suppress his own irritation. "I know my wife."

"Yes but, under the current circumstances I'm sure you understand that it's-"

"What circumstances?"

"Well, the accident." The Captain frowned and Ben went on. "Did she not tell you about the accident?"

No. Truth was, there was no time for Maria to speak at all, not while he had been in the room anyway. The children had left her no chance to speak, nor had she seemed in any shape to form a coherent thought.

Ben, seeing the look on the Captain's face, knew there were still lots of blanks to fill in. And that was an understatement. "Due to an accident more than two years ago, Maria suffered severe head injuries among others, and has lost her memories. It was a… difficult time for her to pull through and while physically she's more or less healthy now, unfortunately she still has no recollection of who she is."

If it first felt like a beautiful dream come true in which his wife returned from the dead, now it felt more like a nightmare. The concept of Maria being alive was a shock in itself but the possibility of her not having any idea who he… or the children were just sounded unimaginable and heart breaking.

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"Felix, please!" Maria tried pleading with the boy who was much more interested in playing with the food rather than eating it. She pulled the spoon back the moment he tried grabbing it yet again. She was quickly losing patience with her child and let out a frustrated sigh. It wasn't Felix' fault that life decided to drop a huge one on her. As shocking as it had been earlier to face the complete unexpected and as much as she needed time away from everyone to collect her thoughts, all those questions and anxiety she had buried so long ago broke freely to the surface now.

She wanted to know. She wanted to know everything these people could tell her. That was what she had always wanted. Yet it felt so completely different than how she always imagined it. More than two years had passed since her accident and although disappointed, she had begun to build herself a new life. Wasn't this too late now? Just a look at her son's face answered that question clearly. He needed to know about his heritage. Suddenly the thought that she had just met her son's father… and that she had practically ran away hung heavily in the air. Yes, there was no question about it, she needed to know. By the time she had finished the extremely difficult task of feeding Felix, she was certain she didn't want to wait any longer. This was her chance to fully understand who she was, a chance to stop feeling like a mystery. Because that was what she had been… a mystery, even to herself.

After she had cleaned him up, Maria set Felix down on the floor right beside herself and she opened one of the suitcases that the butler had carried up to their room. Going through her own, she tried to find her box that held many of her precious belongings. "Hah!" She exclaimed satisfied when she had found it. Pulling it out, she sat back on her heels and put it in her lap. She carefully opened it and rummaged through until she found the item she was looking for. The wedding ring had been one of her most precious possessions, her ultimate proof that she used to belong to someone. The symbol of her mysterious past. Yet as she had slowly grown desperate and sad that the ring was the only thing she had from her old life, she had tucked it carefully away in this box, safe guarding it as a part of her past that was so out of reach. And now… now she had a face to connect to it. That the face triggered no memories was something she tried not to worry with just yet.

With a heavy sigh, Maria's gaze turned to her son, the fact that they were so close to discovering who they were made her feel both happy and scared. That was until she realized what Felix was doing. Her eyes went wide and she laughed heartily while reaching for the toddler, who got himself all entangled in one of her blouses.

"Oh, my..." She smiled and pulled it off him. "You definitely got my clumsiness." She pulled him close to press a quick kiss on his cheek before setting him back down.

Ben chose this moment to enter, the expression on his face indicated he had similar thoughts to what she had: this wasn't going to be the getaway he had wanted to take her on. Grasping the ring in her palm, she shut the box and rose to her feet. She knew what he was going to ask and spoke up before he could have.

"Ben, can you watch Felix?"

"Sure, dear." He stopped in front of her and rubbed her arm gently with one hand. "Are you alright? This… is all-"

"I'm fine." She told him. "I… I was so rude, I just ran away."

"Maria..." He tried to telling her otherwise but she had made up her mind and did not intend to listen to him at the moment.

"I need to talk to the Captain." She told him and immediately moved. He grabbed her arm gently to stop her.

"Maria, take it easy. Maybe you should wait-".

"I'll be fine." She gave him a smile. "Watch Felix please?" Ben sighed and nodded, knowing there was no use protesting if she had made up her mind. He watched her leave and wondered just how much this turn of events would change their lives.

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Maria bit her lower lip and took a deep, calming breath. Returning to the lounge proved unsuccessful, she hadn't found any of the people there anymore. So after inquiring by the receptionist, she was told that Captain von Trapp was most likely in his study. He had kindly given her instructions as to where it was located and that was where she was heading. Upon arriving to her destination, she collected all her strength and gently knocked.

No answer.

Looking around she noticed there was nobody in sight in the hallway where she was standing. She knew the logical and proper thing to do would have been to leave and come back later, but that wasn't necessarily an appealing idea to her. After another, louder knock which again resulted in no response, she let her curiosity win over. Pushing the door open, she poked her head inside with a curious "Hello?" It was no surprise that the room was empty.

Her eyes immediately began scanning the spacious room and she walked further inside. The study definitely spoke of good taste. Lots of books everywhere in careful order, beautiful and fitting pictures on the walls and the entire room had its very own charisma. The desk was large and demanded immediate attention – and Maria's it definitely had. Carefully she approached it, her mind reeling all along, trying to get a feel of the man that apparently owned and regularly occupied this room. The father of her child. The door being shut behind her startled Maria and she jumped before spinning around - caught in the act.

The Captain was still in the middle of his emotional turmoil. Ben had told him everything – well, he had told him the basics. That accident where Max was gravely injured apparently did not kill Maria. To say his own grief intensified was an understatement. He should have insisted more, he should have gone back and fetch her himself on that fateful night. So lost was he in his thoughts that he didn't actually notice Maria until after he stepped through the door of his own study. Boy, was she a sight to behold. He didn't remember leaving the door open – in fact, he never did. Unlocked maybe for the maids to clean it but not open. That she was sneaking around in there wasn't particularly unfamiliar however.

The startled look on her face, despite the different clothes, different house and different country, was precisely the very same she gave him when he had caught her in the ballroom on her very first day. Instead of annoyance, this time he was delighted. Yet that hardly showed on his face. It was quite hard to accept that Maria had no memories of him. That she had been severely injured was obvious and so was the fact that she had been rather overwhelmed upon their… reunion. The last thing Georg wanted was to scare her. That caution as well as his own confusion as to how he should handle this situation was what kept the joy off his face. To strangers it could have seemed like a stern expression. He forgot the woman he was facing couldn't read him anymore.

But _her_ expression was easy to read. She quickly stepped away from the desk and he raised a hand to stop her. "It's alright." He told her from his spot.

Maria stopped but gave no verbal response. It was unbelievable that she had finally found her past. Her eyes scrutinized the face she badly tried to remember but not surprisingly, she couldn't. She had often dreamt of this moment, imagined how a reunion with her family would go. Yet he was beyond her expectations. Maria had had an idea of some main features given how different her son's appearance was from hers but she had to admit reality was a lot different than her imagination. In fact, he was completely different from the image she had in mind of the lodge owner who happened to be an ex- naval hero.

"Why do you stare at me that way?" Georg asked confused, the look on her face puzzled him. Was she maybe remembering him?

"Well, you don't look at all like a Sea Captain."

**To Be Continued…**

**A/N**: Thanks to everyone who left me feedback! I know it's not the best part to stop yet again but the story should continue soon. :)


	9. Introduction

**Disclaimer: I own nothing. The Sound of Music and its characters belong to their respective owners.**

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"Why do you stare at me that way?" Georg asked confused, the look on her face puzzled him. Was she maybe remembering him?

"Well, you don't look at all like a Sea Captain."

_Oh dear_… he thought. _Yes, you've told me that before, darling._ Despite his protectiveness of her well being, it took him great restraint to keep the distance between them. The very woman he had been longing to get back was now standing in front of him… and he couldn't touch. Life was cruel. For a moment he considered asking for permission to touch her and make sure she was as real as she seemed but dismissed the idea. Judging by her initial reaction, it wouldn't go over too well. The last thing he wanted of her was to get away from him again.

"You look… different." He responded.

Her eyebrows rose in surprise and he watched as she quickly glanced down at herself, self-consciously but half-heartedly smoothing her skirt before her gaze returned to his.

"I'm keeping up with fashion… but I can make my own clothes." She told him and while the pride was evident in her voice yet again, there was a different feel to it now. This time it rang out as an attempt to declare her independence. It was also quite unusual to hear about his wife following fashion although she had never lacked good taste… only the money. While as a postulant she was not supposed be vain anyway, he had observed her with great curiosity ever since their confession of love to each other. Starting from the moment they became engaged and it became clear she wasn't going to be a nun, Maria did her best within her own ability and comfort zone to look as sophisticated as possible. She had been on her way to become a Baroness, after all.

Maria was feeling unease and comfort at the same time, it was an unusual combination. Not that she wasn't used to unusual and complex, it had been the story of her life. She felt some sort of awkwardness facing a stranger who happened to be Felix' father – a stranger who shouldn't have been one, yet she found great comfort in knowing all the missing pieces were to fall into their place soon enough.

"I know, darling." The Captain finally smiled at her but it quickly disappeared in his dismay upon noticing the first sign of discomfort on her face. Although his heart fell, he couldn't resist a step closer. "Do you… remember anything?" _Do you remember me?_

She shook her head. "No." The sadness in her voice wasn't lost on him. "I'm sorry." The look of disappointment on his face compelled her to apologize. "Captain, would you… would you mind telling me about me?" It was the strangest request Maria had ever made and she felt compelled to explain. "I've been looking for my past for so long, I need to know." That need in her voice made her request sound like a plea.

The Captain hated the feeling of unfamiliarity. He longed to hold her but evidently, he was a complete stranger to her. If her alleged death hadn't been like a nightmare enough, then this definitely finished the job. Unfortunately, during his years of grieving two wives, he had become a master of guarding his broken heart and trying to shut out the pain. His face hardened when in reality all he wanted was to kiss her and tell her how very much he had loved and missed her. His navy past also greatly contributed to his handling of a crisis. This wasn't necessarily one, but he had to deal with the situation as best as he could, it was in his nature. Maria's return while she had absolutely no recollection of him did definitely feel like a blow that required all of his survival skills.

"Of course." He told her after a long pause, realizing she was anxiously waiting for his response. He averted his gaze for the first time, trying to collect his thoughts and hide the overwhelming emotions he fought so hard. Self restraint had never been so difficult. There was a very strong need running through his entire body to reach out and hold her. Being a stranger to her was bad enough, he didn't want to make her uncomfortable, too. So as he began pacing slowly, a part of his focus was on restraining himself.

Where to start? "You are Baroness Maria von Trapp from Salzburg, Austria." He began in a confident tone before adding: "My second wife. The first, Agathe who was the children's mother, had died many years before you and I uh… met."

_Oh…_ she thought. So that meant the children weren't hers. Well, not biologically. The rest immediately puzzled her though. Ben had told her that the von Trapps came from Austria, so that much she had known already. But… she had been found in Switzerland.

"I needed help with the children for the summer so I asked the Mother Abbess at Nonnberg Abbey for help." The Captain went on. "She sent me one of her postulants. You."

He wasn't expecting the scoff that he received in response to that last piece of information. His eyebrows rose in confusion and surprise. "I'm sorry. Go on please." Maria told him and he looked at her suspiciously. Her reaction to that was unusual. Nevertheless, he went on.

"You were the twelfth in a long line of governesses to look after the children, one of which stayed only two hours." He reminisced about the events that brought her to him. His point was to soon explain how easily she had found her way into all of their hearts, yet her reaction was startlingly distracting and… familiar.

"What's wrong with the children?"

_His_ reaction had a different edge to it this time. "There's nothing wrong with the children. Anymore." That much he knew now. The only thing the children were responsible for were the awful pranks. Everything else was his fault, in fact even the pranks were triggered by him. Maria had been the one to open his eyes.

"Oh." Was her response just like it had been back then and the memories it brought intensified his longing.

"You brought happiness and music back to our house. The children grew very fond of you and… so did I. I fell in love with you and to my delight you felt the same." Well, that was it in a nutshell. He only emitted the juicy details because he wasn't sure how prepared she was for all this. Instead of approaching her like he really wanted to, the Captain walked around his desk and opened a drawer. "We got married with the children's blessing." He pulled out several papers and went through them until he found what he was looking for.

Maria's eyes followed him with great curiosity and she watched as he finally approached her, handing her a photo. Her free hand went to her mouth and her fingertips covered her lips as she stared at it. It was their wedding photo. She studied it with great intensity. If the Captain's words hadn't been enough to convince her he really was talking about _her_, then this was the ultimate proof. The smile on her own face was one that she had never seen staring back at her from the mirror. The Captain's stance was very… him. Maria didn't have a thorough idea of what he was like yet, but his expression seemed true to what she had seen so far. There was pride on his face as he held her by the waist in his stunning gear. Her hand rested on his chest and he seemed every bit of the man he was. Was he proud of her or was it the natural pride of an aristocrat reflecting on his face?

The Captain also studied the photo in her hand briefly. It had been somewhat of a solace in the past two years, looking at it whenever that aching need to see her beautiful face again got too much to bear. Of course looking at the picture brought pain, too, but at least he got to see her. He had often scrutinized every detail of it, although he remembered every single moment of that day and that photo shoot. He remembered the overwhelming pride he was feeling to have her on his side. He was proudly showing off his new wife and that definitely showed on the picture. That wasn't the only photo they initially had but was the only one he could save. There wasn't much time to pack in their hasty decision to leave. Maria had packed a great amount before Zeller took her and the Captain had very little time left to finish.

His gaze soon left the photo and he took advantage of their proximity. Whether she didn't mind or just simply didn't notice that he had stepped into her personal space, he wasn't sure, but he tried to make the best of this opportunity. He could smell her sweet scent. She wore different perfume now but his nose could still pick up what was essentially her. He felt the long suppressed desire stir within him and he willed himself to calm. He studied her face, the features he grew to love so much reflected wonder now. That wasn't an unusual sight but when it came to the subject matter, it did definitely sting. She was as beautiful as ever and he realized the make up didn't alter her appeal but simply strengthened it. His eyes traveled to her lips and he unconsciously licked his own. He longed to kiss her. His gaze traveled further down but stopped abruptly at her jaw when he spotted something. It was thin and hard to make out at first until he realized what it was. Her make up covered it well but such proximity allowed him to see the remains of a scar running along her jaw.

It was what reminded him of the accident and that there were still enough left to tell and explain to her. A new wave of guilt came over him, he felt he should have gone back for her. His scrutiny of the bruise did not go unnoticed however. She must have felt his eyes on her because her head suddenly snapped up and she stepped away. Her hand flew up to her jaw and ran her hand over it in an attempt to cover it. He was a little puzzled at first by her reaction, she had had plenty of smaller bruises and scrapes from all the things she had been playing with the children. But then it hit him that the accident was not such a small thing. In fact, it was as much of a life altering event for her as it was for them.

His heart had sank when he had been told about the extent of her injures. The knowledge that he hadn't been there for her and she was all alone in the world while at death's door was as painful as his grief had been. She was such a wonderful person, how could all this happen to her? Again, he blamed himself.

"Do I have any other relatives? Parents, siblings?" She asked to try to break the awkward silence and to distract him from what he had undoubtedly seen.

"No." He shook his head. "You were an only child and your parents have died." The rest he did not want to tell. It took Maria a while to talk about that wicked and miserable past. He had been amazed how much strength and happiness she still managed to awoke and feel herself after such an abusive and unhappy childhood. So if there was one good thing in her loss of memories then it was not remembering those unhappy early years. Georg made a decision he felt was best for her: he would not tell her.

"What happened to me?" She finally asked one of the questions that had been the most pressing ones on her mind. While there were still a million other ones she wanted to ask, this particular information had been one that had bugged her the most.

The Captain sighed as he began explaining what exactly had gone down. He told her about the conditions that had awaited them upon their return from their honeymoon, the commission he absolutely refused to take, the plan they had made to leave Austria that night. He told her about Zeller's interference… and everything else that he _thought_ went down. Now, talking about Max proved to be just as difficult. While his grief for his friend had been one of the many things occupying his troubled mind the past years, now he felt conflicted about him. For long he had felt bad for both doubting his friend yet not double checking on Maria when he had been told about her death. Since he found out she was alive, Georg's anger for Max returned, just like that night. It had taken him more than a year to forgive Max, it had taken him more than a year to accept Max wasn't at fault. Right now he couldn't grasp just how on earth did his friend think that she was dead. But in the end, Georg knew who it all came down to. Max couldn't do what should have been Georg's job: saving Maria. It was true that circumstances and lack of time compelled them to make a decision they had thought best at the time. Now, more than two years later it evidently was not the right choice. Ironically, it was Max who paid the biggest price.

He saw the frown on Maria's face after she had absorbed all the information. "But… how did I end up in Switzerland?"

"Unfortunately, I don't know, darling. You had been declared dead in Austria." He knew, he had inquired about it. Upon setting foot on safe soil, the Captain had gotten in touch with the most reliable source he knew: Mother Abbess. Unfortunately that didn't last long. Every communication was monitored and since he had been a fugitive, they kept a close eye on all his possible ties. He had known the risk he put the Abbey by contacting them and only managed to get in touch with the Mother only once. She had confirmed the tragic news: Maria had been found and declared dead in a car accident.

Now the Captain wondered if the nuns had anything to do with Maria's survival, although he didn't know how that was possible. They had been good at maintaining the abbey but their lives hardly included the outside world, at least not enough to carry out such a plan. That left him in the dark as much as it did Maria. The confusion on her face must have reflected his own but as soon as her gaze returned to the picture in her hand, it disappeared. That was when the Captain noticed the ring on her finger. That and Ben Reinard's presence alluded to what he hadn't asked and didn't even want to initially think about. Just what exactly was Ben Reinard to Maria?

Even with the still remaining mystery aside, Maria felt that this moment was somewhat gratifying. She had given up hope that she would ever find out who she was and now that was exactly what was happening. A part of her still found it hard to believe, while another felt amazed. She was a Baroness? Her wedding photo portrayed a woman she hardly recognized. She had her face and body but her expression alluded to certain feelings she had never felt – or apparently, couldn't remember ever feeling. Her wedding dress looked beautiful but she couldn't help noticing how different it was from her current clothes. Although it emphasized her curves, it definitely did not reveal as much skin as she usually did. Was she such a different person back then? That reminded her of something the Captain had said. _A postulant_. If that was true, her old self would be horrified with her current self. Maria had lost faith in God, took no comfort in religion, was unmarried with a child… and had made love with her fiancé out of wedlock. That is what she THOUGHT had had been doing at least.

All of this brought her to one very important fact though: this man wasn't simply '_Felix's father_' as she had been referring to him. He was her husband, her spouse… the one she belonged to. Someone she had allegedly given her heart… and _evidently_ her body to. The deep red blush creeping onto her face felt hot and soon so did her entire body. This man knew what she looked like… naked. They had been _intimate_. While Maria may have not been following religion anymore, she did still have her very own principles. Everything he had told her about _her_ suggested there had to be love on her part to marry him and to conceive a child with him but she had absolutely no recollection of any of that. Hence, she didn't know him while he knew her in ways that made her utterly uncomfortable. She caught movement from the corner of her eyes and by the time she looked up, the Captain had moved back to his desk.

He had noticed practically nothing of her blush. The moment he spotted the ring on her finger, his eyes darkened and his mask immediately went up. He hadn't questioned Herr Reinard after he informed the Captain of Maria's situation, all that mattered to him was that his wife had returned. During his scrutiny of the man Georg had noticed his ring, exactly like the one he had just seen. That his wife was apparently wearing someone else's ring on her ring finger was like ripping out the heart he had just gotten back. It also strongly compelled him to prove that Maria was his. He opted to prove that in a subtle way. He once again began going through his papers and files and pulled out the ultimate proof: her papers proving her identity as well as their marriage documents. Although he knew it was an irrational feeling, he couldn't help feeling hurt. After so much grief and suffering, he was still capable of feeling like this. It wasn't a surprise though that he felt cheated. His _wife_ was wearing someone else's ring. His _wife_ most probably kissed another man. The rest he didn't even want to think about or else he would lose his mind. He knew Maria remembered nothing of him or the children but _he_ remembered every moment of their life together… and the one without her. If that wasn't enough, his pride as an aristocrat, an ex-naval hero and most of all a _man_ was affected, too.

Maria noted that the strict expression was back on his face and oddly, it helped her a little. His proximity and terms of endearment suggested his familiarity with her that wasn't mutual and hence made her uncomfortable. That he was an utterly handsome man did not leave her unaffected at all but everything was just so new and confusing to her. She took the papers from him and began reading… about herself. Unfortunately gratification was not what she was feeling anymore. The more she learned the more of a stranger she felt to herself. She had always thought finding her past would bring her peace, yet none of this triggered any memories. That, sadly, made _her_ seem nothing more than any other woman she was reading about. It was only the children and the Captain that felt real in connection to this person. They were as real as it could get.

Tearing her eyes from the papers, she opened her palm that had been clutching her old wedding ring all along. So here it was, the connection. The Captain's eyes went wide at the sight and he watched her with great intensity. She still had the ring.

While Maria had kept her deepest feelings from everyone, including Ben, and she became considerably more guarded than she had been before her accident, her honesty had always remained intact. She may have not shared everything but she never lied. At the moment her honesty came as freely as it always had. "I… I need time to comprehend all this, Captain."

While a part of him wanted to tell her to stop calling her Captain, he was feeling too worked up to do that at the moment. That damn pride of his was a cruel companion to the hurt he had been feeling and his anger was misguided. Maria wasn't at fault, deep down he knew that. Yet the fact that she had her old wedding ring clearly had to mean she had already been married. And yet she gave herself to another man? Did she give up on him so easily? Did she give up on the marriage she had just like that? He had been mourning her with every fiber in his being while she was happy with someone else? That he wasn't thinking rationally anymore he didn't realize just yet. He felt cheated and robbed. Of course there was also the matter of his son who, apparently, had been raised by another man.

He nodded to her in response. He himself needed some thinking to do, too. But not before…

"Your return was a great surprise for everyone and the children are understandably very anxious to see you. If you think you could see them again before their bedtime, I'd be grateful. I'd also love to see my son if it's not too much to ask, Fraulein." He obviously was polite and all of it was a request instead of a demand but his hard demeanor was back.

"Of course." Her worries and confusion was forgotten when it came to the children. Those poor dears seemed so excited to see her and while she knew she needed a little time to come to terms with all of this, she realized it had to be a lot more confusing and upsetting for the children. While Maria was protective of her son like any good mother would be, she had no objection to the Captain seeing Felix either. Ben had been a wonderful presence in Felix' life but the Captain was his father.

"We can go see them right now if you wish."

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"So… does this mean he's our brother?" Gretl asked her sisters and brothers, all of whom were gathered in their play room.

The lodge wasn't just for guests, that was where the von Trapps lived, too. They had a separate section of the large house upstairs where their living space was located at. Liesl, being the oldest, had her very own room now. Louisa shared one with Brigitta, Gretl with Marta and Friedrich with Kurt. They had a room that their father declared their very own play room but it was small and they much preferred the main lounge downstairs – something their father wasn't particularly happy about.

"Yes he is. " Louisa answered. There had been much debate ever since they were ordered to return upstairs. Aside from Gretl, practically all of the children had been in shock. That took away nothing from the delight that Maria was back however. Not all of them quite realized how it was possible that she simply didn't remember them. How could she forget about them?

Their father had joined them a while later and explained briefly that their Mother had survived the accident that everybody had thought took her life. She had hit her head and unfortunately lost her memories. It was Brigitta who had the easiest time to believe it. She had read enough novels that had alluded to similar situations. Gretl was the one who was the most confused but her happiness had overshadowed it all.

"She looks different." Kurt exclaimed.

"She looks wonderful." Liesl smiled. Being the oldest – and almost a woman who was very much into fashion – she couldn't help admiring what she had seen. She couldn't wait to ask and talk to their Mother about it.

"Well, of course she does." Kurt said. "But… different."

"It's the clothes." Louisa informed her brother.

"And the hair." Brigitta said.

"Her smile's the same." Marta chimed in, too, and the nods she received in response meant they all agreed.

The moment the door opened, seven heads snapped to that direction and they all stood when their father stepped in. Questions they still had a lot and seeing their father meant possible answers. He raised his hand to stop them at once before they could overwhelm him with questions and stepped aside to let Maria in. Their faces lit up at her sight yet they were hesitant, too. Some of them exchanged glances, while some stood with curiosity written all over their faces. It was Gretl, who yet again was unaffected by it all. The little girl was utterly happy. She ran to Maria again to hug her and was delighted when she felt her Mother's arms returning the gesture.

"Let me introduce you to the children." The Captain told Maria before turning back to them.

His words and his expectant look created confusion at first but it was Liesl who realized what their father's intention was. If their Mother couldn't remember, it was only logical to reintroduce themselves. While the Captain wasn't as strict and… naval like he had been after their birth mother's death, he did return to maintain order and some kind of discipline. There was no whistle anymore but he liked his children to have their manners whenever he introduced them to someone. So Liesl nudged Friedrich who in turn nudge Louisa and soon the von Trapp children were all lined up in front of Maria, much like they had when she first met them in Salzburg.

Granted there was no shock on Maria's face this time, she did raise an eyebrow at the unusual sight. Then the children all stepped forward one by one and introduced themselves. Liesl, Friedrich, Louisa, Kurt, Brigitta, Marta and Gretl. Maria tried her best to memorize them all and had to smile at little Gretl's enthusiasm. They also told her how old they were and it wasn't lost on Maria what that meant. These children had lost two mothers already. It was apparent from everything she had learned so far that she had been their new mother before… before the accident.

The children apparently had many things to tell her and she listened as best as she could, yet the moment they began asking questions she couldn't quite find the right answers for, the Captain came to her aid. He told them it was about time they went down for dinner and that he would not dine with them tonight. Obeying their father's orders, they all said their good byes to Maria before heading down. Even if she didn't know conditions were much worse when she had first met the family, it was now easy to tell that their father had indeed been a sea captain.

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Ben was in the middle of trying to calm a very upset Felix -- unsuccessfully. The toy ship they had been playing with somehow snapped and while it didn't break, a part of it came off. Felix wasn't happy to say the least while Ben was absolutely clueless where that part belonged. That was when Maria entered their room. While Maria initially had no objection to the Captain seeing Felix, after the encounter with the children she wondered how this meeting would go because Felix wasn't used to such demeanor. Ben's face lit up when she entered and he rose to his feet. His intention to lean in and kiss Maria was dismissed the second he caught glimpse of Captain von Trapp following.

The Captain was dismayed to learn that yes, his wife was indeed sharing a room with another man. While he wished he could order this man to get away from her at once, reality that Maria apparently had more emotional ties to Herr Reinard than to the Captain reminded him why it would be a bad idea. He was everything but happy about it though.

"Captain von Trapp came to see Felix." She told Ben upon his questioning look. He nodded in understanding, even if it felt somewhat awkward. The look the Captain gave him was anything but understanding however. He looked at Ben expectantly and there was no sign of friendliness in his eyes. The man looked distant and while Ben would have preferred to stay, he had enough respect for Maria to honor her and her son's time alone with his father.

"The ship broke, he has been upset about it." He addressed Maria and gently rubbed her arm as he passed her by.

The Captain's jaw tightened but he remained silent. As soon as Ben left, the Captain turned back to Felix. The toddler was upset indeed and Maria moved to kneel down in front of him to run a gentle hand over his head.

"Momma?" He asked, teary eyed and held out the two pieces of the ship that he was gripping in his hands. If it had been any other toy, he would have just moved on to another. But not with this one. Felix loved ships, everything that had something to do with the sea… and now it suddenly hit her. The explanation was standing right beside her: his father used to be a sea captain.

Said captain was mesmerized, all of his hurt and pride was pushed aside when he looked at the boy. His eighth child and third son. His only child with Maria. He had received seven precious gifts from Agathe, the knowledge that Maria had given him one too was just simply fantastic. He had loved her without a child but to know their love came to life in this precious little boy was just heart warming. After Agathe's death, the Captain never thought he could be this happy again. Maria, yet again, proved that she had this innate ability to save him whenever he was in his most desperate moments.

"Here." He crouched down next to them and reached for Maria's hands. His fingers brushed her skin as she handed him the toy and the Captain had his finality at last. She _was_ real. She _was_ alive. Her hands were warm and soft and it took him great effort to pull away. Felix' eyes followed the toy and he watched his father agape while the adult easily fixed the ship.

Once done, he handed the toy back to Felix who seemed mesmerized. He stared at the Captain in awe, scrutinizing and observing him without moving. Georg smiled at his son whose eyes weren't on the ship but on him. The toddler was fixated on him, whether it was because he was a stranger or something else, he didn't know. "Go ahead, sailor." He joked and raised the ship in his hand a bit. The boy's gaze finally shifted to the toy and he eagerly grabbed it. He shrieked in delight and immediately turned to get lost in his own little world again. Felix was a very active little boy and a happy one, too. It always made Maria's heart melt when he smiled or laughed.

"God kept an eye on you two." Georg told her, knowing how much God's guidance and presence was important in his wife's life, even if he didn't necessarily have as much faith – especially in light of the latest developments.

"God had nothing to do with it." She stated to his biggest shock. "I'd credit my fiancé or myself much more with that task." It wasn't until she said it that Maria realized her carelessness. This man was her husband after all. That she had two identities now posed the kind of problem she hadn't given a thought just yet. There it was again, however guarded she had been, she just couldn't help her mouth going off in overwhelming moments.

Now he knew what her reaction had meant when he told her she used to be a postulant. While she looked like his wife on the outside, she behaved differently than his Maria. Yet when she met the children for a second time, her gentleness returned and he could have sworn she looked like she had never left. This day had been the weirdest of his entire life so far. While her proximity was both painful and delightful, he had been certain he still loved her. He had a son from her yet he didn't have her. He had gotten her back but she apparently wasn't his.

"I'm sorry." She told him. "I realize my past as a postulant should have me speak differently. Sadly my life hasn't given me many reasons to believe in God's guidance." Not what she could remember anyway.

While the Captain understood that all too well, it still felt like a cold shower coming from Maria's mouth. Was _his_ Maria really gone?

"I would be a liar if I said I didn't understand. But there were plenty of things that made you happy before…"

While the old Maria would have responded with an openness unlike anyone he had ever known, that wasn't what happened now. "It's getting late, Captain. We arrived here later than we had expected. It's time for Felix' bath soon and then his bedtime. I hope you don't mind."

This certainly wasn't the first time that she would run away from him. Even the old Maria had done that and the Captain knew he needed time to process all this, too. Retiring for the approaching night might be a good idea. That his wife was spending it with someone else awoke feelings he hadn't felt in a long time.

"Certainly." He nodded and stood with her. "There are still many things left to discuss, of course in your own time." His voice held the kind of strictness that usually hid his turmoil. "I hope that you _are_ planning to stay to sort this all out…"

"Of course." She told him, finally aware of the tension.

"Good night, Fraulein." With a last quick glance at his son, Captain von Trapp left the room. That he had called her _Fraulein_ did not ease any awkwardness this time. On the contrary, the edge to it sounded cold coming from a man who was supposed to be talk to his long lost wife. Then again, he was leaving her behind in a room she shared with another man. That this other man did not mean as much to her as their alleged relationship would suggest was something nobody but Maria knew. And boy did it make her feel guilty.

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"A postulant?" Ben asked with great surprise in his voice and then laughed. He couldn't imagine her as one. Maria had the kindness and gentleness for sure but her cynicism and lack of faith in God… not to mention having been physically intimate with him definitely made it hard to think of her as a postulant.

While she knew Ben didn't necessarily mean anything negative with that reaction, she couldn't help feeling annoyed. "Stop laughing. You'll wake Felix." She snapped at him, something she rarely… if not never, did.

"I'm sorry." Ben told her gently. "Come to bed?"

"I'm not sleepy yet. Go ahead, turn off the lights."

"Maria."

"Please, I need to think. Just sleep." With a sigh Ben gave in and after muttering silent good nights to each other, the room was covered in darkness.

Standing by the window in her nightgown, Maria observed the scenery as much as she could in the darkness of the night which was anything but peaceful. A thunderstorm had been making much noise and light for the past half an hour and she was happy Felix was sleeping as peacefully as he did. She knew the long journey had exhausted the little boy.

Yet risking waking Felix wasn't necessarily the reason why Ben's reaction angered her. As hard as it was for _her_ to comprehend all she had been told, it was her past they were talking about. It was serious matter and not a laughing one. If she had been conflicted about her feelings for Ben before they arrived, now she was completely lost. While she welcomed the hug and comforting words he had given her as soon as they were alone, it became clear to her she needed him much more as a friend than anything else at the moment.

She loved him but this all felt wrong. She was a married woman who was sharing her room and a bed with another man. It was true she couldn't remember a thing from her past or of her marriage for that matter, but now she was plagued by guilt. Did she give up searching too soon? Did she let her old family down? But she didn't even know them! The moment she thought would be so gratifying and wonderful did nothing to ease her helplessness. Nobody and nothing of the information from her past triggered any memories. Without an emotional connection, they were as much of a mystery and strangers as anybody else. So this reunion was nothing what she had dreamt about. The children were lovely and she could see they loved her, but even that made her feel lousy. How could one explain to the younger ones that their mother forgot them? It was hard enough for an adult to deal with that. And there was the Captain. Captain von Trapp. Her husband. He was the most gorgeous man she had ever seen yet he left her utterly puzzled. He seemed to have a strong aura around him and there were instances he came across so cold. Strength radiated off him and it was no doubt he demanded discipline from his children – she had witnessed it, too. Yet he let a gentler side of his show with Felix, in fact he had shown some of it towards her too, at one point. Was it just politeness on his part?

Maria didn't know for how long she had been standing by the window when she heard a soft knock. It was barely audible and although she moved her head, she stood still to listen carefully. Maybe it was just the storm outside. She dismissed that thought when she heard it again. Her eyes had already adjusted to the dark so when she glanced over at Ben, she saw he was sound asleep. Grabbing her robe from the end of the bed, she put it on and opened the door.

Outside stood a frightened looking seven year old with the most innocent eyes Maria had ever seen. "Gretl? Are you scared?" She asked the small girl who, in turn, hugged her.

"I'm sorry, Mother. I tried singing about my favorite things but it didn't help." She mumbled into Maria's nightgown. Maria's heart immediately softened. She glanced back into her room and after making sure both Ben and Felix were sound asleep, she silently closed the door.

"Let's take you back to bed and see what we can do about that, hm?" Maria asked Gretl and offered her a hand. The little girl gladly took it.

**To Be Continued…**

**A/N: **Writing this chapter took longer than I had expected but I guess that's understandable. Thank you for the feedback again!


	10. Alive

**Disclaimer: I own nothing. The Sound of Music and its characters belong to their respective owners.**

**A/N: **I'm sorry it took so long! I hope the chapter does make up for the long wait though.

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"Will you sing it for me?" Gretl asked Maria as the little girl settled back on her bed in the room that she shared with Marta.

"Sing you what?"

"About your favorite things." Marta exclaimed from the other bed, to Maria's great surprise.

Apparently Gretl wasn't the only one who couldn't sleep due to the storm. It was almost ironic how easily she could memorize the children's names yet she couldn't remember anything about them. To prove it all to herself, she began listing all of them in her head. Liesl, Louisa, Brigitta, Marta, Gretl, Friedrich… and… _what was the name of the other boy?_ She suddenly remembered the two little girls were awaiting her response.

"I ah… my favorite things?" She was confused.

"You used to sing it for us. It was your song that you made up when you were feeling unhappy." Marta explained.

_Unhappy?_Her life had certainly been filled with music, both on and off stage, yet this was intriguing.

"You really don't remember?" Gretl asked in a small voice and Maria's heart sunk.

"Why don't you girls sing it for me?" She offered just as another loud thunder interrupted the peace of the night. Yet neither of the girls seemed particularly bothered by it at this point and Maria realized they were far more preoccupied with _her_. Gretl's enthusiastic nod proved this idea which was further reaffirmed the moment Marta began singing.

"_Raindrops on roses and whiskers on kittens…_" Gretl joined in quickly and Maria listened intently. They were, after all, singing about _her _favorites. "_Bright copper kettles and warm woolen mittens. Brown paper packages tied up with strings, these are a few of my favorite things…"_

That the children were immensely enjoying themselves as they sang to her (and to each other) was obvious. Maria, on the other hand, was feeling that all too familiar despair because once again, memories failed to return.

"_Cream colored ponies and crisp apple streudels, doorbells and sleigh bells and schnitzel with noodles. Wild geese that fly with the moon on their wings, these are a few of my favorite things_." To her amazement, each and every word echoed the very thing she did truly love. The song was immensely appropriate because everything else that followed was indeed among her favorite things.

"_Girls in white dresses with blue satin sashes, snowflakes that stay on my nose and eyelashes. Silver white winters that melt into springs, these a few of my favorite things_."

If she had even the slightest doubt left that these people were indeed her family, it was all gone now. Children were the most honest creatures on earth and they apparently had the sort of knowledge about her that no stranger could possess. She doubted even Ben knew about most of these.

"_When the dog bites, when the bee stings, when I'm feeling sad. I simply remember my favorite things and then I don't feel so bad_." Marta and Gretl giggled madly as soon as they finished the song. That they could have sung this to themselves without her presence was a minor fact, Maria was perceptive enough to realize it was _her_ presence that had to make them feel better. That this all still trigger no memories didn't help the despair she was feeling. Yet a look at their faces warmed her heart. They both looked relaxed and content, not the least bit bothered by the storm raging outside anymore. In fact, they both seemed happy.

The joy that filled her heart upon this conclusion was almost brand new to her. While she loved Felix with all her heart and he had given her the happiest moments of her life, he was still so small with so little knowledge and grasp of the world. Yet this nine and seven year olds had their very own thinking, feelings and experience and for the very first time Maria felt she had truly made someone happy. She knew Ben had been ecstatic when she had accepted his proposal, but her own conflicted feelings and doubts overshadowed the joy of a future matrimony. Yet Gretl and Marta, with their childish innocence, were just happy that she was in their room. But would she let them down, too? She had been so unfair to Ben, thinking and hoping her feelings would sort themselves out. She hadn't been feeling whole without her past no matter how much she tried. So how could she be honest with him, love him and devote herself to him when she didn't even truly know herself? Yet the comfort, stability and support he had given her in these past two and a half years had been her rock and she had selfishly craved it.

"Do you remember now?" Gretl asked with hopeful eyes.

"I'm sorry, darling." She truly was. "I'm trying… I really am." How could she explain this to a little girl when she herself wasn't sure why she couldn't remember? What was wrong with her?

"Why can't you remember us, Mother?" She wasn't sure if it was because she _was_ one or because they were so endearing but being called Mother didn't make her feel uncomfortable now.

"I hit my head in an accident. The doctors told me it was bad." There was no surprise on their faces, Maria knew their father must have explained that part to them. She sighed before offering the only thing she could: honesty. "I do very much want to remember you."

"We'll help you!" Marta exclaimed, not a bit thrown off.

They were sweethearts, there was no doubt about that. The smile that spread across Maria's features lit up her face and she raised a hand to briefly caress the young girl's cheek, even if she wasn't really convinced she would ever remember. "You'll have to be patient with me." She told them for caution, not wanting to crush their hopes. They nodded eagerly. "But not tonight. You need sleep, it's very late now."

"Will you stay until we fall asleep?" Gretl asked while Marta returned to her own bed.

"Only if you _will_ try to fall asleep." Maria warned them and the girls complied without a word. Maria kissed them both goodnight before turning off the lights and getting herself settled at the end of Gretl's bed. Gently humming the song they have just introduced her to, she stayed until the girls were completely out.

Once she had made sure they were fast asleep, she carefully rose from the bed and tiptoed out the door as silently as possible. The moment she spun around to leave, she was met with an unexpected obstacle. She gasped as she bumped into something – or someone, to be precise.

"Captain." She stepped back in surprise, her hand flying to her chest in an unconscious reaction.

This time being addressed as Captain did bother him. Yet he resisted the urge to tell her to call him _Georg_ because she clearly wasn't as comfortable with him. His body reacted to the physical contact they had however brief it was and in an odd way, he finally had his ultimate proof; she was flesh and blood and not just a fragment of his imagination.

Yet it also reminded him how much he longed to take her in his arms and had to force his hands by his sides. The difficulty may have reflected on his face because she looked at him rather confused at first. But to make the situation all the more eerie, he watched as her face softened somewhat before greeting him with a familiar "Hello." He wasn't sure if she was glad to see him or it was the only thing that came to her mind.

Unbeknownst to him, it was the latter. Maria needed rest. After more than two years of living in oblivion and with the unsuccessful struggle to remember her past, it was presented to her out of the blue in a matter of a few hours. She felt overwhelmed and the constant look of recognition on the faces whom _she _didn't recognize did little to ease her discomfort with the situation.

Although seeing her was far from unwelcome, he hadn't expected to see her by the children's quarters. "Is something the matter?" He finally broke the silence, his brows furrowing. He wasn't sure what kind of a game life was playing with him but of course he did not fail to notice the irony in it all. First night of hers in his house had her in a late night run in – literally – with him, while she happened to be in her robe.

"No." She told him, pulling the robe tighter together. Then she remembered that being out in this particular attire so late into the night, not to mention at the private quarters of his family, required more explanation than that. "Well, not really." She added and he raised his eyebrows. "Gretl showed up at our doorstep, she and Marta had problems falling asleep."

"Yes, the children are afraid of the storm. That's precisely while I'm in the process of checking on them." He nodded knowingly but the mention of 'our doorstep' did not slip by his attention at all. In fact it was enough to make his features harden again in disapproval – disapproval he found hard not to voice. "I apologize, they won't disturb your again."

"Oh they didn't disturb me, Captain." Again, the _Captain_. It sounded so different on her lips now. Maria had occasionally addressed him so formally even after their engagement and then wedding but had had put a playful twist to it. Now she sounded every bit like a stranger and that was hard to bear after everything they had been through.

"They just needed a little comforting." She continued, the look on his face compelling her to defend the children.

"Their bedtime is to be strictly observed, they should have been long asleep by the time the storm intensified." Was his answer, that he sounded so much like the guarded, strict Captain just like when they had first met hardly registered on his mind. He coped as best as he could, his defence mechanism has reasserted his walls and that, just like it had puzzled her old self, puzzled her now too – even if she had no idea this has happened to her before.

That his words sounded like a scolding wasn't lost on Maria and while she had initially been confused and even uncomfortable by his terms of endearment and one sided familiarity with her, now it was even more unsettling that he appeared so cold to her. "But they're children." She reasoned.

Each time he felt like hugging her in joy just because she was alive, he remembered she was sharing a room with another man. That was the very reason why he was unable to soften. That she needed time to process everything that happened today he understood, but he needed some coping to do, too. "That they are."

"Well they _are_ asleep now." She stated. "But it's much too late now, I should be in bed, too. Good night, Captain."

He nodded." Good night." While every fibre in his being screamed for him to stop her, he couldn't find the right words or feelings he needed to deal with this situation. He needed sleep, he needed to rest and have a fresh start in the morning. There were a thousand thoughts swirling around in his head, none of them helping to ease the tension he was feeling. His eyes never left her retreating form until she disappeared at the end of the hallway.

Yet sleep didn't come easy for him that night. He didn't need to check on Gretl and Marta, even if Maria couldn't remember, he was sure she had taken care of them. With a last look to the direction where his wife had disappeared, the Captain returned to his own room where he would spend considerable time tossing and turning. He had been through many kind of emotions in his life, especially strong ones. Losing Agathe was excruciating and his grief made it much harder on the children, too. Despite having been through it, losing Maria did not feel any less devastating – on the contrary. She had returned to him in many of his dreams but he knew it was just his mind's attempt to escape the pain.

And now it was reality. He was no doctor so her condition was a mystery to him. He did know Maria enough that she would never just come up with something like this, so believing her and believing that she couldn't remember was not an issue, even if it was greatly upsetting. Her appearance had changed, too, and she clearly belonged to the higher class of society. She appeared to be leading the wealthy life he had always wanted to give her – except the singing part. This was something they had had differing opinions on but she had accepted his decision regarding the children. Given how protective he was of her too, however, he had never been fond of the idea of her singing in public either.

That she was beautiful was not even a question, yet running into her in front of Gretl and Marta's bedroom was what made this all feel very real. She had clearly been ready for bed because she did not wear make up anymore and the face that stared back at him was that of his wife's which he remembered. Yet his mind found it hard to comprehend all this.

It seemed like he had gotten her living-breathing body back but with a different person inside. He had never been happier when she had accepted his proposal and abandoned her plan to become a nun. Yet the idea of his wife not even believing in God was just the kind of wild turnaround he never would have imagined of her. That also brought him to his next worry. He had the papers to prove who she was and that they had been married, yet Maria had established a different life under a different identity. Papers aside, a weighing factor should have been that they had been married in front of God but what did that matter now to a woman who evidently wasn't following that path anymore. Just the idea of her sharing her room and bed with a man she wasn't married to would have scandalized her old self. While the latter part of this thought was reassuring, the fact that she was with another man had his blood boiling. While the insistent, passionate part of him wanted to simply drag her out of there, his sole reason for not doing so was his respect for her. She was comfortable with Herr Reinard, so he certainly couldn't just force her into bed with her husband whom she didn't even recognize.

So much had happened in a mere few hours that the Captain was torn between disbelief and anger. His mind needed to process everything that had taken place, yet the only thing he could think of was that Maria was alive and in his home. And of course there was their son. His third son, eighth child… and the first one with Maria. He obviously wasn't a first time father but it still touched him as deeply as each of his children's birth had. Felix was the fruit of their love and he was a wonderful one of that, too. That both of them had lived so long without the knowledge of his existence felt like a stab in the heart. He wasn't sure if life had given him another chance or simply decided to dangle what he couldn't have in front of his nose. After long hours of thinking and trying to make sense of it all, the Captain had come to the conclusion that the only approach he could have now was to think of Maria as a stranger, someone he needed to get to know all over again. He knew every curve of her body, the taste of her lips and skin, he hard learned to read the expressions on her face but he had no idea _who_ she was. Memories of the bliss of their honeymoon were the last thoughts on his mind as he finally drifted off to sleep.

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The early rays of sunshine fell softly on Maria's face. Her eyes slowly fluttered open and she took a deep breath, stretching a little as she turned to her back. She had spent the entire night on her side, turned away from Ben. As soon as the room came into view, she had remembered the reason, too. A glance at his face told her he was still deeply asleep so she carefully slid out of bed. She took a few steps to check on his son and from the looks of it, Felix was still completely out. Not wanting to wake him, she resisted the urge to kiss him and tiptoed to the window instead. Going back to sleep wasn't an appealing idea, she had hoped she would have a clearer head by the morning and while she felt rested, she was none the wiser as to how she should face the people she had met the day before. Her family.

Rubbing her temples, her fingertips brushed the remains of the gash that her hair carefully hid. Pressing her lips together in annoyance, she hated the constant reminder. Vanity wasn't the reason why she had let her hair grow. She had been fond of her own short do, so much so that while it was now long enough to hide her scar, she wore it in a tight bun to retain some of her old appearance. It became suitable as soon as she had found success on stage, having good, sophisticated looks while performing was apparently a rule and a great advantage. None of that really mattered to her, what was important to her, however, was that now people didn't ask her the question she hated to hear and avoid. "_Oh dear,_ w_hat happened to you?_" The scar, which had left its deep impression both emotionally and physically, felt like a mark. She felt marked as the woman who couldn't remember her past, hence feeling like an outsider. The more she could hide it, the more she could blend in without having to answer those bold and intruding questions.

Her gaze settled on the beautiful sight that their window presented. Already in the early morning the sky was so blue and everything was so green… so beckoning. She had longed for the mountains in the past years, she remembered her stay back in Switzerland and how comforting they had been to her in her state of distress. A glance at the clock showed there was still plenty of time before Felix was supposed to awaken and with Ben around, he was in safe hands. An idea hit her and the more she stared at the hills, the more intense it became. A mere fifteen minutes later she was dressed and out the door as quietly as possible.

The fresh air filled Maria's lungs as she walked and she breathed deeply. Everything was so fragrant, so alluring, she just wanted to be a part of it. She had followed the path leading out from the Lodge's garden straight to the mountains and since they were close, it was a short walk. Not being familiar with the area she didn't wander too far but the heights she reached made her feel home. She only stopped walking when she was in the middle of a small but beautiful meadow, surrounded by nothing but green grass, trees and the gorgeous blue sky. Turning back, she could see the Lodge lower in the distance and an odd sense of out-of-reach familiarity filled he heart.

It was strangely comforting. She felt the kind of privacy she had been longing for, just to clear her head and forget about her worries and the pressing despair of failing to remember her own life. She could feel the warm breeze caressing her cheek and playing with the soft material of her summer dress. This was so perfect. Unable to resist, she ran higher, enjoying the sound of the birds and the peace that seemed to cover everything. She stumbled and laughed, not caring the least if her clothes got dirty. This was so liberating, she felt so free.

"The hills are alive…" She shouted, feeling weightless and so care-free, just like a child. No lack of memories, no guilty conscience about Ben, no nerves about how to deal with her family plagued her at the moment. It was just Maria and the hills.

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The Captain was an early bird but the late night he had had due to his conflicting emotions had him sleep a little longer this morning. Turning to his side and rubbing his eyes, he was dismayed when he caught sight of the clock. It wasn't _terribly_ late but he was at least 40 minutes behind his own schedule. With a grumble, he threw the covers off and got ready for the day. It didn't take him long to remember everything that had happened the previous night and despite all anger and disapproval he was feeling, despite the conclusions he had come to, he couldn't deny he was eager to see Maria and Felix.

The staff was already up and about by the time he made it downstairs but when he had asked if _any_ of the guests had left their rooms yet, he didn't get the answer he was hoping for. They saw no one, which included Maria, so he had to conclude she was still upstairs. The decision he had made the previous night still seemed plausible, this woman was a stranger to him so he needed to take this easy, he needed to get to know her. It only seemed difficult because he had to let go of the expectations he had of the woman _he_ knew in order to accept the new one. Her mannerism and expressions were still very much hers but he was profoundly stunned still that his wife did not believe in God, among others. Maybe if he told her more about her past in details, she would find some of herself.

A voice caught his attention as he stood by the window of the lounge and when he turned around, he spotted the very man he wasn't too happy to see. Ben Reinard. His interest immediately peaked when he noticed him talking to a maid with Felix in his arms but there was not a sign of Maria. The Captain approached him, remembering he was a guest in his Lodge after all.

"Good morning."

"Captain." Ben turned to him, surprised. "Good Morning." The look on the ex-captain's face wasn't lost on Ben. Apparently his assessment that the great hero wasn't particularly fond of him had been right yesterday and the older man hadn't even said or done anything to him aside from a polite greeting. Captain von Trapp was also looking at him expectantly and his gaze was far more stricter than what he had gotten used to. Not since he was a child, staring up at his own father, had anyone managed to unsettle him like the Captain was right now. He cleared his throat. "Have you, by any chance, seen Maria this morning?"

The Captain resisted to voice the comment that he wouldn't tell him even if he had known. But alas, he was none the wiser. "I'm afraid I haven't." The question did little to ease his edginess however. Where was Maria? She surely did not disappear again, did she? He had just gotten her back.

"Oh." Was Ben's awkward answer.

"I wouldn't be surprised if she were getting herself acquainted with the hills as we speak. She may just be out on a walk."

"On a walk? She doesn't do that." Ben told him with a slight frown, which in turn made the Captain frown. Maria loved nature and being outside. The picnics, outings with the children, the hills, it was what always re-energized her. Then he remembered it was _his_ Maria and apparently not the current one.

An awkward silence settled again and Ben was close to squirming until he noticed that the Captain's attention wasn't on him anymore but on the little boy in his arms. His son. It was the very first time Ben felt the weight of the situation. Maria and Felix were an important part of his life but just one look between the toddler and Captain von Trapp made it impossible to ignore the connection. "He's been most happy since you fixed his toy." Ben smiled. "Would you like to hold him?"

The Captain's eyebrows rose in surprise and while that was precisely what he wanted to do, he couldn't help feeling bothered by the question itself. It was his son they were talking about! Rational thinking did manage to creep its way back to his mind for the moment and he acknowledged what Herr Reinard was trying to do. Instead of snapping or giving him another one of his killer gazes, he nodded and simply took the boy from him.

"So you like the boat?" He asked Felix who seemed very much preoccupied with his toy. The boy's answer was to hold it up high and out to the Captain's eyes and Georg chuckled. "We have a fountain outside, how about we try how it floats?"

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Maria winced slightly in discomfort as she hastily made her way back to the Lodge. She wasn't sure how much time she had spent up on the meadow but it had to be quite a while before she realized Felix would wake up soon. The mad dash she made back had left her quite breathless so she stopped once she reached the garden to regain normal respiration. A loud and frustrated call caught her attention.

"You'll pay for this, Kurt!" Brigitta shouted vehemently from the bottom of the stairs, pointing an angry finger up to the window upstairs where the mischievous boy only giggled in response.

"Kurt! That's the one I left out." Maria exclaimed to herself. When the young boy retreated, Maria watched Brigitta sigh sadly, looking all lost.

Breathing normally now, Maria straightened and approached her. "Hello. Is there something wrong?" She asked while hopping down on the stairs right beside Brigitta and lifting her skirt enough to observe what had given her the discomfort.

Brigitta's head first snapped to the side in surprise before her face lit up. "Mother." Ever the observant, her eyes followed every one of Maria's movements and then didn't fail to point out the obvious. "Your dress is all dirty."

Maria beamed before a sheepish expression spread across her face. "And I scraped my knee." That earned another smile from Brigitta. This was her mother indeed, the girl thought.

"So what had you declare war on Kurt?" She asked curiously, blowing some air gently on her injury.

"My book." Brigitta said and then pointed upwards. Maria followed her gaze and her eyes went wide upon the sight. Said book was resting close to the top branches of the tree that stood right in front of the terrace.

"How in the world did he put it up there?" Maria was in awe. Brigitta's answer was to turn her gaze to the open window where Kurt had previous disappeared.

"He threw it out the window. It's my favourite book." Maria's eyes returned to Brigitta and noted how very sad the girl looked. Looking up at the book once again, an idea hit her.

"Well, since I'm already dirty as it is… I'll get it for you." Maria announced and stood swiftly. Her idea to climb that tree felt unusual but nothing she felt she was incapable of. Yet instead of the surprise or confusion she had expected from the girl, Brigitta only smiled as if Maria did that on a daily basis. Did she? She certainly hadn't been climbing trees in New York and when she thought of everything she had been told about her past, she didn't find it plausible that she was doing so as a postulant. Giving Brigitta a look that conveyed a mixture of suspicion and confusion, she moved.

Nevertheless, determined to get that book for Brigitta, she approached the tree and hoisted herself up. Brigitta took a few steps backwards to a have a better view and to navigate her mother to the right direction if necessary. It went easier than Maria had anticipated and while she knew many people would be outraged upon the sight of what she was doing, she didn't have the slightest care at the moment. She was away from New York, away from the people who had expectations of her and away from the higher class of society that she so avidly guarded her innermost feelings from.

"How far am I?" She called out to Brigitta and held on tightly.

"Not far. Only a few more branches and you're there." The girl responded and watched as Maria climbed even higher.

The Captain with Felix in his arms – and accompanied by Ben – stepped out to the terrace just as Brigitta called out yet another instruction.

"It's on your right!" She called out.

"Brigitta, stop shouting at once. You'll wake the guests." The Captain came to a stop at the top of the stairs. The noise seven children usually made was one thing, but shouting in the middle of the garden was hardly the peaceful environment the Lodge had advertised.

"I'm sorry, Father."

"Brigitta, I still can't see it!" Maria's equally loud shouting interrupted and Brigitta watched as the two adults raised their heads. Spotting Maria on the tree produced expressions that Brigitta found most interesting. While Herr Reinhard (she believed was his name), looked shocked, her father's surprise quickly turned into a knowing look.

"She's getting my book." Brigitta explained.

"Oh dear god…" Ben was dismayed.

**To Be Continued…**


	11. Order

**Disclaimer: I own nothing. The Sound of Music and its characters belong to their respective owners.**

**A/N: **I am horribly sorry this next chapter took so long. Life got in the way, but I'm hoping I'll have some more time now that summer's here. One thing's for sure, I am planning to go through with the story, no matter what.

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Ben was appalled. Although Maria had been anything but an ordinary woman, climbing a tree wasn't something he had ever thought he would see her do. His heart skipped a beat at the sight, worry overcoming his entire being. Maria was way too fragile for this, while her personality proved she had more strength than many of his high-class friends, physically she was definitely not up for this. She was fit, pretty too, but he would only later realize that this was the first time he had seen her with her full strength back and it had surprised him. First it was the long months of recovery from the car accident that nearly took her life, which, unfortunately, also threatened her pregnancy. And the two combined had Maria very weak and needing medical attention after giving birth. Her body had gone through physical changes as well as severe injuries which took a very _long _time to heal. Thus, naturally worried, Ben was also speechless at first.

"Maria." He called out her name, completely unaware of the Captain's disapproving frown.

Maria, on the other hand, quickly looked down, surprised to find two more people staring up at her.

"Good morning." She greeted them with a smile and her voice attracted Felix's attention, too. The little boy immediately pointed to her with one tiny hand and Maria's smile brightened upon the sight of his face. Her eyes then shifted to the very man who was holding him and the resemblance was haunting. Her eyes locked with the Captain's as she continued staring, the reality of recent events not hitting her as unprepared this time. That she still didn't know how to deal was another matter.

"Maria, stay right there. I'll come and get you!" Ben instructed her and judging by his movements he was ready to do just that.

"No." Maria protested. "I'll manage."

"Stay right there!" Ben ignored her. As much as it irritated the Captain to have another man worry for Maria, and as much as he was displeased with her so high up on the tree himself, common sense had always been his forte –when not grieving, that is. And yet, before he could have snapped, it was his own daughter who stated the obvious.

"It doesn't look like she's having trouble."

"But…"

"I'm alright Ben." Maria reassured him. To Ben's dismay, but Brigitta's delight, Maria climbed higher and finally snatched the book before beginning to make her way down. That neither of his company was surprised or even appalled by Maria's actions wasn't lost on Ben. But all the questions that this conclusion brought were pushed aside, his main focus was Maria. He had spent the last two and a half years with her, aside from his feelings, he knew very well what she had been through. The last thing she needed was getting hurt yet again.

As for the Captain, it took him a great deal to stay quiet. He very much wanted to take control of the situation, to tell Herr Reinhard to mind his own business and to remind Maria it was dangerous what she was doing. And yet, not only was he well aware of his wife's antics -- the very things that made her so unique--, but he actually had to remind himself this woman was not his wife. If anything, this woman belonged to Herr Reinhard. The familiar deep loss crept into his heart again. He was certain now that life loved torturing him and this was just another one of its cruel games. Then Felix moved in his arms and he turned his head to look at his youngest son. Letting go may be the best for all of them but a look in his son's eyes made it sound like the hardest thing he ever had to do. If that was what made Maria happy, he would let her go. Truth was, Maria, _his_ Maria, was apparently long gone anyway, regardless of the memories her tree climbing brought. She could sing and she could climb trees but none of that would bring her feelings back.

He yet had to see the slightest flicker of recognition in her eyes and seeing none of it hurt the most. Of course all his feelings were carefully hidden under the façade of a strong and confident former sea Captain, current Lodge owner. It was only his children who could tell he was grieving, poor things have been through this before. But Maria? She had no idea. How could she?

So the Captain, as he watched Ben reach up and take her in his arms while helping her down from the tree, decided it was best Maria never got to see more of him. His life was full of grief, bitterness and mistakes he had made while dealing with his losses. If he had one regret and if there was one thing he would have loved to change about himself, then it was not to shut out the children. He did try his best to handle it better this time, he truly did. But his own survival demanded the hardness that he needed to deal with the loss best. And yet, looking at Felix, all he could think of was the happiness he had with Maria. While the same sentiments regarding Agathe had initially drawn an unfavourable reaction towards his seven other children, with Felix he welcomed the reminder, as painful as it was. He was like a last glimmer of hope. Because truth be told, only NOW did the Captain realize that even with Agathe's death, he still had seven wonderful children who were her legacy, a part of her he would never lose. And yet he nearly did. They forgave him, in fact had grown accustomed to his copying mechanism. So why was Felix different? Why did he not want him to stop reminding him of Maria as he wanted when he had lost Agathe? The answer came as soon as the little boy extended his hands towards his mother who gladly took him from the Captain. It was because Maria was still alive. But was it worth holding on to that tiniest glimmer of hope that there was still a chance to get their old happiness back?

Maria's polite smile and excuse that she needed to get Felix his breakfast answered that. While Brigitta happily clutched her book in her hand, Herr Reinhard looked relieved that Maria was unharmed and then Maria herself departed with Felix in his arms, the Captain knew it was no use. Gone was the happy smile and love shining through her eyes when she looked at him. She wasn't even angry with him. He was just a stranger to her. The answer to his own question, as much as he hated it, was clear. It was no use.

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Barely into the afternoon, Maria sat in the garden of the lodge, enjoying a moment of peace again. The day had been just as nice as the morning, the fresh air and nature surrounding her breathed new life into her. At least that was definitely how she felt. Desperately needing a little time alone to sort out her disappointment regarding her lack of memories, and her feelings in general, Maria sat on a comfortable bench, listening to the birds sing. She felt guilty for needing to be away from Ben, who not only had feelings for her but to whom she owed her life. But if there was one thing she couldn't go on with then it was being dishonest with him. Or, at least, she did not want him to feel that she was dishonest with him. As much as she would have liked to curl up in his arms and draw the support he was always ready to give, she couldn't bear the thought of misleading him. That she loved him was not a question. But was she in love with him? She had been, she was certain of that. Once.

Maria was so lost in her thoughts that at first she didn't even realize the shadow looming over her, blocking the sun that was previously warming her face. Upon sensing someone's presence, she looked up, finding none other than…

"Louisa." The young girl, or lady rather, stared at her with an expression that Maria found just as enigmatic as her father's.

Maria's words were more of a statement than a question, however her surprise could have made it sound uncertain, for Louisa nodded in confirmation. The blonde girl made a slow circle around the woman she had grown to love, the woman whose loss brought such painful feelings she never wished to feel again, before coming to a stop right in front of her.

Maria sensed the hesitation and the curiosity and smiled reassuringly, hoping it would ease the awkwardness for both of them. Getting along with the children she had interacted with already didn't particularly feel difficult, but those were the young ones. Louisa looked at her different - understandably.

Maria held the girl's gaze but was puzzled to find no particular reaction. Instead, Louisa continued to stare at her, her curiosity, as much as she tried to mask it, was obvious but there was a mixture of scrutiny and caution in her eyes. Yes, definitely like her father. Maria found it extremely difficult to read the young girl, especially so since there was an unexplainable need within her to get along with these children. Maybe it was the fact that apparently she had once been their Mother… or maybe it was something more. That she still didn't remember them made all this even more puzzling. Eventually Maria concluded she wanted to avoid inflicting any kind of pain on them. Yet Louisa wasn't jumping in her neck right now, asking a hundred questions and probing to see if there was just the memory of her.

"Would you like to sit?" Maria asked in her need to break the silence, and motioned to the empty space beside her on the bench. Louisa seemed to give it a thought, a little more than someone should think about when it's their supposed-to-be Mother asking the question, but Maria wasn't surprised. She must have been as much of a stranger to the children as they were to her. And Louisa, who was nearly an adult by now, was more precautious. The girl finally moved and took a seat beside Maria.

"Why did you grow your hair long?" Louisa's question surprised her, not only did it come out of left field but was a question not easy to answer. Adults usually bought her answer when she blamed it on fashion and style, the way Louisa got straight to the point suggested she knew more about her than to believe the standard answer. Still, Maria wasn't ready to bare her soul.

"I like it this way." She smiled. She got no response which was a little unsettling. "Where are your brothers and sisters? It's such a beautiful day, too beautiful to spend it inside." Maria spoke again, trying to strike a conversation.

Louisa shrugged. "I don't know, they are probably playing silly games somewhere." Then, she casually added. "I'm the oldest, I don't play anymore."

"I thought Liesl was the oldest." Maria quickly replied. Louisa's eyes turned to her, aside from mischief, a hint of satisfaction reflected in them, too. Was she testing her? The expression was gone as soon as it came and an almost stoic mask engulfed the girl's face.

The silence that settled again was uncomfortable and Maria was at a loss for words. Her mind was reeling to come up with a topic that could help her find a way to this enigmatic young girl next to her when Louisa broke the silence.

"I wish you remembered." Even without being aware how much it took Louisa to say such a thing, Maria was touched. She felt endeared but the sadness and frustration weren't far behind this time either.

"Me too." She answered honestly. She desperately tried to come up with something to lighten the mood. "Would you like to do something? Something… we used to do. Together."

"You used to play on your guitar and sing for us."

"Oh?" Yet another, although unsurprising, information. "Oh… I… I didn't bring my guitar."

"That's fine, we have one." And before Maria could have reacted, Louisa bolted from her seat and disappeared from sight, most probably to get the guitar.

But Louisa brought more than said instrument along when she returned. Maria was surprised but also amused to see Kurt and Friedrich tagging along, too. She didn't mind. Despite her heartache over not remembering them, the von Trapp children seemed to bring some peace to her soul when in their company.

"Would you sing for us, please?" The oldest boy, Friedrich asked. His voice was somewhat deep, his posture and manners reflected that of a responsible young man, yet there was a boyish longing in his eyes that made it impossible for her to say no.

With a smile she nodded and accepted the guitar that he offered and she got comfortable as the youngsters settled down in front of her. Her peaceful afternoon that she had felt she needed to spend alone now seemed out of reach but it didn't trouble her. Her thoughts did regularly return to Felix, as a mother it was natural to wonder about her child. The little boy was having his late afternoon nap and despite her troubled feelings for Ben, she knew she could trust him with her son.

Trouble was that yet again, Maria failed to remember. Opting not to shed even more light on this already obvious fact, instead of asking them for a song, Maria felt she had the right one for the occasion.

"_Smile away each rainy day, and laugh away your blues. Be like old Mr. Noah, when it starts to pour. Make fun of trouble, although you're seeing double_…"

The words were appropriate and Maria's face lit up when the children indeed smiled and seemed entertained. From one minute to another, they didn't seem a day older than Gretl or Marta so Maria continued to sing and play, making them all forget about whatever was troubling their minds. It was an interesting thought that this visit was liberating and that while it was far from his intentions and expectations, Ben couldn't have chosen a better place. She still needed to come to terms with what she was feeling but one thing was certain, New York never gave her as much joy as this place.

"Father!" Kurt's voice grabbed Maria's attention and she stopped singing and playing at once, turning to the very figure standing right behind her.

"It's dinner time." The Captain announced, seemingly devoid of much emotion. His authorative figure and the commanding look in his eyes left no place for argument.

"Wonderful! I'm starving." Kurt announced and was the first to stand, while the two other von Trapp children followed – albeit reluctantly. As soon as they left, Maria found herself alone again with the Captain. Not for the first time, she felt awkward. This dashingly handsome former sea captain was nothing and everything to her at the same time. She found it difficult to handle. She had no idea how long had he been standing there, but if Louisa's gaze was unsettling beforehand, then the Captain's was downright dissecting.

Yet there was a cold sort of distance in his posture, too. The warmth and genuine joy of seeing his wife was somehow missing from his eyes now. Was he disappointed she didn't remember him? Was he angry with her for not remembering? Was he just stressed that his long lost wife was suddenly back in his life? Or was she being too sensitive over trying to figure how her – or his—emotions should be working? The Captain was somewhat of a puzzle for Maria. While he had initially made her uncomfortable with the proximity that was natural for him as her husband, he was now giving her a new kind of discomfort with the looks and exact opposite behaviour. And she wasn't sure why the change in his demeanour and lack of attempts to get close to her felt so troubling.

"I hope the children didn't disturb your peace." He spoke very formally. A part of her was grateful for the Captain not pushing intimacy and giving her space and time to comprehend all the information he had given her. He didn't try to get close to her, didn't want to talk or to question her. While all that should have left her feeling grateful, on the other hand it was truly confusing. He was the father of her child, why wasn't he demanding? Did they have marriage troubles before tragedy struck? Why wasn't he fighting tooth and nail for her to show the slightest clue of memories?

"Of course they didn't. How could they?" Maria finally responded.

"They've been known to get in the way of other guests, too. They can be horribly underfoot." He replied casually.

Other guests? Is that what she was, a guest? Hurt wasn't necessarily the feeling his statement awoke but it certainly added to her confusion as to where she stood with this man.

"No. They've been charming." Maria answered curtly and rose from her seat, her defence mechanism prompting her to adjust to his demeanour and adopt a similar attitude. Serious. Guarded.

"Excellent." The Captain concluded. To say he was having an enormous inner struggle was an understatement. It was hard to treat her like a different woman if she continued to act like his Maria. But she wasn't. His Maria would have let him touch her, his Maria wouldn't have withdrawn and wouldn't have looked at him like a stranger. No. His wife would challenge him, smile at him and he wouldn't be feeling this incredible longing and distance mere inches away from her.

"Mother? Will you join us for dinner?" The two adults turned, surprised to find Gretl stand before them.

"Gretl." The Captain warned gently. His children had dinner before it was served to the guests, his youngest should know that. And as much as he would have wanted Maria to join them… she wasn't a part of their family anymore. At least telling himself that, as painful as it was, was supposed to aid him in going along with his plan: letting go. "You're well aware that our guests dine later."

"But she isn't a guest. She's our Mother." Gretl argued, if the situation wasn't uncomfortable enough, she was quickly turning it awkward. Unfortunately Gretl chose the wrong time to be insistent. The Captain didn't blame her, she was merely a child, yet his already battered patience was wearing thin.

"Gretl…"

"That's quite alright." Maria interrupted, picking up on the child's oblivion. "I will check on Felix and then join you." She smiled, as confused as she was about her own family, she realized it had to be even harder on the children.

"My children are, or should be, accustomed to our habits and decorum. Gretl, go and join the others, you are running late for your dinner." There was absolutely no doubt left in Maria just what a great sea captain he once was. His tone and speech radiated confidence and order, as well as expectation of obedience. Still, Maria found it a little too strict when it came to children.

Gretl, with clear disappointment on her face, gave her father a disapproving look but did as she was told. As for Maria, she felt guilty.

"But…" She began, feeling for the child. "It's really not a problem." She told the Captain with a frown. She had no idea what it was that she said that had hit a nerve with the Captain, for his following reaction wasn't to her liking.

"You will kindly remember that there are certain rules in this house that are to be followed." He snapped.

And there it was… out of the blue, catching her completely off guard, the image of a stern looking Captain von Trapp, very much like now, flashed before her eyes…

"_In the future, you will kindly remember there are certain rooms in this house that are not to be disturbed_."

**To Be Continued…**


	12. Like a true Captain

**Disclaimer: I own nothing. The Sound of Music and its characters belong to their respective owners.**

**A/N: **Well, life just keeps getting in the way but I'll admit lack of inspiration and my attention focused elsewhere contributed, too. But like I've said before, my interest in this story isn't lost, I'm just not the kind of author who can write if my focus isn't properly on a certain piece. I don't like putting out a chapter just for the sake of publishing. That said, I hope you'll like this part and I want to thank you for the tremendously kind messages you have been leaving me. They are appreciated and forgive me if I forgot to answer any!

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And there it was out of the blue, catching her completely off guard, the image of a stern looking Captain von Trapp, very much like now, flashed through before her eyes…

"_In the future, you will kindly remember there are certain rooms in this house that are not to be disturbed_."

It took Maria a few seconds to grasp that it was a memory. And another few seconds to realize it wasn't really a pleasant one. She was unable to respond, the unexpectedness of finally recalling something alone was startling, but the unpleasant nature of this particular mental image was enough to leave her speechless. It certainly wasn't surprising in context with how the Captain had been behaving with her but it definitely was bothersome if she considered the fact that he was supposed to be her husband. Was that how a husband spoke to his wife?

Maria was so surprised, she completely forgot about their first meeting. That she had been the governess of his children before they fell in love was a tale she had found intriguing, but being so surprised by his snap, finally remembering something as well as her own reaction to his tone made it all slip her mind at the moment. Opting not to reveal her very first memories, her own defiance got the better of her.

His response was harsh and uncalled for and for whatever reason, Maria was offended. She may have let it slip and handled it with taking the high road if it had been someone else, but being subjected to his cold treatment was bothering her more than a stranger would. The reason would be significant later but at the moment all Maria was aware of not being immune to him. She pushed it aside as the bond she shared with the father of her child, the bond that the fateful accident erased from her mind.

Her silence was painful evidence to the Captain, evidence of what he had known the moment those words left his mouth: he was unfairly rude to her. A part of him felt it was justified, because the woman who was legally married to him was sharing a bed with someone else. Despite all determination to move on, let Maria be past and find a reasonable solution regarding their child, the feelings that were tearing his heart apart while he had been mourning her couldn't be erased any easier.

"Forgive me for the harsh tone, Fraulein, it was rude of me." He mustered the guts to apologize, but the way he addressed her betrayed that the reason for his rudeness was still present. He concluded that the old Maria would have picked up on it, this woman, this stranger, most certainly wouldn't.

Unbeknownst to him, he was wrong. The way he had first reacted to his long lost wife made sense, everything else that followed did not. While keeping a safe distance was appreciated, being so stern and cold left her nervous and uncertain. She felt it was not right for a husband to treat his wife who had lost her memories the way he was. But then she remembered it also wasn't right for said woman to share a room and a bed with another man. To her defence, she did not know that her family was still alive and her relationship with Ben had been a long term one. Did she let go of her hopes too soon? Maybe she deserved to be treated this way. Yet the fact that she did not intentionally deny this man left her heart rebelling against her own conclusion. What prospects did she have for the future, especially now that the first sign memory, albeit confusing, surfaced?

That was all that came, however. No matter how hard she tried, she couldn't remember more. Her silence and expression must have led the Captain to believe he had offended her, while in reality it was a mixture of hurt and being caught off guard by…him. Both at the moment and in the past.

"Thank you." Maria said, finally finding her voice. Thanking him for the apology also practically confirmed that she agreed – he _was_ rude.

They stared at each other for a while in silence. Maria was so busy trying to hold on to this very short memory, she zoned out. She tried hard, the hardest she could, to remember more, to hold on to the image that flashed before her mental eye, but it was to no avail. Once again, the past that suddenly seemed within reach dissolved into that hazy mess that it had been. Again, Maria was left with nothing… except for that cold, commanding tone and disapproving expression of a man that apparently had faced her like this before – and God only knew how many times.

Maria was growing frustrated. She was upset with the Captain, she was upset with the notion of the wrongness of her living arrangements and she was upset with her inability to regain her memories. Remembering, it seemed so easy, yet it was her biggest challenge. She cleared her throat. "I'll, ah… I'll return this to Louisa." She spoke, needing time alone, again, to process all this.

"That's quite alright, I'll give it to her..." The Captain stopped her. "It's their dinner time, besides I'm sure your fianceé's already awaiting you."

Now _this_ was awkward... and frustrating. She couldn't decide if she should have felt embarrassed, angry or ashamed. So she felt all three at the same time. Thanks to his tone, she was now certain of the animosity coming from Captain von Trapp.

"I appreciate the concern…" Maria began just as formally. "…but I can spare a few more minutes to personally return the guitar to Louisa."

"Wonderful. But can _he_ spare a few more minutes?" The Captain fired back. Apart from an unconscious and not so nice need to push her buttons, the Captain also wanted to keep her around. Their recent interactions resulted in Maria running away from him. His wife may have been gone and he had concluded it was time to let go, but his curiosity didn't let him rest. He wanted to see what kind of a woman she had become. So keeping her in a conversation, even with a tense undertone, was like an unconscious and very strong need.

"Perhaps you should ask _him_." Came Maria's answer, with an expression that was all too familiar to the Captain. It made him miss her more which, in turn, let his unrest grow. So did Maria's.

"I'm certain he'd much rather see you." The Captain responded childishly.

Cold yet jealous? Maria was confused and slowly getting irritated. He was apparently calling her on the very thing that had left her conflicted. Was he aware of it or was he just letting her know his approval in his very own way? If so, what right did he have to suggest any kind of impropriety in the only relationship in her life that had made her feeling cared about? What right did he have to intensify her conscience?

So, although unbeknownst to her, just like any other time the Captain had been unjustly unfair, Maria's bluntness and cruel honestly emerged full force for the first time in a very long while. "What he'd much rather see or do is between him and me. You have your own rules you expect to be followed, Captain, so I expect you stay out of my personal affairs."

That did it. Maria had hit yet another nerve, her defiance got to him much the same way it had always had. Despite all determination to let her go, the idea of her being together with Herr Reinard in _his_ house was a different matter. So was being told to stay out of it.

"Your _affairs_ are directly affecting my son. I don't intend to stay out of his life."

Maria's heart sunk for a moment before rage engulfed her. She felt terribly protective of her only family member she knew inside out and whom had been by her side all along. He was her child, the only bond she felt unbreakable in this whole world, and the implication of the Captain's words were not lost on her. While she had felt a mixture of astonishment and worry about finally finding her family, there was a certain extent of joy in her heart, too, upon the aspect of learning who they were. Fighting, tension and rude comments were not on her mind, however. Neither was any kind of notion implied by his tone that her relationship with Ben would affect her son in a bad way. If anything, Captain von Trapp was a stranger to her son, not her would-be fiancé.

Maria had gotten used to (and a pro in) protecting her heart and innermost feelings in the past years. But what she wasn't afraid of was to protect her son like a lioness, no matter what it took. As far as she was concerned, she didn't know Georg von Trapp. That her own judgment was clouded by her own frustration caused by a combination of emotions and events, was lost on her. So she met her alleged husband head on.

"I assure you there's no cause for concern. I have been managing without you just fine and so did he, without being commanded around." Her intentions really weren't to hurt but she spoke nothing but the truth. That it did have to sting was something Maria regarded very little due to her own frustration.

His brows furrowed and there was no mask on his face anymore but the clear sign of anger. She had faced it before but she didn't remember. The Captain had never really put up well with being out of control, yet he had to suffer exactly from that ever since he had to flee his own country. Now that his long lost wife was around, again, he felt he needed his order more than ever to be able to comprehend all that happened. What he forgot was that not only was she not acting like his wife, but neither was she the governess of his children whom he could order around. Yet his tone implied just that. She was merely a guest in his lodge but his desperate attempts to make it clear he did not intend to let his son out of his life weren't conveyed in his most well chosen words. Now he was slapped with the cruel truth in a way no one but Maria could slap him with. Did it sting? It sure did.

"My children come from a prestigious family, I expect them to live up to the reputation. They are my legacy. I refuse to let my children lack manners and the discipline they need to get by. Raising one child is hard enough, bringing up and instilling decorum in seven is an entirely different matter, not quite unlike a group of unruly sailors. But I don't expect you to know that, Fraulein, order isn't exactly your forte." He bit back.

"Yet my son doesn't lack the fundamental things children need; showing him my love."

"Reassuring thought, given the role model he sees on a daily basis. He'll need guidance as he grows, I fully intend to share my knowledge and teach him everything he needs to know."

"Spoken like a true captain."

"I certainly have the experience."

"I expect to, from a decorated naval hero."

"I do tend to live up to the expectations, _Fraulein_. So naturally, I refuse to miss out any more on Felix' life."

"The only thing you are missing, Captain, is a whistle." And with that, Maria stormed out, leaving an equally upset Captain von Trapp behind. Had he not been so angry, he would have laughed. If she only knew…

Standing outside, now alone, the Captain wished just for that. She was thoughtless in her honestly, fiery in her passionate argument and beautifully infuriating. Exactly the reasons he had fallen in love with her. _Spoken like a true Captain_. Her words rang in his ears. Was he living up to his own reputation? In truth, he wasn't. Yet again it was none other than Maria who opened his eyes. He had been agonizing over losing his wife and delving in self pity over having her near yet so far, intending to give her up. Oh-ho, no. Captain von Trapp didn't just give up. He certainly didn't just give up on his wife. If he had been on a ship, he would have every intention to go down fighting. If she wanted to see just what kind of a decorated naval hero he was, then he would live up to the expectations indeed – both for her and his own sake. There was just no way he would give Maria up without a fight.

With newfound determination and feeling more motivated than he had in years, the Captain spun around and marched inside the house, too, ready to have his own dinner before a new day would begin.

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That night, before bed, Maria was still restless. Ben had seen the unusual fury in her demeanour but he had learned long ago that if there was something she didn't want to tell him, then she wouldn't. So not surprisingly, every attempt on his part to find out what was wrong, failed. Felix was fast asleep in his crib, and Ben's eyes followed Maria's every move. She wouldn't sit still, instead she rummaged around in the room, apparently to keep herself busy with just about anything. It was when he was ready to disappear in the bathroom to take a shower when Maria stopped him.

"Ben." She called after him softly. "I need to talk to you."

While he initially turned hopeful, thinking maybe she was ready to share what was on her mind, what she had to say did not turn out what he wanted to hear.

"I… I've been thinking." She told him, clearly with some difficulty in articulating her thoughts as she sat next to him on the bed. "So many things happened since we arrived here, there is so much I need to sort out in my head. I've given up hope that I would ever find my family and now that I did… it's so different from what I thought it would be like." Meeting his eyes, Maria told him what she had been thoroughly considering. "You've been nothing less than wonderful and I'm so thankful. I can only hope you will continue to understand and be patient with me. I feel it somehow… improper for us to share a room. The children are so enthusiastic about my return yet must be confused about our living arrangements. I need some time myself to be alone with my thoughts for a little while and…."

She did not need to finish, Ben immediately caught on. "You want me to take another room." He stated and Maria nodded with apologetic eyes.

Ben sighed. This trip was not turning out to be what he hoped it would. He had taken her here with the intention of cozying up to her and strengthening their relationship that he had felt needed more pillars, and instead their lives turned upside down. Yet there was no doubt in his mind that he would grant her wish, as difficult as it seemed. She had been loving once but just when he thought she had began to open up to him, she retreated and the distance gradually grew between them. Neither really acknowledged it but both felt it. But Ben wasn't about to give up. She was a wonderful person and he wouldn't pass up on her.

"Okay." He told her and encircled her in his arm to pull her in for a kiss. To his surprise she returned it, and the warmth of her body almost made him change his mind. But insisting he stayed with her would only alienate her and that wasn't what their relationship needed.

That night Maria slept in the bed alone, feeling an odd mixture of relief and longing. For whom, she wasn't sure.

**To Be Continued…**


	13. Surprises

**Disclaimer: I own nothing. The Sound of Music and its characters belong to their respective owners.**

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The next morning Captain von Trapp was up and about much earlier than usual. The argument he had had with Maria kept repeating in his head the entire night, and there was a new sort of restlessness flowing in his veins. The loss he had been feeling, as deep as it had been, was brushed aside and was replaced by excitement and a new drive. There was no doubt in his mind that this _new_ Maria was still wonderful. But even if he knew so little of this new her, he had made a vow, he had promised to be with her through thick and thin, and it wasn't something the Captain took lightly…. even if she couldn't remember. Sure, he had once been ready to marry Elsa to whom he did not feel as committed, but that was before his own foolish and desperate thinking was pointed out. It sounded almost ridiculous but a part of him felt like a teenage boy who couldn't wait for the next day to see the girl he fancied. Of course there was also his male ego and his pride to deal with for they put him in a rather competitive mood. He had to win Maria over and was well aware that there was another man in the house that wanted the same… if hadn't entirely succeeded already. Not that it would scare a sea captain away.

Yet again the irony wasn't lost on Georg. Life seemed to like pulling its funny twists on him because now it seemed their roles were reversed. While he had Elsa as his would-be fiancé back in Austria, this time it was Maria who was committed to someone else. He did not like it, at all. That was probably what had him up earlier than usual and only the staff seemed to be up and about as he strolled through the empty hallway. The very first impulse he had had upon awakening that morning was to barge into his wife's room and drag Herr Reinard out. In his shock and drowning in self pity, as well as confusion as to how _not_ to scare Maria away, he had done nothing about the very thing that bothered him so much. It was unacceptable for the two to share a room – in his house anyway. Yet the most logical reasoning he could think of would apparently get him nowhere. As incredulous as it still sounded, his wife was not a believer in God anymore. Any kind of religious implication on his part would fall on deaf ears… and, frankly, would be highly hypocritical.

As it turned out, however, all his newfound determination to personally educate his _guests_ about the house rules as well as impropriety was not needed after all. A quick, routine stop at the reception had him learn of the change in reservations. Not for the first time the Captain felt deep satisfaction about his very effective staff. They got Herr Reinard a room ready immediately upon request and, apparently, he and Maria spent the night in different rooms. Of course he was utterly intrigued why that had happened. Did they have a fight? Did they break up? Was he responsible for it? While normally he would have felt highly ashamed of having any kind of involvement if it was true, in this case he felt nothing but justification. Maria was his wife after all.

Dressed as sharp and elegant as he always was, the Captain set out for his daily routine, with one thing clear on his mind: Maria had fallen for him once… he would make her fall in love with him again.

As for Maria, she slept a whole lot better than she had anticipated the night before. There were no careful movements at night to make sure she didn't touch or wake Ben. While she was certain she felt for him, she found herself less and less attracted to him. He had tried initiating love making since they arrived to the lodge but she wasn't in the mood at all. Now that they had different rooms, she felt relief. Not only because she felt she had some room to breathe but because she didn't have to continuously reject him – in many ways. Of course she felt bad about it. Nearly everyone back in New York had considered them all but legally married. Maria was fine with that, there simply seemed nothing else for her in life – aside from Felix, of course. Yet she had been suffering from an inner struggle for a while now. She had realized at one point that her feelings for Ben resembled gratitude and a deep friendship much more than romantic love. He had been her world, the one person who knew of her missing past, the one person who knew of her scars and who still wanted her despite all that. Her choice was limited to him, for trusting anyone else just seemed impossible… and ungrateful towards Ben.

At one point it had begun to feel like she was trapped. She alternated between love and friendship, gratitude and commitment. Yet nobody else in their circle seemed trustworthy or understanding enough. She often wondered what status – if any—she had held in her previous life. Had she been just as rich as she was now? Her clothes, albeit torn and dirty, had suggested she was finely dressed. So how did she put up with the circles of society that came with that possible status? Had she felt just as ill-at-ease? Had she been born into it? All these questions soon became mysteries Maria had gradually given up on. Instead, she had decided that it was time to live in the present and to concentrate on the future, for while her past seemed hopelessly out of reach, she still had to go on about the business of living. That hadn't necessarily made her life easier. She had learned to close up even more, to shower her son with all her love and caring, but she, as horrible as it sounded, resolved to the one man that there was for her: Ben. He had never treated her bad and that was what made her feel all the worse… for despite all his selfless generosity, she felt something was missing. Maria could get angry, she could reach a certain intensity if she had set her mind on something: like singing. She could give herself completely to a song and she could feel the words and the beautiful music in her bones. And yet she could never ever feel that overwhelming passion with Ben.

Now everything was in an entirely different perspective. There were seven wonderful children who seemed to know an awful lot about her, and there was an infuriating and confusing sea captain who seemed to know even more. Alarmingly more. That was one aspect Maria felt both intrigued and uncomfortable about. Given her need to hide her scars and her innermost feelings, it was downright frightening that someone that she hardly knew apparently knew a lot about her. Despite all her past resignation, Maria's curiosity returned with great intensity. Of course she wanted to know all about herself and her past. But would Captain von Trapp reveal all that information or would she need to go through such awkward and heated arguments as the night before? Of course she felt bad about that incident. Her mind had been reeling ever since she got out of bed and only now did she realize she wasn't entirely fair to him either. While he had undoubtedly crossed the line, she realized she had been brutally honest with him. There had been no lie in anything she told him but she now realized her own words may have trigged his already off mood. What had caused that mood to begin with, she didn't know. And while she may have been a little insensitive, she did think he had been rude.

This morning she also finally remembered that her own memory may have been misleading. After a good night's sleep she could now recall the story she had been told: she used to be the governess of his children before she became his wife. While Maria herself would never speak to a servant like that, in that aspect her surfacing memory didn't seem as shocking. What seemed shocking was that she had, apparently, fallen for him. He was snappy, arrogant, rude, overly disciplined and, as she could recall from the previous night, also condescending. How on earth could she fall for anyone like that? Or did she have other reasons to marry him? Did she… fall into _bed_ with him first and got pregnant?

Something else that had immediately struck her about the Captain, however, was his masculinity. Despite his unpleasant attitude, he seemed exactly the type of person who had his very own and clear way of thinking and was a firm believer in his ideals. Someone stable, someone who would make one feel safe if trusted. Could she trust him? Should she? And did he want her to trust him at all? There were way too many questions and confusions that she had not expected of a possible reunion. There were only two things she was certain of at the moment. One, that she wanted to know more about her past. Two, as annoying as he had been, Maria owned him some sort of apology for the way she lost control of her tongue.

Shortly after she had gone downstairs with Felix walking right beside her and holding on to her hand, she was given a note from Ben at the reception. He had left for the local library. It wasn't really surprising, unlike his father and brother, Ben had always found more enjoyment in books and literacy than in military. That he may have been hurt by her request to be in separate rooms was also a strong possibility and Maria wished she hadn't had to hurt him. So after having breakfast with Felix, and seeing no sign of the Captain or the von Trapp children, she headed outside. The fountain that was in the middle of the backyard should have been a popular spot but apparently the guests of the lodge were much more interested in the surrounding hills in the beautiful weather. Maria couldn't blame them. She had considered taking Felix out on a little walk, too, but all her plans were diminished the moment her son set his eyes on the fountain. In light of his father's naval past, Maria was now not surprised that Felix was so fond of his little ship as well as water. She couldn't have dragged him away from the fountain without a major tantrum. So opting to spend the beautifully warm day in the empty garden, Maria sat comfortably seated on the edge while Felix thoroughly enjoyed pushing his ship along the water surface.

"What an adorable little tyke."

Maria raised her head upon the unfamiliar voice. What greeted her was the smiling face of an elderly lady, dressed elegantly but comfortably. Maria could spot a few stray grey hair sticking out but most of it was hidden under a rather stylish hat. The smile on the woman's face indicated she didn't fire off an insult, but Maria, despite how much progress she had made, still had occasional trouble with the English language, particularly with words she hadn't came across before.

"I'm sorry. Tyke?" Her brows furrowed in confusion.

"Little boy." The elderly lady offered an explanation, immediately picking up on Maria's accent.

"Oh." Maria exclaimed before a proud smile spread across her face. "Thank you."

"May I?" The lady asked.

"Yes, of course." Maria watched as the lady took a seat right next to her, giving Felix yet another warm smile.

"He makes me think you may have chosen the wrong vacation spot." The lady joked and Maria laughed.

"Maybe. But he loves nature altogether, he enjoys it here." If there was one person who was definitely having fun, it was her son. And Maria was delighted about that.

"And what's the little sailor's name, if I may ask?"

"Sea captain." Maria corrected her jokingly, realizing too late what she had said. "His… his name is Felix." She stuttered slightly.

_Sea captain_? She could hardly believe she had just said that. There certainly wasn't _that_ much to admire about the resident sea captain for he was way too infuriating. And hadn't she said it herself? Her son was just fine enough without being commanded around. So what was she doing insisting he was sea captain just like his… father?

"Lovely." The lady smiled and her voice brought Maria back from her musing. "My name is Trudy. My husband and I are taking a long overdue vacation but the old fox decided to sleep in."

"Oh." Maria laughed softly. "I'm Maria. We're also on vacation…" That didn't really begin to cover it at this point but she didn't even try to explain.

Maria noted that the lady had a reassuring smile and a rather confident body language, but no way threatening. She didn't really address Felix – or her for that matter – the way ladies her age usually did. There was a real friendly aura around her without having the feeling that she was speaking down to her. She struck up a conversation herself and seemed pleasant.

"I heard you sing yesterday." Trudy said. "You have a beautiful voice, dear."

Maria had gotten used to compliments ever since she had begun performing on stage. Yet it never failed to get to her whenever she felt the honesty in a compliment, especially one in such a personal environment.

"Thank you." She said and her cheeks reddened a little. She wasn't sure if it was the surroundings or just that she was so close to her past but her walls she had carefully built in the past years seemed so much lower. She felt more sensitive and much less guarded since they arrived. Thankfully the hills and the beautiful nature also made her feel much freer and safer, considerably different than back in New York. Even with all the uncertainty surrounding her background and her current relationships, this was the first place she could imagine as her home.

"Do you often sing?"

"I do." Maria answered, finding the lady's interest in her oddly comforting. "I love it. I've been singing ever since I can rem… remember." She finished somewhat awkwardly. Maria was certain Trudy thought she was singing since her childhood but the truth was… Maria had no idea.

"My son, George, is an avid music lover." Trudy smiled. "In fact he teaches music at a local school in Shelton. I believe he would be quite enthusiastic about you right now." Trudy laughed and Maria did the same, even if she wanted nothing but to stay away from men at the moment.

"I've noticed your accent." Trudy went on. "Sounds german." Maria's smile faltered slightly but there was no hostility on Trudy's face.

"I'm from Austria." She felt the need to correct her. The ongoing war had taken its toll on the whole world and while Maria was sure there were many civilians in Germany who opposed what was going on, she wanted to make sure it was clear that she had nothing to do with the Third Reich. And as for her revelation that she was from Austria… there was great relief for her in the fact that she could finally, for the first time, positively and confidently share an information about herself..

"Oh, such a beautiful country." Trudy exclaimed. "Arthur, my husband, and I visited once. Back in our heyday." It was easy to tell from Trudy's smile that she was remembering as she gazed into the distance. "We stayed in Salzburg for a couple of weeks, it was so gorgeous." Maria felt sadness return to her heart upon those words. She now knew some facts about herself but she still couldn't remember it. "That's why we came here." Trudy turned back to Maria. "We have heard about Captain von Trapp and that he's from Austria. We heard he re-created some of the Austrian atmosphere over here and we longed to be back. Of course with the war it would be insane to visit Europe so we opted to spend some time here. I have to say, this lodge does it for us just fine. The man couldn't deny where he is from even if he wanted to. I really admire that, you know. He took his family and brought them to safety. It's common knowledge around here that he used to be a great sea captain but I believe he made the right choice when he took his family away from that pit of horror that is now Europe."

Maria wasn't quite sure how to respond to that. She was supposed to be a part of that family, too, yet life had complicated everything. Felix chose that moment to remind the adults that he was very much present, too. While getting carried away with his ship, he made quite a big splash, grinning at his mother mischievously when she yelped as the water made contact with her skin.

"Felix!" She gasped, as much as his grin made her heart melt, getting people wet wasn't what he should be busy with. But Trudy merely laughed as she wiped the little wet spot on her neck and face and Maria felt relieved. She playfully grabbed Felix and lifted him off the ground, tickling him as a means of punishment and smiled as his adorable laugh hit her ears. She pressed a kiss on his cheek but his son was evidently way ahead of her, for he did his best to squirm out of his mother's grasp and return to his ship. After making sure that Felix was preoccupied once again, she turned back to her companion.

"I'm sorry, he gets a little carried away sometimes."

"Not to worry, dear." Trudy reassured her. "I've raised three boys, I have weathered much worse." She chuckled. "Arthur always says he credits me for our sons turning out so decent after all. But he was just as crucial as I was."

Maria could feel her heart tighten a little. With so much uncertainty in her life, she couldn't help but wonder about Felix. Would he grow up to be a decent man? Ben had been a father figure in his life but Maria never quite managed to shake that feel of… emptiness, that there was something missing from her son's life. His real father, of course. But that was all so much more complicated now.

As if sensing some of her thoughts, Trudy spoke up. "Mischievous or not, I'm sure Felix will be a fine man one day."

"I hope so." Maria said gently, running a hand tenderly through Felix' hair. A part of her, oddly, felt compelled to blurt out all her doubts and worries she was having regarding his future. She realized for the first time how very much she needed advice, how much she needed to share her worries and have a second opinion. Yet her walls, even if lower, were still standing strong and despite the reassuring presence of Trudy, Maria had gotten so used to her own little world that the words didn't come. She suddenly longed to share and to seek reassured from someone trustworthy. Did she ever have anyone like that?

"God will guide you along the way, dear." Trudy said. "He always does."

For the very first time Maria found comfort in that statement. That she had no particular faith in the God that stripped her of her life and memories was something she didn't particularly hide but she never bad mouthed God either. Why she felt compelled to believe the statement that God, indeed, would guide her now was something she didn't know. She smiled at Trudy appreciatively and while words never left her mouth, Maria wondered if the elderly lady actually felt the gratitude that she had been trying to convey.

"Trudy!" There was a huff right after the grumpy call that reached Maria and her companion. They both turned their heads to the direction of voice but there was no one in sight.

"Ah, that's Arthur." Trudy explained and slowly rose from her seat. "Seems like the old fox finally dragged himself out of bed."

"He sounds grumpy." Maria stated her observation, making Trudy laugh.

"You have no idea, dear. He has got out of bed like this every since day in the past 40 years. But I wouldn't have him any other way."

Maria smiled at the sentiment which widened upon seeing the love reflecting on Trudy's features.

"I better go." She told Maria. "I'm sure I'll be seeing you again later, dear. Have a good day with your son."

"Thank you." Maria nodded but just as she turned back to Felix, Trudy stopped.

"We're in room 37 if you ever want to talk." With a last smile, the elderly lady departed. Maria was surprised and… touched. She wasn't sure what gave Trudy the idea that she needed a talk, she hadn't entirely admitted it to herself either, yet there was something liberating in the knowledge that she was just a couple of rooms away. Not for the first time since they started talking, Maria wondered if she had had anyone she could seek advice from before she lost her memories. Was she seeking advice from fellow postulants or the nuns in the abbey? Was it the Captain?

Yet it was again Felix who pulled Maria right out of her reverie. "Momma! Momma!" There was despair in his voice as he both pulled on her skirt and tried to climb over the stone wall, right into the water. Turning her head, Maria realized his ship had gotten away and too far in for him to reach. Frankly, the fountain was big enough for the ship to get out of reach even for her.

"It's alright darling, I'll get it." She kissed the top of his head before rising from her seat.

Yet as she turned to grab the toy, Maria realized it indeed was out of reach for her, too. She leaned against the stone that she had been sitting on as far as she could and extended a hand. No success. Biting her lower lip, Maria weighed her options. Since no one else seemed to be around, she decided to forget about class yet again and just get her son's most beloved toy without agonizing over it. Stepping out of her shoe, Maria lifted her skirt and swung a leg over the stone wall of the fountain. The water was a little cool but nothing she couldn't handle as she slowly stepped into it. The water reached as high as her mid-thigh. She put her weight on the leg that was in the water and, holding her skirt up not to get it any more wet, she leaned forward. Her fingertips were already grazing the toy when…

"Have you lost something?"

The Captain's unexpected voice startled Maria beyond belief. She jumped as she started and that was enough for her foot in the water -- on which she was balancing her weight—to slip. She was only slightly aware of the yelp she let out before she hit the water with a splash.

Georg's eyes went wide as Maria fell into the fountain. The inevitable feeling of deja vue hit him and he stood rooted to the spot… this time trying not to smile as his wife re-surfaced. He had been busy all morning, first with making his usual errands and then with the children before he decided to look for Maria. He had found out that Herr Reinard wasn't in today and he wanted to take the opportunity to be alone with her again. Yet by the time he found her and Felix, she was standing in the fountain, doing something very Maria like. While a part of him had considered making his presence known in a more subtle way, like clearing his throat, instead he had opted to make sure she couldn't ignore him in case she wanted to -- in light of their previous fight. Evidently he wasn't ignored.

She surfaced almost immediately but even that couldn't help the blush rapidly creeping up to her cheeks. She spat out some of the water that she gulped down and rubbed her eyes and face to get the water off and to clear her vision.

Felix was staring at her in awe. The little boy didn't even blink as he watched his mother come up, soaked to the bone in the fountain. Then his eyes shifted and to his delight, his ship sat in Maria's hand, unharmed. He immediately reached for it, standing on his tiptoes as the fountain's wall was too high for him. Maria rose from the water to hand him the toy and that was when she realized her fine dress, which was made of silk and which felt fine when dry, now clung to her like a second skin. She was slapped with feeling of being awfully exposed and she promptly sunk back into the water.

"Captain." She exclaimed when she appeared to take note of him. He didn't fail to note the exasperation in her tone.

"Maria." He responded. "Are you alright?" He asked while his brows furrowed, genuinely concerned.

"I'm… yes, I'm alright." She nodded, yet didn't move. The Captain raised his eyebrows in question. He noted the still considerable pink shade of her cheeks and the sight of her now wasn't any less desirable than during the incident back home. It was only her attire that was much different.

He took a step closer and extended a hand. "May I help?" He asked like a true gentleman. She eyed his hand at first and he saw her biting her lower lip, maybe in consideration, before she shook her head no.

"Thank you but I'll ah… I'll manage." He wasn't really surprised to receive that answer, she could be incredibly stubborn. He nodded and stepped back but not before playfully ruffling Felix' hair. The boy gave a little giggle but continued to play.

The Captain crossed his arms then and turned back to Maria who seemed somewhat puzzled. The Captain could easily see her discomfort. Now that he had set his own mind straight, he was having a clearer picture. While there were still many things for him to learn about this new Maria, there were certain reactions on her part that made sense in the aftermath. He also had the advantage of being able to read her littler gestures and expressions, features that were essentially hers, with or without memories.

"Are you planning to stay in there all day?" He asked nonchalantly, a small, amused smile making the corner of his lips twitch upwards, well aware that her mind was reeling. Her eyes shot up to his face, evidently noticing his amusement with the situation.

"Certainly not." She replied and glared at him.

"Well, I was just… wondering, since… you don't seem inclined to move. In fact you look quite comfortable." The Captain was immensely enjoying her discomfort. There was a stubborn, almost pouty expression on her face that he had seen many times. Frankly, he had missed it. Seeing her alive right in front of him, looking as beautiful and adorable as she had always had made his heart swell. That she wore different clothes and had longer hair made no difference whatsoever at the moment. He just wanted to relish hearing her endearing huff again.

"I assure you, I'm not." She blurted out before giving Felix a quick glance, noting he was much more interested in his ship than in the adults.

"Well you have always had an affinity for falling into masses of water." The colours to her cheeks returned once again but this time he suspected it wasn't only embarrassment but frustration, too.

"You startled me." She defended herself and the Captain didn't keep the amused smile back anymore. One way or another, he always seems to be involved in her getting wet.

"In that case, I apologize." Yet there was still clear hint of amusement in his voice and it further increased her discomfort. Her son was the living-breathing proof that she had been intimate with Captain von Trapp, yet Maria felt shy.

The pointed gaze she gave him held a message, one the Captain was all too happy to play ignorant about. He raised his eyebrows once again, giving her a mock confused glare.

"Thank you, I'll accept. But I'm sure you've got business to attend to, don't let me keep you from it."

"No I've got nothing in particular planned today. In fact I was just looking for you." He could tell she wasn't necessarily pleased with that information. "Besides, it would be highly rude of me to leave a damsel in distress behind."

Her eyes slightly narrowed before that all too familiar pleasant smile appeared on her face. "We're not at sea, Captain, I won't drown."

"Thank God. For a moment there I thought you might just need the help of an experience captain, after all."

"Prince Charming on a U-boat? I feel much safer." The Captain realized he had had it coming. Her mockery met its target but it didn't annoy him, on the contrary.

"I'm getting out." She informed him promptly but again, failed to move. The look she was giving him was expectant but when he didn't react, she gave him a pointed gaze. "Turn around, please." Maria practically commanded.

"O-ho. I assure you, there's nothing there I haven't seen before."

Maria's jaw dropped in shock, this time not only her cheeks but her chest was burning from the redness, too.

"Ooooh… you…." Despite the conclusion that she had been unnecessarily harsh with him the night before, there was a still considerable amount of annoyance left in her which was further compelled by her current situation. If that hadn't been enough, he had the decency to actually tease her about such things. To make matters more confusing, she wasn't only feeling hot from the rage but from the aspect of the truth behind his words.

There was no doubt left in Maria why the Captain had appealed to her on a physical level. He had the kind of charm she was sure mesmerized many women. Broad shoulders, _very_ handsome features, neatly groomed hair that practically screamed to be ruffled lovingly. But then there was his personality, rude one day and then joking on her expense the next. To say he was volatile was an understatement. But Maria had her strong reactions, too.

She shot him a death glare and stubbornly rose to her feet in the fountain, emerging almost like a mermaid. She covered her bosoms by crossing her forearms in front of her chest and she pressed her lips together in annoyance as she waded through the water to get out. The Captain couldn't keep his eyes from roaming over the body that she was trying to hide. He had been vastly familiar with it, he had explored every inch and curve during that blissful month of their honeymoon in Paris. He licked his lips unconsciously, it was only now that he realized it wasn't only his heart that had missed her so terribly.

All of that was lost on Maria as she tried her best not to slip again. Oh why did she have to be so clumsy, she wondered. Of course it was partially his fault, too. He had startled her. Yet she refused to think more about just why did she have such a strong reaction to his voice. It wasn't an easy task to climb out with how tightly she had been guarding her now nearly see through dress over her chest, but she had managed. She did jump a little again when, as soon as she stood on the ground, felt something warm around her shoulders.

The Captain knew Maria refused help and would have done it again had he asked, so without offering, he simply removed his jacket and wrapped it around her shoulders. She looked startled at first before but after a few hesitant moments she pulled it tighter around herself and murmured a silent "Thank you."

"I'll watch Felix while you change." The Captain told her and again, she looked contemplative. It was easy to tell that her son was still immensely enjoying himself, and each time that happened, he was persistent about keeping up with his fun to the point that he would refuse to leave. Since carrying him would only get him wet, too, Maria had to conclude the Captain's offer was the best solution.

"I'll be back shortly." She told him and turned to leave.

"Maria." He called after her, the lack of use of _Fraulein_ not lost on her. "When you're back, I believe it's time for a talk." There was no teasing, nor any amusement in his voice anymore. She could tell that he was serious but without any sign of hostility. Despite how riled up she had gotten the night before and despite the time she had needed to be ready to digest the unexpected reunion, that talk was what she had been waiting for all along. She merely nodded in agreement before she ran inside to change.

**To Be Continued…**


	14. The Talk

**Disclaimer: I own nothing. The Sound of Music and its characters belong to their respective owners.**

**A/N 1: **Whoa, this took long, I know and I'm sorry! Life got really busy but I'll admit I had a rather long writer's block and I was really unmotivated and uninspired to write. On top of that I got stuck with this story, too, for while I know where I'm taking it, some details had to be figured out as to how to get there. Since real life is a funny thing, I can't promise for sure that I'll be back with another update quickly, but the same thing could be said for my inspiration and I may get this overwhelming urge to work on it immediately. One thing is for sure, I appreciate ALL your feedback, you guys have been really awesome and I do NOT intend to leave this story unfinished.

**A/N 2**: Many, many, MANY thanks to **foreverjulie** for betaing this for me! It makes me feel so much better to know that everything I may have otherwise overlooked and the mistakes I wouldn't have caught myself were corrected. I try but not being a native speaker makes it a little hard sometimes. 3

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CHAPTER 14

The sound of a splash was what grabbed the Captain's attention again. He had stared after Maria, momentarily lost in his thoughts, before Felix reminded him of his presence. The little boy's hands were wet and so were his cheeks this time, so Georg guessed he had just splashed himself in the face. With a chuckle the Captain approached his son, crouched down to him and gently wiped his face off with his hand.

"Careful there, Felix," he told him with more gentleness than he had been treating his other children lately. A pang of guilt shot through him momentarily, knowing he had turned inwards yet again. As much as he had vowed to be a better father, he failed them again. He was far from the overly strict and denying man he had turned into after Agathe's death, but he cursed himself for the coping mechanism he just couldn't shake. A man of his age, and with such passion, had a hard time changing his ways. Although he had learned from his mistakes, he had to come to the conclusion that he just couldn't change who he was. What he consoled himself with was the fact that he merely wanted to provide for his children, some of whom were practically adults by now. Especially Liesl.

He hadn't seen much of her lately and he knew very well the reason for it. He may have hardened in demeanour again but he did keep an eye on all of them. Liesl seemed lonely. As much as he despised Rolfe, he had to admit Liesl had feelings for him. Two years had passed but his daughter evidently carried the hurt with her, which he wasn't surprised about. That sorry excuse of a boy was her first love that she had lost. That wasn't necessarily an occurrence he felt sorry about, but obviously he didn't enjoy seeing his daughter suffer. And, of course, the one person who she could confide in and draw support from was dead, too. Or so they had thought. Of course Georg also realized Liesl may have been following the last advice her mother had given her. She was waiting. The Captain, surprisingly, didn't have to really bother with fending off possible suitors. Liesl was more beautiful than ever, yet never once had he caught anyone trying to sneak in. As it turned out, Liesl did most of the guarding herself and he was immensely proud of her. He still felt guilty for having asked her to lie to her brothers and sisters about Maria and he knew very well he owed her an apology. The truth was, he owed all of his children an apology.

Felix's undivided attention was what brought him back from his reverie yet again. The little boy found him utterly interesting, the ship was floating on the surface of the water all abandoned, while his son continued to stare at him. It wasn't the first time it happened yet it wasn't an unfamiliar occurrence to an experienced father of seven, either. Eight, he corrected himself. It broke his heart to admit that he was a stranger to his son. The boy didn't recoil from him, yet there was the kind of scrutiny in his eyes he knew was reserved for strangers. He smiled at him, endeared by the recognition that despite the resemblance to him, Felix had the same innocent and curious look in his eyes as his mother.

"Momma?" He finally spoke, looking around, trying to find Maria.

"Momma's changing," he told him, running his large hand through the boy's soft hair. "She'll be back soon."

Felix looked at him once more but this time the Captain couldn't decide if it was because he understood what he said or because he was unsure whether to cry or to carry on playing. Before any breakdown could have come about, however, the Captain grabbed his toy and held it up in front of him.

"The ship is missing its captain." Georg was delighted to see the gleam return to his eyes as his short hands rose to grab it from his father's hands. The toy was immediately back in the water and the Captain laughed when he noticed Felix dropped it in upside down. He turned it up and pushed it towards him.

"'ip… 'ip!" Felix cried, delighted, and Georg concluded it had to mean 'ship' in his son's very own baby language.

He couldn't help but wonder how different their life would be right now had that fateful night not separated them. His son was just as wonderful as the other seven children and his heart swelled from the thought that Felix was his love child with Maria. He imagined how idyllic, despite his heartache over having to leave his country, it would have been to be by Maria's side every single day as Felix grew. He was only 15 months old, he knew he hadn't missed much, yet it felt like eternity. Of course a part of him couldn't deny he may have deserved his own suffering. He had seven other children that he could and should have taken care of, and while provide for them and preserve everything Maria had brought them he did, he wasn't there for them as much as he should have been. For whatever reasons, life had decided to give him a second chance… once more. Maybe it was his lesson to learn that he still hadn't learned from past mistakes. But the Captain clearly saw the opportunity this time and there was just no way he would let it slip away. Maria was back with his son, and if keeping them meant fighting tooth and nail, then he would do it. Of course being a sophisticated gentleman he had other ideas he intended to go with, first.

Maria had ignored the confused looks she received as she hastily made her way upstairs. She was sure the maid she had met along the way recognized the suit jacket she was gripping around her shoulders, but even that couldn't distract the attention from the very fact that she was dripping wet from head to toe. Her fine clothes clung to her frame and were now feeling quite cold, so she was horribly relieved when she finally made it inside her room. She tossed the suit on a nearby chair before she ran to the bathroom to get out of her wet dress. It took her only about ten minutes to dry herself off with a towel, wrap it around her wet hair and to return to the room to look for new clothes. It felt oddly liberating to be on her own – and completely naked for that matter. There was a great deal of safety in being exposed to no one in particular, yet she recognized the loneliness, too. The longing she had been feeling was somehow still present and it puzzled her, for the idea of Ben's presence didn't thrill her as it should thrill an engaged woman.

It wasn't until she caught her own reflection in the mirror that she remembered why she didn't like exposing herself, not to Ben, not even to the empty room. Though they had begun to fade, there was no mistaking the scars that covered her body here and there. She had always paid careful attention to hide them, and while her clothes were elegant, revealing enough to look good but still appropriate, she refused to wear anything that could expose any of the physical marks of her accident. She hated the reminder, hated answering questions that came whenever someone caught glimpse of the scar on her forehead or if the powder on her chin faded. Her inability to recall her past became the source of her greatest inhibition, and while her singing career alone had secured her a place in the highly ranked circles, it just simply wasn't her world. She had begun to feel that more and more each passing day recently, that was why she had welcomed Ben's idea to have their little getaway.

Now clad in another summer dress, Maria removed the towel from her hair. Although she dried it off as much as she could, it was still damp. Thankfully she could fix her bun enough for it to hold and she carefully swept a strand of hair over the one scar on her forehead she couldn't easily hide. Ben had told her it wasn't nearly as bad as she had thought, yet she remembered each occasion very well when someone couldn't stop staring at it or, although discreetly, tried to point it out. There was more to her than that scar – or the rest of them for that matter –, but people wouldn't see past it. So, she had opted to hide it.

When she thought she looked presentable enough, Maria observed her reflection in the mirror and took a deep breath. A talk. That was precisely what they needed, although frankly, she wasn't sure what to expect. The Captain was confusing her. While the previous night she was positive she had felt great disdain for him and today her annoyance returned full force - thanks to his part in her little incident-, she couldn't deny that her senses were stimulated like never before when in his presence. There were certainly many questions swirling around in her head that she wanted and needed answered and apparently he was the man who could answer them. She couldn't deny how disconcerting it seemed that someone as puzzling as him held all the information about her that she was craving to know. Yet she felt herself pulled to him somehow. Even now she was eager to spend time in his company. As she moved towards the door, she hoped it wouldn't turn out as bad as their previous 'talk'.

By the time Maria returned, the garden was considerably more crowded. Her son wasn't only preoccupied by his own father but by the other von Trapp children as well. It was only now that it struck Maria that these youngsters were Felix's brothers and sisters. It was a strange realization, something that should have come much sooner with how obvious it was, yet the full impact didn't hit her until now. With that knowledge that she was unable to give birth again, Maria always wondered how Felix would feel growing up as an only child. She had held great concern, wanting to prevent him from feeling as lonely as she was feeling in New York. Evidently, he was anything but an only child. He had seven siblings, who apparently looked as entertaining to the little boy as a lively circus. There was a clear sense of family in the air as they surrounded him and she was downright awestruck by the smile on the Captain's face. The tall, well-built and imposing naval hero now looked much warmer, for the first time appearing like the father Maria always wanted her child to have.

The guilt returned once more as this thought reminded her of Ben. He had been most excellent with Felix, he really loved the little boy, although Maria often noticed some sort of awkwardness in his demeanour. She had learned to recognize it was merely his inexperience in raising a child and since there had been no talk of Ben officially adopting her son, there remained a certain kind of uncertainty as to what he was to Felix. A father figure he was for certain, yet Maria never referred to him as Father, or as the Americans called it, _Daddy_. To Felix he was '_Ben_', usually pronounced '_Bee_' in his own child language. And Felix loved him, it was evident in the way he always clung to him or looked for him when he was away for too long.

By the time she awoke from her reverie, she held Captain von Trapp's undivided attention. The smile didn't leave his face but it was unlike the amused and playful smirk she had faced earlier. She wasn't sure what to make of it. While it certainly was an expression that could easily make a woman melt, she found herself mostly startled by the unexpected eye-contact. She shifted a little but her lips twitched upwards in an unconscious reaction to return the reception.

"Liesl," the Captain turned to his eldest. His children had surprised him but instead of ruining a moment with the son that he had yet to really bond with, he welcomed their company. For a while he could lose himself in the moment and marvel at his family, even going as far as pretending everything – and everybody – was in place. "I need to speak with Maria. Would you keep an eye on Felix?"

"Of course, Father," Liesl nodded and Maria received a delighted smile from the girl. Liesl was the one she hadn't gotten a chance to really interact with but she looked like a lady already. Maria knew the girl was 18 years old and beautiful, but in her haste to collect herself and deal with the rest of the children who somehow found a way to spend some time with her, she had forgotten about Liesl.

"Thank you." She smiled back at the eldest von Trapp child before the Captain joined her. The rest of the children were so engrossed in entertaining Felix that they didn't even notice Maria's return and then departure with their father.

The Captain suggested privacy and Maria wholeheartedly agreed. He proposed to retreat to his study and she put up no protest. She followed him silently, or walked beside him rather, unsure of what to say. In the short time she had known him (or remembered knowing him, that was), she had found it difficult to predict what kind of an attitude he was going to have with her. Yet there was no hostility in his demeanour, in fact he acted like the true gentleman that he appeared to be. Once they arrived to his study, he opened the door for her and let her enter first before closing it behind them. Through the open window she could immediately make out the children's voices and as she walked closer, she was pleased to note that she could keep an eye on Felix from above. They were on the first floor and the window overlooked the beautiful garden along with its path that led to the mountains. The surroundings were beautiful and for a moment she marvelled at how much more peace it brought her than the crowded city.

"Do you need anything?" His voice startled her and Maria turned back to the room.

It took her a few moments to realize he was referring to her previous state. "No. Thank you, I'm fine." She answered with a polite smile.

"Have a seat. Please," the Captain offered and Maria, albeit hesitant at first, did so. There were certainly many questions on her mind beyond the information he had already given her, yet now that she had the chance, she wasn't sure where to start. In fact, she couldn't even find the right words to speak.

"You wanted to talk?" She asked, not exactly the kind of question that was the most pressing one on her mind, but it was the first thing that came out.

The Captain nodded in response and she scrutinized every move, every gesture. She felt guarded around him, yet she found him intriguing. She didn't feel uncomfortable in his presence, in truth she found herself enjoying the fact that she was kept on her toes whenever they were in the same room or interacted.

"Indeed," the Captain nodded and seemed hesitant, too. And hesitant he certainly was as he began slowly pacing in the room. There was a specific reason why he wanted to talk to her yet not for the first time in her presence, he found himself unable to express his thoughts the way he usually could. He realized he had awoken enough animosity between them and the last thing he wanted was to push her farther away. Yet he simply had to address certain issues that were long overdue. Doing that, while having decided to get her back, was difficult.

"I'm sure the last few days have been… overwhelming for you," he finally began and looked at her. "It certainly has been for us. The children and me," he added as a way of explanation, as if including the children would take some of the attention off him and make him feel less exposed. It was almost hypocritical, he thought, since all he wanted was for her to open up to him and remember. There had been safety in the knowledge that she had wanted him when they first fell in love, so opening up back then was easier. Now, with the clear possibility of her rejecting him, it felt much harder than it would have appeared. Of course, trust wasn't the issue here but his pride and, in a way, his patience. He reminded himself that he couldn't allow himself to be pompous and that getting Maria back was not a certainty but a goal.

"It has been… unexpected," she admitted and nodded, acknowledging that it had indeed been overwhelming, "but I always wanted to know," she added with the kind of sincerity he hoped to see from her. "My past, I mean."

The conversation felt awkward to both and the Captain cursed himself for feeling that sarcasm and provoking her seemed to come so much easier. And while his difficult attitude couldn't deter Maria from falling for him the first time around, it was under entirely different circumstances. In fact, looking at her now as she sat in the chair with the kind of grace and posture that was characteristic of people in their rank – even here in America, she seemed anything but relaxed. He had the overwhelming urge to hit himself over the head for his behaviour in the last two days. Maria needed understanding and encouragement, not distance and hostility, even if not necessarily directed at her personally. But as always, his passionate nature had gotten the better of him. It certainly wasn't easy to have his supposedly-dead wife in touching distance and see her with another man.

"Is there anything you want to know?" He asked, trying to offer something that could make up for the recent tension.

There it was, she thought, the chance to ask all she had been yearning to know. "A couple of things," she admitted and perked up in her seat. Her brows furrowed and she averted her gaze as she considered what to ask first. "I… you've said I used to be a postulant before… before you and I," she stuttered. The idea of _he and she_ felt just as alien as exciting.

"Indeed," the Captain nodded, suddenly uneasy with the direction this conversation could possibly take. He really wasn't keen on telling her about her past, about her family before she had become a postulant. While Maria had certainly revealed many details he felt were heartbreaking, he always felt the two of them were alike in the sense that they both had hidden depths of their souls that needed time to reveal. The time that they hadn't had. As bright, flighty and innocent as Maria had been, hers was a personality with a complexity that went much deeper than many people would think. That was probably the heartbreaking difference he could see in her right now. While she was as beautiful and charming to people as she had always been, there was now a constant air of sadness around her that she couldn't hide from him. For a while he had wondered if he was merely projecting his own state of mind but it soon became apparent that Maria was carrying a burden he didn't know about. Life's cruel twist was that he knew the burden of her past that she couldn't remember. His love for her made him very protective, too, he did not have the heart to add the extra burden.

"Was I raised by the nuns? Was it my decision to become one or was it my family's? Was I uh, dedicated?" The questions sounded absurd even to her own ears but she was desperate to know. While her curiosity first and foremost wanted to know about her marriage, given her lifestyle and lack of faith had left her bewildered to know she had once been a postulant. Was it possible for her personality to change so much simply because she lost her memories, or had she not been dedicated to become a nun in the first place?

The Captain grabbed the opportunity to focus on her past as a postulant, hoping it would deter her from wanting to know about her childhood.

"Dedication had never been a problem," the Captain began, "They were all you had, but you weren't exactly fitting in, darling."

"Oh." Whether she reacted to the revelation or his term of endearment, he wasn't sure.

"There was far more life in you than what a nun's life required. Your commitment to God was strong but…it became apparent you weren't meant to serve the Lord locked in an Abbey."

"Was I… sent away?" Her eyes went wide, this was a most unusual revelation.

"No. You chose to leave. With me." The Captain's words were simple but all the implications that came with it had her hot under the collar. Maria didn't fail to make the necessary connections. Her life had been vastly different before her accident, in fact every single revelation pointed to a woman who was a stranger to her. But it was more than that this time. As much as she lacked Faith in God, she knew herself enough to realize if she was dedicated to something, then she gave it her all. There was no mistaking the fact that she had given up her life to spend it with him, instead, and it had to have been for a good reason. Her feelings for the Captain had been strong enough to abandon the path her life had been leading her on. That also brought some thoughts that nearly made her blush. Not only was this man the father of her child, but he had been the very first man in her life… unless…

"What prompted me to become a postulant in the first place?" The absurdity of having to ask someone else about herself barely registered in her mind anymore. She had accepted her state to be unusual and now that there was a chance of an information flow, she wasted no time on being uneasy about her inquiry.

The Captain seemed hesitant for a second. "The need to belong to a community you found remarkable. You joined the Abbey as soon as you were old enough to do so."

So there was no shameful association with a man or heartbreak that had made her want to become a nun. It was true then, that the man in front of her had impacted her life in a most drastic way. And yet she couldn't remember.

"Did my family give their consent?"

"Your parents were deceased by then. Would you not like to know about our marriage? About us?" The Captain cut in, his stare hard this time in disapproval. Maria was taken aback and he achieved his goal to deter her.

"I… why, yes," she stuttered, shifting uneasily. The awkward air was gone from around him, replaced by a commanding aura. It was infuriatingly intriguing to her.

What Maria didn't realize was how easily the Captain could read her expressions. Now that he rid himself of self-pity and the all consuming grief and brooding over the newest living arrangements, he was dead set on using every little piece of knowledge about his wife to gain leverage and, ultimately, woo her back. He knew Maria would protest if he was too demanding and unfair to her, but he was well aware she was uncertain as to how to cope right now. It was the look in her eyes that gave her away, the look that made it awfully difficult not to just sweep her off her feet and gather her in his arms.

So he began. "My children needed a governess for the summer holidays and the Reverend Mother found you the most suitable for the task. You quite easily bonded with my children, to my dismay at first. There were certain… qualities about you I found hard to appreciate at the beginning. You were flighty, undisciplined, headstrong, but warm and loving. Qualities that certainly grew on me as time went on. So much so that I had to realize my engagement to Elsa Schroeder was standing on shaky grounds and any matrimony would have been based on untrue feelings. As fate would have it, you felt the same and with uh… the consent of the Reverend Mother, we were married. We spent an entire month in Paris on our honeymoon before political tension in Austria called for our immediate return. It was then, on the night of our escape from Nazi soldiers that we were separated." The Captain was matter of fact in his recount of the events but his eyes never left her face.

Maria was appalled and hardly noticed when he stopped speaking. She was stuck on a little detail. Not only did she abandon her life as a postulant but she even wooed him away from a fiancée. She certainly wasn't religious anymore, as a matter of fact her relations to Ben would have been frowned upon by most, yet she realized her past actions had been most significant. She had been a postulant and he had been engaged. Oh, the scandal. She also concluded from his words that her background didn't exactly match her current rank. Neither had it matched his, as a matter of fact. The question just why exactly she had married a man like the Captain was weighing heavily on her mind ever since they had been reunited. It was only now that she began to understand feelings had the most to do with it. There certainly wasn't anything in her past she could make out that would have lured the Captain to her aside from her very self. And a quick count had her conclude Felix most certainly had not been conceived before the wedding, hence he definitely couldn't have been the reason. But then even more of his words sunk in…

"The accident," she spoke, "I remember nothing of it."

It certainly wasn't easy for Georg to talk about it, but it occurred to him this was his chance for his own resolution, too. God knew how much time he had spent dwelling on what he didn't know, how much he had wished for a chance to go back in time and do things differently.

"I was requested to join the Nazi forces immediately. We agreed it would be a devastating blow to the family and decided to leave that night. Herr Zeller…"

Herr Zeller. Maria zoned out for a little while. _Herr Zeller_. There was something about the name. A cold, hard pair of eyes was the only thing she could see in front of her. Cruel and leering. But it was gone as soon as it came.

"…he held you as insurance that I would accept my post and that prompted the plan that went…. incredibly wrong. My good friend Max volunteered to get you out, using the local Festival as a ploy and you were to join me and the children for the escape. Unfortunately, Max was the only one who made it there and he notified me of your death." She hung on his every word, the events he was describing had been, after all, life changing. "He died from his wounds shortly after that and since I had to take the children to safety, I had no choice but to take his word." For the first time he turned away from her as he finished, "and I wished every night that I had gone back to make sure. News of your death had been made public in Salzburg but that was all I had. Until now."

Maria was still processing the information she had been given when the Captain unexpectedly turned back to her. "As you must realize your absence has been hard on the family. We wondered every single day what had happened to you. And now that you are alive and back, I'm eager to know what happened." His tone slightly changed as he added, "And how your current life… came about."

The interjection of his own feelings in the recount of the story wasn't lost on Maria. It felt like an invitation to be open to him in return, which, incredibly, was something she was willing to take. There was something about this man that made it impossible for her to refuse him, even when his request was most subtle. Despite his earlier attitude, he gave her hope and reassurance that treading into a territory she hadn't been in a long time was safe. So, with more openness she had remembered feeling, Maria began.

"I woke up in a hospital in Switzerland. As I understand, I was close to the borders but I am most clueless about how I got there. It took me long weeks to recuperate from my injuries and it was during my hospital stay that it was revealed I was with child. I couldn't remember who I was, I couldn't remember anything. Since no one had reason to believe I was from another country, any attempt to find out who I was turned out unsuccessful. I met Ben at the hospital. He's a very good man." Maria paused for a minute to look up to him, with an unconscious need to try to convince him of the truth behind her words. "I had nothing and no one and Ben… he asked me to join him. He came to America, he took me along and most of all, he provided a comfortable life for Felix." Maria couldn't pinpoint why exactly she was feeling remorse about her relationship with Ben aside from her own conscience pushing her for her waning feelings. She never truly loved him, it was a constant struggle that had intensified in the past couple of weeks, but this was different. This time she felt ashamed even if she was convinced she did the only thing she could at the time. "He gave me papers; an identity, really. He shared many things with me…"

"Like his bed?" The Captain wanted to hit himself over the head the moment it was out, but it slipped and he had been unable to stop himself.

Maria abruptly stopped speaking and looked up him, the look of fire in her eyes brought back memories of her feisty passion fighting him for the sake of his children – or any other time she felt he was unjust, as a matter of fact. He knew what calmed her down, however.

"I apologize," he added and held her gaze, conveying his sincerity. She was, once again, caught off guard. "Do go on."

Struggling with anger he had so easily stirred within her as well as the need to take his earnest apology, Maria took a few seconds before she resumed her story, "I was lost here in America. I felt I was going crazy unless I preoccupied myself with something. That's how singing came about. It was a successful endeavour." Any inclination she may have had to reveal her conflicted feelings about Ben were gone, however. It was obvious her relationship with Ben was a touchy subject, and even in his peace offering Captain von Trapp evidently wasn't quite just in his judgment of Ben. Deep down Maria knew he had every right. They had been married and never divorced. Maria briefly considered what she would feel had the situation been reversed and she was aware it would be hard to accept such changes. That she didn't love Ben made her feel guilty and all the more protective of him. No, she couldn't reveal that to her… husband. It was something she needed to settle with Ben first if it ever came to that.

"I was growing a little weary and tired of performing and New York. So we agreed to take a little vacation and… and the rest you know."

The Captain did exercise self control this time and refused to interject his disapproval of her performing on stage in the first place. As much as he admired her voice and talent, here was the precise proof why he refused to allow his family to go perform in public. It was too stressful. He did notice that Maria avoided talking about her relationship with Ben. They evidently arrived as a couple yet their relationship seemed most unusual to him. It was like a glimmer of hope, especially since he had found out they stopped sharing a room. But he couldn't be sure if it was permanent or just a one time quarrel that resulted in that decision. And he wanted to make sure it remained permanent.

"Maria…" he began softly, much softer than she had ever expected of him. He casually approached her and got in the chair right next to her, leaning close but not intruding her personal space. There was an air of intimacy around them and for the first time he radiated nothing but gentleness, "I am first and foremost glad and relieved that you and Felix are alive. I never meant to be rude to you although I realize I may have." He was sure his candid confession was affecting her, "but I do hope you realize how unconventional and upsetting present affairs are. I am your husband and… "

"…and Ben's not," she finished, catching his drift, hardly realizing how easily she read his thought. He had alluded to this before but his approach to it was entirely different now. He saw it was working much better and Maria, albeit just as conflicted, wasn't offended. Instead she felt unease and guilt. Guilt over not loving Ben and guilt over inconveniencing the man that was supposed to be her husband. She knew and felt grateful for one, but didn't love him while she found the other stimulating, albeit he was essentially a stranger. She was at a loss.

"Under different circumstances I would refrain from commenting on something that's between you and Herr Reinard. However, I am still your husband and we have a child together that I very much want to keep in my life. I also don't intend to give up on my wife." There was no malice in his words, she realized that, nor was he being difficult. He was instead reasonable, and the possessive tone of his declaration would have even flattered her had she not felt so trapped.

"What are you saying?" She frowned and turned her gaze to her lap, trying to make sense of it all but needing to avoid his gaze.

"I am asking you to consider the situation from your family's point of view."

She stiffened a little, her mind racing. Was he asking her to go back to him? He had appeared genuinely joyful over her return, then treated her with downright hostility and now… now he was talking about family. Two years had passed and he never remarried. This was so confusing.

"I am asking you to treat Herr Reinard as he should be treated. A man with no rights." Her head snapped up upon hearing that.

**To Be Continued…**


	15. Author's Note

**AUTHOR'S NOTE:**

For a while I did not want to put up any note of delay because I hoped it wouldn't be long term. But it has been really too damn long not to say anything. I would like to apologize to all of you who have been following this story, especially those who left me reviews and those who put me and/or my story on alert. My excuse is that life got in the way, big time.

**BUT! ****I am not abandoning this story, or any other project of mine as a matter of fact**, I just felt I needed to update to tell you that I have been super busy, first with finishing school and graduating and then with starting work. I hardly had time for myself, let alone any stories of mine. I hope that my schedule will allow me more free time from now on and I can produce new chapters and will be able to complete my half-done GWTW one shot as soon as possible.

Thank you to all of you who have been sticking around, I hope to be back with updates very soon!


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